« PreviousContinue »
An Irish Cabin.
descending on my nose; which, upon farther and more accurate inquiry, I found reason to attribute to a cock and six hens, who were just poising themselves for the enjoyment of a comfortable nap, during the night upon the rafters. I own I was a little provoked at this accident, and expostulated sharply with Mrs. O'Shea upon the subject: But the same argument of heat, that was submitted in favour of the cow, was urged with still more cogency on behalf of the hens; to whose regular laying I was assured, warmth was necessary. Having nothing farther to ob ject on this point, I proceeded to search for my handkerchief, to wipe off the unpleasant topic of our altercation; when in my still farther dismay, my hand in its progress to my pocket, popped into the mouth of the calf; who, mistaking it for the accustomed fist of Miss Molly O'Shea, began to suck it with the most indefatigable perseverance. From this last and most alarmdilemma, I, at length extricated myself: and having in vain offered some pecuniary remuneration for my entertainment, I departed, with a high sense of the hospitality of my hosts, and with. the genuine concern that they were not better accommodated.
TO THE EDITOR.
Isna a Mirror a leuking-glass? I kenna how it is ye can to gie yir beuk sic an oot-o the way name. It cost me an Johnnie, (wha's a scholar o' Maister Hunter's) nae sma' fyke in fin'in' out what ye wad be at wi't. It's no that I'm gaun to fin' faut wi' the beuk itsel-for as far as my simple judgment gangs it reads no that ill, and I'se warran' yell fin that it'll sell weel-but I think ye might have ca'd it by some ither name that folk wad ha'e unnerstude. For we're no sae weel learned i' thir muirs, as you fo'ks about yir muckle town, an' whyles no sae gleg i' the uptak. For a' that, if I'm no mista'en ye mean fo'k to leuk into yir beuk as ane wad fairlie themsel's in a leuking-glass-an sae be able to see themsel's as ithers see them. Weel, Sir, gif this is yir intention, I commen' ye for't. Ye'll maybe be the means o' doin' gude i' yir day an' generation. An' wha disna need the help o' anither to tell them their fauts? I've been a man this fifety year, an' after a' that. I've
Letter from Andrew Ettleweel.
seen i' this warl', I see men's fauts an' failin's risin' like puddock-stools, they're sae fast i' the growthe. An' really, Sir, I'm no sure gif the warl's gettin' ony better. It's true in oor day they surely ken muckle mair than they did langsyne. But I wad just put the quashtion to ye-Are men wi' a' their schules an' colleges, as they're now conducket, learnin' ony better than they did whan my granfather was a callan, to fear God an' keep his commauns. I trow, ye'se hae to answer me—nae. For it maun be true that a' body says, that oor young men o' the present day, be they for ministers, or doctors, or law'ers, are fonder o' studyin' the dead hathenish langiges, an' acquering a' sort o' warl ly knowledge, (sic as the kennin' the names o' stanes an' flowers) than in readin' their Bibles an' learning what'll mak them respecket an' usefu' members o' soceeity, an what'll stan' them in gude stead whan their hin'eren' comes. I muckle fear Sir, we're i' the back-gaun gate in thae respecks: an' it'll no be little ye'H hae to do, noo that ye've set yirsel' up for a correcker o' the morals an manners o' the times.
It disna become me wha's no muckle i' the habit o' writin' to tak muckle o' yir room up wi' ony thing I can say-an' I'se warran some o' yir gentles are already geckin' at my hamely phrase, an' won'erin what siccan a vulgar gommeril has to do amang yir braw-wurded epissle-writers. But now that I've the pen i' my han', an' as I've aye thocht it right to do gude whan I dowe, I wad try through your Mirror to do awa' what I reckon to be an unco mislear't thing-an' that's pastin' up Han'bills on the Kirk Yetts, that fo'k may be in the way o' readin' them whan they see them as they gang into the kirk on Sundays. An' I'll no say, Sir, but ye're a wee hue to blame yirsel', for I've noticed mae o' them sin' you cam to the kintraside to prent them. Now, as ilka man that has ony sense o' peeity in him likes to gang to the sanc'uary wi' a' his warl❜ly thochts an' purposes out o' head for the time bein', is't no a scandal to the haliness o' the place, an' a temptation to mislead us frae the devoot feelin' o' the day to see thae things there at siccan a time? It was nae far'er gane than the last Sabbath that I chanced to be a wee owre sune afore the bell
rang; an' in coorse o' stacherin' about the kirk-yaird, no kennin' weel what to mak o' mysel', I fell a readin' about siccan a ane ha'in' murdered somebody, (I forget now wha), an' a reward being offered for his apprehension about our neebour John Walker gaun to sell his potatoes by public unction-an' about the Laird of
Letter from Andrew Ettleweel.
