To yonder man direct your eyes, Who ever bargains-never buys,— Takes down-hooks up-peeps here, peeps there, With such such a solemn air, Now hurries off elsewhere, That he the self-same game may play- Now nephews who'd inherit all, The tender swain who does not care At Christmas time, to save expense, Next month-till then he stops away When all the handsome things are said, 193 Puns. My little dears, who learn to read, pray early learn to shun That very silly thing indeed which people call a pun: Read Entick's rules, and 'twill be found how simple an offence It is to make the self-same sound afford a double sense. For instance, ale may make you ail, your aunt an ant may kill, You in a vale may buy a veil, and Bill may pay the bill, Or if to France your bark you steer, at Dover, it may be, A peer appears upon the pier, who blind still goes to sea. Thus one might say, when to a treat good friends accept our greeting, 'Tis meet that men who meet to eat should eat their meat when meeting; Brawn on the board's no bore indeed, although from boar prepared ; Nor can the fowl, on which we feed, foul feeding be declared. Thus one ripe fruit may be a pear, and yet be pared again, And still be one which seemeth rare until we do ex plain; It therefore should be all your aim to speak with ample care; For who, however fond of game, would choose to swallow hair? A fat man's gait may make us smile, who have no gate to close; The farmer sitting on his stile no stylish person knows ; Perfumers men of scents must be; some Scilly men are bright; A brown man oft deep read we see, a black a wicked wight. Most wealthy men good manors have, however vulgar they : And actors still the harder slave, the oftener they play: So poets can't the baize obtain, unless their tailors choose; While grooms and coachmen, not in vain, each evening seek the mews. The dyer who by dyeing lives, a dire life maintains; The glazier, it is known, receives his profits from his panes : By gardeners thyme is tied 'tis true, when spring is in its prime : But time and tide won't wait for you, if you are tied for time. Then now you see, my little dears, the way to make a pun; A trick which you, through coming years, should sedulously shun: The fault admits of no defence: for wheresoe'er 'tis found, You sacrifice the sound for sense; the sense is never sound. So let your words and actions too, one single meaning prove, And just in all you say or do, you'll gain esteem and love: In mirth and play no harm you'll know, when duty's task is done; But parents ne'er should let you go unpunish'd for a pun! THEODORE HOOK. The Cataract of Lodore. "How does the water Come down at Lodore ?" My little boy ask'd me Thus once on a time; And moreover he task'd me To tell him in rhyme, Anon at the word, Then first came one daughter And then came another, To second and third The request of their brother, Comes down at Lodore, With its rush and its roar, They had seen it before. To them and the king. From its sources which well From its fountains In the mountains, Its rills and its gills; Through moss and through brake It runs and it creeps And through the wood-shelter, Hurry-scurry, Here it comes sparkling, |