Scoff not at the natural defects of any which are not in their power to amend. Oh! it is cruelty to beat a cripple with his own crutches. Neither flout any for his profession, if honest, though poor and painful. Mock not a cobbler for his black thumbs.

He that relates another man's wicked jest with delight, adopts it to be his own. Purge them, therefore, from their poison. If the profaneness may be severed. from the wit, it is like a lamprey; take out the sting in the back, it may make good meat. But if the staple conceit consists in profaneness, then it is a viper, all poison, and meddle not with it.

He that will lose his friend for a jest, deserves to die a beggar by the bargain. Yet some think their conceits, like mustard, not good except they bite. We read that all those who were born in England the year after the beginning of the great mortality 1349, wanted their four cheek-teeth. Such let thy jests be, that they may not grind the credit of thy friend; and make not jests so long till thou becomest

one.

No time to break jests when the heart-strings are about to be broken, No more shewing of wit when the head is to be cut off; like that dying man, who, when the priest, coming to him to give him extreme unction, asked of him where his feet were, answered, "At the end of my legs." But at such a time jests are an unmannerly crepitus ingenii; and let those take heed who end here with Democritus, that they begin not with Heraclitus hereafter.

OF SELF-PRAISING.

He whose own worth doth speak, need not speak his own worth. Such boasting sounds proceed from emptiness of desert: whereas the conquerors in the Olympian games did not put on the laurels on their own heads, but waited till some other did it. Only anchorites that want company may crown themselves with their own commendations.

It sheweth more wit, but no less vanity, to commend one's self, not in a straight line, but by reflection. Some sail to the port of their own praise by a side wind; as when they dispraise themselves, stripping themselves naked of what is their due, that the modesty of the beholders may clothe them with it again; or when they flatter another to his face, tos

sing the ball to him that he may throw it back again to them; or when they command that quality, wherein themselves excel, in another man, (though absent) whom all know far their inferior in that faculty; or, lastly (to omit other ambushes men set to surprise praise) when they send the children of their own brain to be nursed by another man, and commend their own works in a third person, but, if challenged by the company that they were authors of them themselves, with their tongues they faintly deny it, and with their faces strongly affirm it.

Self-praising comes most naturally from a man when it comes most violently from him in his own defence; for, though modesty, binds a man's tongue to the peace in this point, yet, being assaulted in his credit, he may stand upon his guard, and then he doth not so much praise as purge himself. One braved a gentleman to his face, that, in skill and valour, he came far behind him. "It is true," said the other; 66 for, when I fought with you, you ran away before In such a case it was well returned, and without any just aspersion of pride.

me.'

He that falls into sin is a man, that grieves at it is a saint, that boasteth of it is a devil; yet some glory in their shame, counting the stains of sin the best complexion for their souls. These men make me believe it may be true what Mandevil writes of the Isle of Somabarre, in the East Indies, that all the nobility thereof brand their faces with a hot iron in token of honour.

He that boasts of sins never committed is a double devil. Let them be well whipt for their lying, and, as they like that, let them come afterwards, and entitle themselves to the gallows.

OF TRAVELLING.

It is a good accomplishment to a man if first the stock be well grown whereon travel is graffed, and these rules observed before, in, and after his going abroad:

Travel not early before thy judgment be risen, lest thou observest rather shows than substance, marking alone pageants, pictures, beautiful buildings, &c.

(To be Resumed.)

DEATH, fantastically dressed in a sort of mantle, with his feathers on his head, exultingly seizes the Abbess by the wimple, and leads her away from the convent; whilst a nun in the back ground is piteously bewailing the fate of her mis

tress.

SOLECISMS

THIS word is derived from the Soli, a people of Attica, who removing to Cilicia, lost the purity of their ancient tongue, and became ridiculous to the Athenians for their inaccurate expressions.

Ablanc relates, that when an actor in the Roman theatre VOL. III.] [No. XVII.

made a wrong gesture, the audience with one voice, immediately cried out, that he had made a solecism with his hand!

Under the ancient regime of France, one of the southern provinces was perpetually bantered in the Parisian theatres for solecisms in language; and in England, the native of the sister kingdom has been, on account of his irishisms, or bulls, the sport and entertainment of the million.

Whether this defect be attributable to climate, habit, or impetuosity, might afford matter for speculation; but it is as certain that some places are as particularly famous for it, as that others fortunately are exempt from it.

Folkstone, in Kent, has been laughed at both by the Kentish people, and the people of Kent (for the river Medway makes an eminent distinction) upon this lapse of recollection. The following are a few among their numerous blunders-

A man wished to kill an eel, and therefore determined to drown it.

Another wanted to break the neck of a crow, and with great violence flung it from one of the cliffs.

An alderman of the town saw a pea-hen in his neighbour's garden, and alarmed the people with a report, that a serpent with a fiery tail, like a comet, was among the shrubs and flowers. "Phoo, phoo," said his neighbour coolly, “do not be terrified, good folks, it is nothing but a hen peacock, I assure you."

Ladies' Monthly Museum

ANCIENT NOBILITY.

IT is a fact but little regarded, that the first noble family in England was that of Lord Courtenay, who descended from those Earls of Devonshire that often intermarried with the blood-royal of France and England, as may be found at the commencement of Sully's memoirs.

The Duke of Beaufort is descended from Geoffrey Plantaganet, Earl of Anjou, son of Foulk, King of Jerusalem, and grandson to the Empress Maud, daughter to Henry the First; consequently this family has flourished as dukes, marquisses, and earls, without once descending to a lower degree, for full seven hundred years.

The Duke of Montague traces his descent by the female line from Charlemagne.

The nobility that makes the most splendid figure from greatness of estate, are the Spencers, Cavendishes, and Russels, yet, compared with the families above-mentioned, they' may be styled but young nobility.

Great and gallant actions are, however, the true source of nobilty, and when ancientry of descent is added, they raise a family beyond comparison. The Earl of Shrewsbury's family is derived from the famous Talbot, who was the ter ror of France. Hence they have been peers for five hun dred years.

Ladies' Monthly Museum.

THERESA.-A FRAGMENT.-FROM REAL LIFE.

It was a mild and beautiful evening, after a day of uncom mon and oppressive heat; all nature seemed to participate in the harmony which reigned around; not a leaf moved on its spray, whilst the clear azure of the sky, undisturbed by a single cloud, the luxuriant foliage of the sweet and varied notes of the little songsters who carolled in the breeze, diffused over the mind a heavenly calm, a joyful serenity, mingled with grateful adoration to him the author and creator of all these beauties. By degrees the stillness of the scene was interrupted by the distant lowing of the herds, the merry songs of the milkmaids, and even the loud shouts and noisy mirth of different parties of haymakers, returning from their day's labour, whilst crowds of children swarming from the neighbouring cottages ran with eager joy to meet their expected friends, and claim the fond caress. My mind being thus softened and harmonized by the sublimity of the scene, I returned from my walk, deeply impressed with the idea that man might, even in this world, if he chose, where so many blessings are profusely shed around, enjoy a life of comparative ease and happiness, if the evil passions which cling so closely to his nature did not perpetually disturb his peace, and remind him of his own utter incapability to think or do one good thing of himself. I was already on the outskirts of a populous city, and had passed several abodes, lowly indeed, but apparently rich in the possession of health and cheerfulness, when my eye was arrested by a small