ever had a being, and what sort of a being I had, cannot be too soon forgot. I was just beginning to be a deist, and had long desired to be so; and I will own to you what I never confessed before, that my function, and the duties of it were a weariness to me which I could not bear. Yet, wretched creature and beast as I was, I was esteemed religious, though I lived without God in the world." About this time I reminded him of the account of Janeway's, which he once read at my desire. He said he had laughed at it in his own mind, and accounted it mere madness and folly. "Yet, base as I am," said he, "I have no doubt now but God has accepted me also, and forgiven me all my sins." I then asked him what he thought of my narrative? He replied "I thought it strange, and ascribed much of it to the state which you have been in. When I came to visit you in London, and found you in that deep distress, I would have given the universe to have administered some comfort to you. You may remember that I tried every method of doing it. When I found that all my attempts were vain, I was shocked to the greatest degree. I began to consider your sufferings as a judgment upon you, and my inability to alleviate them as a judgment upon myself. When Mr. M. came, he succeeded in a moment. This surprised me; but it does not surprise me now. He had the key to your heart, which I had not. That which filled me with disgust against my office as a minister was the same ill success which attended me in my own parish. There I endeavoured to sooth the afflicted, and to reform the unruly by warning and reproof; but all that I could say in either case was spoken to the wind, and attended with no effect." There is that in the nature of salvation by grace, when it is truly and experimentally known, which prompts every person to think himself the most extraordinary instance of its power. Accordingly, my brother insisted upon the precedence in this respect, and, upon comparing his case with mine, would by no means allow my deliverance to have been so wonderful as his own. He observed that, "from the beginning, both his manner of life and his connexions had been such as had a natural tendency to blind his eyes, and to confirm and rivet his prejudices against the truth. Blameless in his outward conduct, and having no open immorality to charge himself with, his acquaintance had been with ́ men of the same stamp, who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised the doctrines of the cross. Such were all, who from his earliest days he had been used to propose to himself as patterns for his imitation. Not to go farther back, such was the clergyman under whom he received the first rudiments of his education; such was the schoolmaster, under whom he was prepared for the university; and such were all the most admired characters there, with whom he was most ambitious of being connected. He lamented the dark and Christless condition of the place, where learning and morality were all in all, and where, if a man was possessed of these qualifications, he neither doubted himself nor did any body else question the safety of his state. He concluded therefore that to show the fallacy of such appearances, and to root out the prejudices which long familiarity with them had fastened upon his mind, required a more than ordinary exertion of divine power, and that the grace of God was more clearly manifested in such a work, than in the conversion of one like me, who had no outside righteousness to boast of, and who, if I was ignorant of the truth, was not however so desperately prejudiced against it." His thoughts, I suppose, had been led to this subject, when one afternoon, while I was writing by the fire side, he thus addressed himself to the nurse, who sat at his bolster. "Nurse, I have lived three and thirty years, and I will tell you how I have spent them. When I was a boy, they taught me Latin; and because I was the son of a gentleman, they taught me Greek. These I learned under a sort of private tutor; at the age of fourteen, or thereabouts, they sent me to a public school, where I learnt more Latin and Greek, - and, last of all, to this place, where I have been learning more Latin and Greek still. Now has not this been a blessed life, and much to the glory of God?" then directing this speech to me, he said, "Brother, I was going to say I was born in such a year; but I correct myself: I would rather say, in such a year I came into the world. You know when I was born." As long as he expected to recover, the souls committed to his care were much upon his mind. One day when none was present but myself, he prayed thus: O Lord, thou art good; goodness is thy very essence, and thou art the fountain of wisdom. I am a poor worm, weak and foolish as a child. Thou hast entrusted many souls unto me: and I have not been able to teach them, because I knew thee not myself. Grant me ability, O Lord, for I can do nothing without Thee, and give me grace to be faithful." In a time of severe and continual pain, he smiled in my face, and said, " Brother, I am as happy as a king." And the day before he died, when I asked him what sort of a night he had, he replied," a sad night, not a wink of sleep." I said," Perhaps though, your mind has been composed, and you have been enabled to pray." "Yes," said he, "I have endeavoured to spend the hours in the thoughts of God and prayer; I have been much comforted, and all the comfort I got, came to me in this way." The next morning I was called up to be a witness of his last moments. I found him in a deep sleep. lying perfectly still, and seemingly