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the hand that pokes the fun. The Drawer is full and fond of pleasantries, but the man who keeps the key of it would lock it up, and never laugh again, rather than give pain to the humblest man or woman in the world. "Live and let live" is a good rule; and he who would wantonly amuse himself by publishing a story that would wound the sensibilities of another, needs to take a first lesson in common courtesy and humanity.

A PARODY is an outrage: witness that on the burial of Sir John Moore;

dog. One of the soldiers said if he had the pleasure | make fun at the expense of a neighbor, and conceal of writing the epitaph of the General (not the dog) he would put these lines over his remains : 'He is gone. He has left us in passion and pride, Our stormy old General-we had luck when he died! He has gone; he has left us for good or for evil: He has gone to report to his master, the devil.' "Corporal Fagan, Company E, Sixteenth Louisiana Regiment, step to the front while I take a photograph! He is an Irishman-one of the best fellows that ever the sun shone on. Ready, brave, and true; the best hand at running the blockade (with whisky). Does any one in the Brooklyn Navy-yard remember Fagan, the ship-carpenter? he's the man. Called out with his Company for inspection one day, he found that he had not cleaned the inside of his gun, and before the inspector came around he managed to get a rag and ram it down to clean the gun; but, in his hurry, he lost it inside. Here was a muss! and the boys began to laugh at his prospect of getting 'extra duty' for his neglect and carelessness. When the officer had inspected the front rank he passed to the rear rank, and Fagan slipped out of the rear into the front rank, and so escaped inspection."

Our "Rebel Correspondent," as he is pleased to style himself, furnishes quite a number of amusing incidents in his experience of soldier-life; but these are all for which we have room this month. We have no reason to be afraid that the Drawer will be closed on account of its opening a correspondence with the enemy. We hold out the right hand of fellowship to all who will lay down their arms, and hope for the day when, as in the good old times, the Drawer and the Star-Spangled Banner will wave over the whole country.

THE figures of speech so universally indulged in by Christian people in their conversations on religious matters and in their forms of worship, are a sore puzzle to the untrained minds of the "little folk," and in their attempts to reconcile these figures with the literal sayings and doings of everyday life they, the "little folk," often make rather odd expressions. Here is a case in point:

One warm, rainy Sabbath afternoon a friend of mine, who rejoices in the possession of a bright little boy of three summers, was sitting by the open window watching the tiny drops as they fell, noiselessly and refreshingly, on the sward before him. On his knee he held his little prattler, whom he was amusing and instructing with simple little stories about the goodness of Jesus and his love for children, and occasional snatches of hymns-those good, old-fashioned, simple songs of praise and entreaty which lift the soul up to the very portals of heaven, and give the true Christian a glimpse of the joys in waiting for the faithful. He had just sung a verse closing with this line

"And Christ shall wash our sins away," when the little fellow, taking advantage of a pause, looked up into his face, and said, "Papa, let's go up and see Jesus when it stops raining."

ALL the "stories" in the Drawer are supposed to be true, and we were quite amused by receiving a letter from a correspondent who sends us an anecdote reflecting severely on a distinguished person, and adds a request that we will consider the author's" name as confidential. As he claims to be author, maker, manufacturer of the story, we have no wish to appropriate his work, and prefer to let it slide. It is a very poor business, a very mean business, to

"Not a sou had he got, nor a penny note,
And he looked confoundedly flurried," etc.
But poor Goldsmith's familiar and touching lines,
"When lovely woman stoops to folly,"

fare sadly in the hands of a silk-dyer, who puts on
his sign and his circular this wicked parody:
"When lovely woman tilts her saucer,

And finds too late that tea will stain-
Whatever made a woman crosser---
What art can wash all white again?
"The only art the stain to cover,

To hide the spot from every eye,
And wear an unsoiled dress above her,
Of proper color, is to dye !"

Ir was a funny fashion that of the last century,
which rendered powder a necessary article of dress!
What could have been the origin of such a fancy?
Very likely some leading beau or belle, on whom
the "snow-fall of time" had descended prematurely,
determined that no one should have ebon or golden
hair since his or hers had changed to silver. Not
only Court fashionables, but men of all professions,
in full dress, had to wear powder. Officers, on land
or sea service, were not excepted. Of course this
absurdity in dress did not pass uncriticised, and it
gave rise to the following epigram:
'Tis said that our soldiers so lazy are grown,

With pleasure and plenty undone,
That they more for their carriage than courage are known,
And scarce know the use of a gun.

