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all in the space of ten lines. I had delivered an old maid of two fine children; I had taken a judge off the bench; and carried him to a bagnio. In one place I had landed a vessel at Birmingham; and in another, the dissenters were furnished with copper bottoms. Some great statesmen were at church for the first time in their lives. A man of fashion produced an edition of Antoninus Pius, in one line; and a grave doctor in divinity led down a countrydance, in the next. I carried the whole house of lords to Newmarket in one of my papers, and a jockey brought in a bill in another; a parliamentinan was put into a leaden coffin, came out presently after with a new constitution, and was followed by the corpse and undertakers. Grave as I am, I could not help laughing heartily, to find a petit-maître ogling a chimney-sweeper in one sentence, and the object of his vows half-way up the chimney in the next; and a young lady, who had bestowed a kiss upon an auctioneer, knocked down soon after by her lover.


There were many other strange combinations and coincidences; such as a reverend divine in a hooppetticoat, and an old woman mounted into his pulpit; a common-councilman feasting upon true religion, and a turtle filling and expanding the mind. After an infinite number of mistakes and puzzles of this soit, I came at last to dispatch this multifarious business with surprising accuracy and discrimination; and am now arrived at such perfection, that I can round a period, turn a sentiment, and begin a story, in a hop, step, and a jump.

My mother, happening to come into my room while I was running from paper to paper, supposed me to be agonised by some inward pains; and asking me, with much tenderness and concern, what I

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would have, I replied with great rapidity, having just completed at once three different sentences, Expansion of thought, honour and virtue, a beautiful princess." This demand appeared so strange and exorbitant, that the old lady began in good earnest to suspect that my brain was injured by my late application, and was more ruffled than ever I remember her to have been since the æra of that fatal accident which happened about thirty years ago to my great-grandfather's tobacco-stopper. This talent, which I have taken such extraordinary pains to acquire, will contribute very much to render me independent; so that, if such as are capable of affording me assistance by their communications, should be determined to withhold it, and think to starve me to a surrender, I shall show them that I can hold out longer than they imagine, upon my own stock.

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Another very great advantage of this my craft. and mystery of writing is, that it makes me superior to common casualties, and puts me entirely out of the reach of all atmospherical influence. force myself to be grave or gay in spite of wind and weather, just as it may suit the interests of my paper: thus, upon occasion, I can rear a smile out of season, and am as proud of it as is the farmer behind the 'Change of raising a dish of peas at Christmas. I can launch forth a lively paper in the gloom of November; and can be merry in my little study, while my neighbours are shooting themselves in their bedchambers.

I do not wish however my readers to imagine that I have not yet been able to start any contributor: I have received many kind testimonies of a good disposition towards my undertaking from very unexpected quarters. The other day a letter was brought

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me from a young nobleman, which I may perhaps insert for the instruction of my readers, after a thorough correction of the spelling: a young gentleman-commoner of one of our colleges favoured me with a very long epistle, as soon as my first number was published; the back of which will be of use, in containing many loose hints and memorandums for a future paper. Some anecdotes of great men, such as Lackington, Wittington, &c. have been obligingly sent to me; and the other day I received a very ingenious poem from an advertising dentist and dancing-master. Some treatises have been forwarded to me on the price of sugars, which I have dispatched to my grocer, to make the best use he can of them; and some popular preachers have presented me with sermons, the covers of which will be useful in making my common-place books. Some honest traders have sent me proposals to take in their advertisements; tempting me with a promise of ornamenting them with little cuts of carved Bacchuses, sugar-loaves, pairs of scales, bunches of grapes, and tobacco-rolls. One of this order entreats me to recommend his geometrical breeches; another has made a wig that will go in a letter; and a third has invented patent pistols for the cure of ruptures. I return my thanks to Dr. Lobb and Dr. Giranio, who have been so kind as to recommend to me their angelic snuff for the clearing of my head, and the advantage of my papers; and to that famous showman in the Borough, who courteously offers me a gratuitous admittance if I will advertise the public, that he has just imported two white Greenland bears, that are to be spoken with at any hour.

I have the advantage too of a very confidential correspondence with a great projector, who was formerly my intimate friend at the university; and

who, having a vast turn for invention, and an extraordinary share of patriotism, is determined to devote the remainder of his days to the public service. He is therefore always on the watch for some new discovery, that may contribute any way to the honour and happiness of his countrymen. I introduce him to my readers, not as a temporary acquaintance, but as a person they will often encounter in the course of these papers. As he was determined not to be behindhand in manifesting his regard for his old friend, he no sooner heard of my undertaking than he sent to me the advertisement of an eminent stationer, whose patron he declared himself to be, and whom I suspect to be indebted to him for most of his inventions.

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"Mr. Wright gives notice, that there may be had, "at his library in the Strand, pocket-books for writing in the dark. These books are so contrived, "that a person may, with great ease, in any posture, "write any thing thereon, beginning where he left "off. He is not even obliged to take his hand from "beneath the bed-clothes. This way of writing may "be as swift, lineal, and legible, as the operations of "day-light, and must be exceedingly useful to philosophers and poets. The copper instrument is "neat and handy."

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As my task, however, is such as to require more alleviation than even these honourable assistances supply, I must still invite those who have the means and the leisure, to afford me their aid. The Greek proverb, εις ανηρ εδεις ανηρ, applies to my present undertaking; for one man cannot well act a sufficient number of parts to suit so many tastes and complexions. I will therefore adopt any thing that I

think will conduce to the ends of my work, which is to encourage innocent mirth, and to administer religion, morality, and criticism, in the most palatable forms.

It is my design, after the example of the most venerable of those who have preceded me in this undertaking, to set up for a redresser, or an avenger of ordinary grievances, in the commerce of society; and I invite particularly the ladies to make application to me, when they deign to think that an old man can be of any use to them. If they have children that torment them, or husbands that neglect them, or lovers that deceive them, they may depend upon my assistance, the mode of which they themselves may prescribe. I promise also to attend to the complaints of my own sex, when they do not originate in their own misconduct, and upon undoubted proofs being given that every thing has been done on their part towards the cure of the evil.

I shall now give my reasons for not taking notice of some requisitions which have already been made to me on the score of grievances, &c.

The lamentation of Mr. T——, the tall Irishman, on his being disappointed of his new liveries on his marriage with old Mrs. Ogleby, I considered as a very heavy charge, till upon inquiry I discovered, that there was a bill upon him ever since he wore his first pair of callimanco breeches, and turned his pepper-and-salt coat to walk in the procession on St. Patrick's day. When my Irish client has paid off his arrears, if his tailor continue to disappoint him, I promise to keep no measures with the delinquent.

The gentleman who complains to me that his Sunday's dinner is commonly spoiled by the length of Dr. H——r's sermons, may at any time remove

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