free from pain. I staid with him till they pressed me to quit the room, and in about five minutes after I left him, he died; sooner indeed than I expected; though for some days there had been no hopes of his recovery. His death at that time was rather extraordinary; at least I thought it so; for when I took leave of him the night before, he did not seem worse nor weaker than he had been, and for ought that appeared, might have lasted many days; but the Lord, in whose sight the death of his saints is precious, cut short his sufferings, and gave him a speedy and peaceful departure. He died at seven in the morning, on the 20th of March, 1770. "Thou art the source and centre of all minds, LIVING BY FAITH. REALLY to live by faith" is an attainment of the most difficult kind, and but rarely seen. No. XLIX. Faith indeed, in one 66 species of its exercise, brings spiritual and eternal objects into such a near and comfortable view, that they, in a sort, become objects of sense.-To live by faith of this kind, is not difficult, but most easy and delightful. But to keep up the exercise of faith when sense is all against us; when every thing outward looks dark, and all within is gloomy; to live at all times by faith, this is very difficult and very rare. Yet it is to such an exercise of faith as this, that the highest praise seems to be given in the word of God. Abraham's faith was of this description, when he left his country at the command of Jehovah, and went out, not knowing whither he went;" and when he offered up his son Isaac. The faith of that long catalogue of worthies, whose names and actions are recorded in the 11th chapter of the epistle to the Hebrews, appears to have derived its excellence, and to have received its commendation, from the same cause. To believe and trust in God when he seems to frown, and when the soul "walks in darkness and has no light," this is faith indeed.-To say with Job, "though he slay me, yet will I trust in him," is the highest attainment of a christian. In this exercise of faith there will always be a sharp conflict with the most subtle and powerful assaults of Satan, and with the strongest principles of our corrupted nature. It will be suggested that it is presumption to think that God is dealing in covenant faithfulness with the soul at such a time; that it is presumption to suppose that we can have any interest in his favour; that it is daring or vile hypocrisy to attempt the discharge of duties, which imply that we are the children of God,-that, in a word, either the things required are not duties at all, or that we are not the persons who ought to attempt them and in addition to this, instances of presumptuous confidence, in those who have professed to be governed by religion, will be brought to recollection. : Now, the christian who, in opposition to all this, can go steadily forward in a reliance on the promises of God, and in an obedience to his commands, gives the best evidence that he is divinely assisted, and that he is enabled really to exercise that faith, which is most acceptable and well pleasing to God; that faith, which, though it is without merit, (as all faith is in itself without merit) yet, agreeably to the tenour of the covenant of grace, shall have the richest re 299] The Christian learning from men of the world. 15 ward. This faith, in any thing like steady exercise, is probably not attained till after a considerable experience of that comfortable or refreshing kind which was mentioned at first and the remembrance of what has happened in many past times; the recollection of the numerous instances of the divine faithfulness when every thing seemed hostile and especially calling to mind the inward efficacy of the word of God on the heart witnessing to its own truth, comes greatly in aid of such a faith. But, verily, after all, this faith is, in a most emphatic sense, "the gift of God." : The Christian learning from men of the world. How many useful lessons may the christian learn from men destitute of religion. Let him look at the miser.-How entirely devoted is he to the acquisition of wealth? How absorbed by the love of gain? He pursues it, he thinks of it continually. There are no sums to save or to lose. There are no means or methods of getting too inconsiderable to be regarded. To the believer it should be "Christ to live." Let him then in this emulate the miser. Let him think of Christ as much as the other thinks of gain. Let him contrive to serve his Lord as faithfully as the sordid wretch seeks for pelf. Let him be as careful in promoting the cause, interest, and glory of Christ, as the disciple of mammon is in serving his idol.-Let a christian do this, and he may truly say, "it is Christ for me to live."—and oh! how unworthy are we of the name of Christians, when we think less of our adored Redeemer, and are less active in his service and for his glory, than the worldling is in pursuit of the object to which he has given his heart. Again, the christian may learn a very useful lesson from the heathen Indians. Many of these, in consequence of the ideas they have imbibed, and the strong impressions of national and personal glory and honour that have been made upon them, will bear all the most cruel tortures, ending in the most miserable death that their enemies can contrivebear them, not only without renouncing their attachment to their tribe or cause, but without a sigh or a groan, nay, with the appearance of indifference, or with expressions of scorn and defiance to their tormentors. What an example this for a christian! Shall he not be willing to endure as much |