Let them say what they will, since it nobody galls,
And exclaim out still louder and louder;
But there ne'er was more money expended in balls,
Or a greater consumption of powder.

A RECENT Wisconsin jury-trial furnishes the following case, reported by a correspondent of the Drawer:

At the spring term of our Circuit Court a case had been tried against a Railroad Company. The plaintiff had sold to the Company in former years a piece of land for about $1000, and was to take his pay in the stock of the Company if delivered within a certain time. It was proved on the trial of the cause that the stock was delivered to the agent of plaintiff, but not till long after the time agreed upon, and it had thus depreciated so as to be almost worthless. The plaintiff, in consequence, refused to accept it as pay, and brought his suit for the value of his land. There was considerable said in the progress of the cause about this stock, etc., but the attorney for the defendant contented himself with excepting to certain rulings of the Judge, and when the case went to the jury, knowing that under the rulings of the Court the plaintiff had made a complete case, declined making any argument to the jury. The jury retired. To the astonishment of the bar and every body else they were out

a long while, but they finally returned a verdict for the plaintiff for all he claimed. Considerable curiosity was manifested to know the reason why the jury delayed so long in finding a verdict in so plain a case. One of the jury finally let the secret escape. It appears that Jemmy Mann was on that jury. Jemmy had dealt some in cattle, etc., but not much in law, nor did know much about railroads. After the jury retired the first ballot showed eleven to one -eleven for plaintiff, and one for defendant. Several ballots were taken with the same result. After some investigation it was ascertained that Jemmy was the man who was for the defendant. Ilis reason for voting in this way was demanded. "And, sure," replied Jemmy, "would you be after paying a man twice for his land? Didn't the witness say that the plaintiff had received his pay in stock; and wouldn't I like to know what he did with the cattle before, as an honest man, I can vote for giving him any more?" It took some time to make Jemmy understand the difference between railroad stock, at fifteen cents on the dollar, and horses and cattle, etc.; but he finally yielded to the persistency of the eleven obstinate men who were for plaintiff, and who didn't seem to care what he had done with the cattle.

A MICHIGAN lawyer, who writes a very bad hand, sends us the following:

Several years ago I was practicing law in one of the many beautiful towns in Wisconsin. One very warm day, while seated in my office at work, I was interrupted by the entrance of a boy, the son of one of my clients, who had walked into town, six miles, in a blazing sun, for the purpose of procuring a Bible. He had been told, he said, that there was a place there where they gave them away to people who had no money; he said he had no money, and was very anxious to get one of the good books, and asked me to go with him to the place where they were kept. Anxious to encourage him in his early piety, I left the brief on which I was engaged, and went with him over to the stand of an old Presbyterian deacon who had the much-coveted books in charge. I introduced him to the deacon, telling him the circumstances. He praised the boy very highly; was delighted to see a young man so early seeking after the truth, etc., etc.; and presented him with the best-bound Bible in his collection. Bubby put it in his pocket, and was starting off, when the deacon says, "Now, my son, that you possess what you so much desired, I suppose that you feel perfectly happy ?" "Well, I do, old hoss; for, between you and I, I know where I can trade it for most a plaguey good fiddle!"

WE are indebted for the following to a friend in Pennsylvania:

Mrs. W, an old lady residing in the town of O, was, just after one of the battles in the Southwest, listening to an account of General Grant's operations, in which, among other things, it was stated that he had caused several miles of new road to be constructed, and had covered it here and there with corduroy. "Why, bless me !" she exclaimed, "what a waste! Did a body ever hear the like! There's our boys, poor creeturs! some of 'em 'most naked, and the pesky officers using up on them seceshioners roads all that stuff that was sent to make breeches! I kin tell you," she concluded, with an indignant flourish worthy of the best days of Mrs. Partington, "we haven't got the right kind of ginerals!"