ferin' five pounds for gruppin' some poachin' fallow that had been seen daunerin' about wi' a gun-and mony ither sic like things as thae.-Weel, Sir, wi' a' thae things rinnin' i' my head, ye may well believe me, that I coudna get my thochts settled about what the Minister was sayin' ava. I was aye thinkin' he was wan'erin' frae his point-an' deed it was mysel' that was awa' amang John Walker's potatoes-or rinnin' after the poacher far owre the Strone Hill. Now as maistly ilka man body that cam' in at the kirk yett read thae papers, ye may think wi' yirsel' how far owre the mountains o' vanity they as weel as mysel' were wanerin' at the time that our worthy minister was labourin' an' layin' aff his discourse, to, what he thocht, an arreested audience. But its true that "fo'k whyles sleep wi' their een open"-an' it was e'en sae wi' me, an' I'm sure wi' mony mae.-An' it's no in the kirk only, that a' the mischief's dune. As sune's the blessin's owre, an' we get at the yett again, we fa' in wi' our neet ɔurs, an' syne ta'k about this and that warlly concern-how craps an' kye are sellin-how John Walker's potatoes 'll no gie near sae muckle's he expecks-an' in short, frae less to mair the ta'k gangs on a' the gate hame, just as if it were a market Friday in Kilmarnock-an' we warena thinkin' about the Fourt Commaun
There's a won'rous cry now a-days about Reform, but, Sir, we needna be gaum up to the Parliament-House about things we ken naething about or at the maist, wi things we hae very sma' concern in-we wad do better to begin at hame, an' reform there. Now, I think gif fok wad tak a counsel frae ane that's to be sure, no very gude at gi'en't, but wha means weel whan he gi'es't-they would egg on the kirk-sessions to tak it in han'Syne we wadna be seein' our haly places made like places o' merchandees-An' this auld kirk o' ours, whilk has aye been notit for its decencie, an' circumspekness, wad be purged o' a very glarin' pollution.
If ye wad just haud up yir Mirror-an' let men leuk at this faut ae glint o' the e'e wad be eneugh to convince them how very far its wrang-for tak my word for't, the warl's no sae glaiket yet, but it kens what's richt an' what's wrang.
I maun ax yir pardon for deteenin' ye sae lang. But houpin' ye'se no tak my freedom ill, I'll bid fareweel for the presentremainin' yir hearty weelwis'er.
Townhead, 10th October, 1818.
Quarterly Medical Report.
A Quarterly Report of Health formed part of the original plan of the Mirror, but the hurry incident to late publication prevented its insertion in our first number.-To remedy this defect, the Report is now given, and will regularly appear in January, April, July, and October.
Medical Report, ending September 30th, 1818.
The alarming prevalence of Typhus Fever in Glasgow, had during the early part of the Quarter excited considerable apprehensions in this town and neighbourhood, which certainly abounds with fit materials for its propagation, and a few cases of the Fever actually made their appearance. Those, however, mostly ended well, and we feel happy in being able to say, that our apprehensions of a general attack of Typhus have been hitherto groundless; and that the town and adjoining country have been and still are in a state of comparative health. In the upper part of the County, the Fever has of late appeared in a form by no means mild, and a small number have fallen victims to the disease, which has again subsided. On the coast its footsteps have. been visible, especially in Ayr, and its vicinity; but the skill of the medical gentlemen, seconded by the activity of the inhabitants, seems there, as in other places in the west, to have arrested its progress, and that we may hear no more of it near us in this concentrated form, is certainly a consummation devoutly to be
Measles, which during the Spring months, had continued to occur in the adjacent villages, towards the end of Summer be came epidemic in town, whilst maintaining ground in the country. The disease has notwithstanding proved in general mild, and although widely spread, few in proportion have fallen before it. Some remarkable instances of the measles, occurring twice in the same individual, have appeared. Three of these we have seen and ascertained.
In this place and immediate neighbourhood, there seems to exist at present a tendency to putrid complaints, and a con siderable number of cases of Dysentery, and severe Diarrhea, have occurred, which have, however, mostly yielded to proper medicine and regimen.
The Port-Folio-Captain Porteous-Irish Reasoning-True Greatness-Scandal.
A thing of shreds and patches-Hamlet.
Capt. Porteous-A Scotchman giving evidence at the bar of the house of Lords, in the affair of Captain Porteous, and telling of the variety of shots that were fired upon that unhappy occasion; he was asked by the Duke of Newcastle, What kind of shot it was?" Why, says the man, in his broad dialect, such as they shot fools wi' an' the like.". "What kind of fools, says the Duke, smiling at the word-Why, my Lord, dukes, and such kind o' fools."
Irish Reasoning-As two Irish soldiers were passing through Chippenham, one of them observing the Borough Arms (which have somewhat the appearance of a hatchment) over the Townhall door, accosted his comrade with "Arrah Pat! look up, what is that sign?" Botheration,' says Pat, 'tis no sign at all at all; 'tis only a sign that somebody's dead that lives there.
True Greatness.-Lachlan M'Lean, Esq. was bred up in the medical line, though he was afterwards so much distinguished in the East Indian line of politics. He practised early in life as a Surgeon in New York, North America; and another practitioner in the same medical line, jealous of him, took every possible occasion to do him the greatest injuries. It happened that the favourite son of his rival fell dangerously ill. Mr. M'Lean immediately attended him;-sat up with him many nights, and by his great skill in medicine, and indefatigable attention, restored the son to the distracted father;—-refusing any emolument, and saying to his friends, Now I am revenged.
Scandal. The surest remedy against Scandal, is to live it down, by a perseverance in well doing.
Restriction. Milton was asked by a friend whether he would instruct his daughters in the different languages? to which he replied, No, Sir, one tongue is sufficient for a woman.