The honest matron was not aware that the" corduroy" referred to was not exactly the stuff for the boys' "breeches," but that stout timber construction employed to cover otherwise impassable highways. HERE is the next :

A little Sunday-school boy in Baltimore had been taught by his aunt Kate to repeat the twenty-third Psalm, so generally learned by children, and which, among other beautiful declarations, inculcates the lesson, "Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." But our little friend sadly failed to get the hang of this part, as the following will show :

His mother having occasion to administer to him a little "whaling," in reply to his remonstrances urged also that for his good she ought not to "spare the rod." He stood the infliction with great fortitude, but at the close, with the big tears in his eyes and hopping about like a parched pea, he gave vent in this impassioned strain, half soliloquy and half directed to his astonished parent-"There now; it ain't so: Aunt Kate said it would, but it don't; and I don't believe she ever tried it. She don't know, and the book don't know; and it don't comfort me a bit!"

"What doesn't comfort you, my dear?" asked the mother.

"Why, the rod don't. I don't feel any better, and there ain't any comfort about it, and I'll just tell her so."

The "points" of this speech were not fully comprehended until, on summoning "Aunt Kate," it was discovered that our young friend had only got things a little "mixed;" and confounded the rod spoken of by the Psalmist with the sturdy little stick just then so uncomfortably applied to him.

DEAR DRAWER,-Did you ever hear a joke from the Tombs?

Here's one :

While the "coal-hole" gentry were bulling and bearing the "leading fancy" a day or two ago in William Street, one of the light-fingered fraternity invaded the pocket of our worthy friend Baile (than whom a better mortal lives not). Being caught in flagrante delictu, and duly conveyed before Justice Conolly, a number of sympathizing shysters evinced a benevolent anxiety to have him released on bail.

"Can't do it," said the Justice; "he's just been put in by Baile, and I don't see how he can get out by it!"

A FRIEND in California revives his recollection of a theatrical incident, and vouches for its verity. He

says:

One evening, several years ago, the writer happened to be present at the "Old National," in Boston, during an engagement of Mr. and Mrs. Barney Williams. The play was "Ireland as it is." You will remember that there is one scene where the heroine of the piece conceals herself in a large chest, from which she suddenly emerges, confronting "Old Stone" with a brace of pistols, in order to defeat some nefarious scheme of that old villain. On this occasion the scene progressed as usual; the lights burned dimly, the heroine (Mrs. Williams) came on, entered the chest, and closed the lid; but unfortunately, in doing so, she accidentally allowed a portion of her white skirts to remain visible to the audience. The audience were hushed to silence, and on the qui vive for the entrance of "Old Stone," when the dénouement would take place. A little news-boy in the gallery, who evidently was famil

iar with the play, happening to observe the white skirts hanging from the chest, and being fearful that "Old Stone" would also notice them, and thereby discover the hiding-place of the lady, suddenly startled the expectant audience by exclaiming, at the height of his sharp, treble voice, "Pull in your petticoat!" The effect may be imagined, but not described.

THE grade of intelligence in any country may be measured by its freedom from superstition: the more ignorant, the more credulous are the people. It would be easy to make up a chapter of the superstitions of our own country. One of the London newspapers, bewailing the prevalence of superstition in England, says:

"After many years of education and enlightenment, after the establishment of a Church which teaches all it can to the poor; after hundreds of thousands of public journals are printed and circulated; after the Bible itself is almost given away, and the truth is preached in the parks and at the street-corners, the grossest superstition in some quarters prevails. It is only a few months ago that a soldier was brought before a magistrate for trying to kill an old woman; and his excuse was, that he went to draw the witch's blood, for she had bewitched him. The magistrate was astonished and shocked. Of course he did not conceive that such ignorance could exist. But why not? He must have known it if he had looked about him. Some few years since, in Surrey, a father borrowed from seven single men a sixpence; these sixpences an unmarried blacksmith made into a ring, and the ring was worn by a girl of seventeen to cure her of fits. Either the firm belief in this charm, or increasing age, or the previous doctoring' she had had, cured her; but, of course, all the villagers declared that it was the magic ring. This village is not twenty miles from London."

A FRIEND in South America (to whom I send Harper's Weekly and Monthly) writes as follows:

Here is a little piece of infantile ingenuity which may be worth a place in the Drawer. My little nephew was still wearing apparel partaking of the mixed character of boys' and girls'. His short gown worried him a great deal; he was anxious to get a boy's jacket and pair of pants. Oh! happiness! his aunt sent him, as a present, the very pair he had so long sighed for. As soon as he was dressed he went up to his mother, and exclaimed, joyfully, "Now it is all over! I am a Man forever! There is no danger now that I shall be a Girl!"

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Once upon a time a case was brought before his Honor arising out of an infraction of the "liquor law of the State, which then provided for the punishment by fine of any individual who sold intoxicating beverages to persons under sixteen years of age, or by less a quantity than a quart. Upon one of those grand occasions when a general muster" of the militia gave delight to numerous officers in gay uniforms, and to large masses of the good people of the country, an unlucky wight sought to avail himself of the "gelorious" opportunity to turn an honest penny. Providing himself with a small lot of ginger-cakes and a disproportionately large stock of "lightning whisky," he located upon an eligible site near the field. Knowing the penalty of the law against his little enterprise, the vendor of "the ardent" hit upon the happy expedient, to evade its provisions, of selling to his customers a ginger-cake, and then throwing a drink into the bargain.

Justice was not so blind as to fail to notice this "artful dodge," and the next morning found the delinquent citizen in the very jaws of the "Dutch Court." The testimony was short and conclusive, to the effect that he had sold a boy a cake, and then had given him a "horn;" and the defendant's lawyer put in the defense that his client sold, on the occasion under consideration, not liquor but gingercakes, well knowing, at the same time, that salt wouldn't save him. As he anticipated, the Court pronounced a verdict of Guilty, but, to the surprise of the defense, put the fine at fifteen dollars, instead of the legal penalty of five.

"May it please the Court," interposed defendant's counsel, "is there not some mistake in this sentence? The statutes provide for a fine of but five dollars for each offense. There is but one offense proven, and we are ready to pay that fine, but we hold it is contrary to the plain reading of the law to make the penalty fifteen dollars."

"There is no mishtake at all," replied the Court. “The law says five dollars for each offense. Now I fines this man five dollars, in the first place, for selling less than a quart of vishky; I fines him, in the second place, five dollars for selling vishky to a boy; and I fines him, in the third place, five dollars for trying to screen himself behind a ginger-cake!" The fine was paid, and no appeal taken.

THE following took place at a flag presentation in the Army of the Cumberland, May 1, 1863:

The flag was presented to the Fifteenth Indiana Volunteers (on behalf of the young ladies of Hascall, Indiana) by the Chaplain, and received for the regiment by General G. D. Wagner. The regiment was in line, and the rest of the brigade assembled to witness the ceremony. The General, in the course of his speech, said,

"Tell the young ladies of Hascall that when the war is over their then sanctified gift shall be returned to them, unless torn to shreds by the enemy's bullets."

"An' thin we'll take 'em back the pole!" cried an Irishman in the regiment.

The brigade, officers and men, committed a breach of discipline by laughing immoderately, and Pat received a pass to go to town next day.

WE have heard of geese in court-indeed they are more frequently found there than any other bird, and pretty generally well plucked too-but a gander, never before! The following genuine document [we copy from a Canada paper] we publish for its ex

treme curiosity, and it will also define how excruci- | far beyond the range of knife, fork, or digitals, was atingly nice the lines of justice are drawn at St. Mary's, in Canada.

a waste of empty dishes. After having been seated for a weary half hour a knife and fork were placed On reading the affair one would very naturally at his side, which revived his sinking hopes. Then suspect the Cadi to be an Irishman, and, notwith-came another aggravating delay, the hurrying waitstanding his piety, a little inclined to practical joking; but those who know Brother Sparling best (and they are many), know that he never jests upon the bench. Indeed he is rather a serious gentleman to many, and especially to erring birds in general. The documents require no comment; they are sufficiently provocative of mirth in themselves; and we have only to add the unlucky owner of the rollicking gander had recorded against him a fine of one shilling sterling and the costs:

PROVINCE OF CANADA,}

County of Perth.

To John Clark, of St. Mary's, Yeoman.

Whereas information & complaint has this day been laid
by Joseph McLarin before the undersigned, one of her
Majesty's Justices of the Peace, in and for the County of
Perth. That you
did assault this informant's two boys at
St. Mary's, in said County, by permitting your GANDER
to Bite them & slap them with his wings, and knock them
over, without any just or legal provocation, and contrary
to the Statute in such case made and provided, &c. &c.
These are therefore to command you, in Her majesty's
name, to be and appear on Monday next, the 30th day of
March, 1863, at 10 o'clock in the forenoon, at my Office,
St. Mary's, before me or such justices of the Peace for the
said County of Perth as may then be there, to answer to
said information & complaint.

Given under my hand and seal, &c.
JOHN SPARLING, J. P.

ST. MARY'S, March 21, 1863.
We are not certified whether Clark had the pug-
nacious gander with him before his worship, but
in any case we may fairly assume the celebrated
"Goose question" to be now finally and permanently
settled!

ers passing to and fro utterly regardless of his importunities for "something to eat." Finally he turned half around in his chair, and calling a waiter to him, he looked at him as only a despairingly hungry man can look, and in a loud voice exclaimed: "I am terribly hungry!—have you got any corn in the shock?”

ONE of our many friends in Boston, from whom the Drawer is always pleased to hear, sends the following, greeting:

It is now about ten years since I took my first peep into your Drawer, and- Ah! there I had better stop; for a maiden aunt of mine, I recollect, once told me that it was impolite to remind people of their ages, more being implied on that subject than it would be proper to express. One or two good things I have had laid up in lavender for some time, waiting for an opportunity to give them an airing.

You know that even the most intelligent foreigners on first coming to this country are often puzzled to master the complicated machinery of our governments; and the mistakes they make in the effort often provoke a "loud smile" in the initiated. A recent importation, an old gentleman of my acquaintance, who happened to arrive here during the last canvass for the Presidency, began to study, very laudably and perseveringly, the politics of the different parties, and soon took a great deal of interest in the antecedents and peculiarities of the rival candidates for popular favor. One morning, after reading attentively the Post's report of the ballotings for Speaker in Congress, and after two or three efSOME one asked the philosopher Fontenelle, when forts at clearing the cobwebs from his throat, he ninety-five years of age, which twenty years of his spread the papers on his knees, raised his spectacles, life he regretted the most. "I regret little," he re- looked across the breakfast-table with a very perplied; "and yet the happiest years of my life were plexed expression of countenance at me, and then rethose between the fifty-fifth and seventy fifth. At lieved himself of the following: "It appears that no fifty years a man's fortune is established, his reputa- Speaker has been elected yet, Sir. [A pause.] There tion made, consideration is obtained, the state of life has been another balloting, though; and a new fixed, pretensions given up or satisfied, prospects candidate named SCATTERING received nine votes. overthrown or established, the passions for the most Who is he? I never saw his name before." Of part calmed or cooled, the career nearly completed, course I enlightened him. as regards the labors which every man owes to society; there are fewer enemies, or rather fewer envious persons who are capable of injuring us, or because the counterpoise of merit is acknowledged by the public voice."

OUR Ohio corn-growing readers will understand and enjoy the following:

STROLLING through the lower part of Broadway, on a recent visit to your wicked city, I accidentally heard the following dialogue between a "sonsy"looking Irish woman and a fellow-countryman, who had apparently just come over from the old sod:

"Well, Misther Murphy, ye tell me that ye think of gettin' into the daling [trading] way here," said During the last Ohio State Fair, at Cleveland, | the lady, with that patronizing air always assumed the city was visited by thousands from the adjacent toward late arrivals by the ould residenthers. rural districts to witness the exhibition. As a con"Yis, ma'm, I was thinking something about it; sequence, at the close of the third day of the fair the and I'd like to have yur advice, Mrs. Dimpsey, upon commissary departments of the hotels and eating-it, if y'd plase," humbly responded Mr. M. houses were reduced to short rations, and the number that had to retire supperless was not a few. At one of the hotels a famishing countryman, of brawny proportions, and apparently not afflicted with any such complaints as indigestion or loss of appetite, had worked his way through the crowd that was packed about the dining-hall door, and found a vacant seat at a table. For a few minutes he indulged in the "pleasures of hope," expecting soon to be able to appease his wolfish appetite. All about him, and

"Take my advice, thin," said that female oracle, "and thry the provision bisiness, Misther Murphy; it's always lookey, and always safe. Calicoes and coats gits out of fashion, and lift on your hands often; but who ever heard of the cut of a ham, or shoulder of beef, or lig of mutton changin'?"

Mr. Murphy's countenance brightened up at the originality of the idea suggested to him; and by this time he is ready to supply all consumers of ham, beef, and mutton on reasonable terms.

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An Iron Glad

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A Little mill between Iron Clad Plugs A Big 'Un

VOL. XXVII.-No. 158.-S*

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