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dog. One of the soldiers said if he had the pleasure make fun at the expense of a neighbor, and conceal of writing the epitaph of the General (not the dog) the hand that pokes the fun. The Drawer is full he would put these lines over his remains : and fond of pleasantries, but the man who keeps the "He is gone. He has left us in passion and pride, key of it would lock it up, and never laugh again, Our stormy old General-we had luck when he died ! rather than give pain to the humblest man or woHe has gone; he has left us for good or for evil: man in the world. “Live and let live” is a good He has gone to report to his master, the devi).'
rule ; and he who would wantonly amuse himself by “Corporal Fagan, Company E, Sixteenth Louis- publishing a story that would wound the sensibilities iana Regiment, step to the front while I take a phot- of another, needs to take a first lesson in common ograph! He is an Irish man-one of the best fellows courtesy and humanity. that ever the sun shone on. Ready, brave, and true; the best hand at running the blockade (with A PARODY is an outrage: witness that on the whisky). Does any one in the Brooklyn Navy-yard burial uf Sir John Moore ; remember Fagan, the ship-carpenter? he's the man.
"Not a sou had he got, nor a penny note, Called out with his Company for inspection one day,
And he looked confoundedly flurried," etc. he found that he had not cleaned the inside of his gun,
But poor Goldsmith's familiar and touching lines, and before the inspector came around he managed to "When lovely woman stoops to folly," get a rag and ram it down to clean the gun; but, in fare sadly in the hands of a silk-dyer, who puts on his hurry, be lost it inside. Here was a muss! and his sign and his circular this wicked parody: the boys began to laugh at his prospect of getting “When lovely woman tilts her saucer, "extra duty' for his neglect and carelessness. When
And finds too late that tea will stainthe officer had inspected the front rank he passed to
Whatever made a woman crosser -the rear rank, and Fagan slipped out of the rear into
What art can wash all white again? the front rank, and so escaped inspection."
"The only art the stain to cover, Our “Rebel Correspondent," as he is pleased to
To hide the spot from every eye, style himself, furnishes quite a number of amusing And wear an unsoiled dress above her, incidents in his experience of soldier-life; but these
Of proper color, is to dye !" are all for which we have room this month. We have no reason to be afraid that the Drawer will be It was a funny fashion that of the last century, closed on account of its opening a correspondence which rendered powder a necessary article of dress! with the enemy. We hold out the right hand of What could have been the origin of such a fancy? fellowship to all who will lay down their arms, and Very likely some leading beau or belle, on whom hope for the day when, as in the good old times, the the “snow-fall of time” had descended prematurely, Drawer and the Star-Spangled Banner will wave determined that no one should have ebon or golden over the whole country.
hair since his or hers had changed to silver. Not
only Court fashionables, but men of all professions, The figures of speech so universally indulged in in full dress, had to wear powder. Officers, on land by Christian people in their conversations on re- or sea service, were not excepted. Of course this ligious matters and in their forms of worship, are a absurdity in dress did not pass uncriticised, and it sore puzzle to the untrained minds of the little gave rise to the following epigram : folk," and in their attempts to reconcile these figures 'Tis said that our soldiers so lazy are grown, with the literal sayings and doings of everyday life With pleasure and plenty undone, they, the "little folk," often make rather odd ex- That they more for their carriage than courage are known, pressions. Here is a case in point:
And scarce know the use of a gun. One warm, rainy Sabbath afternoon a friend of Let them say what they will, since it nobody galls, mine, who rejoices in the possession of a bright little And exclaim out still louder and louder; boy of three summers, was sitting by the open win- But there ne'er was more money expended in balls, dow watching the tiny drops as they fell, noiselessly Or a greater consumption of powder. and refreshingly, on the sward before him. On his knee he held his little prattler, whom he was amus- A RECENT Wisconsin jury-trial furnishes the foling and instructing with simple little stories about lowing case, reported by a correspondent of the the goodness of Jesus and his love for children, and Drawer : occasional snatches of hymns—those good, old-fash- At the spring term of our Circuit Court a case ioned, simple songs of praise and entreaty which lift had been tried against a Railroad Company. The the soul up to the very portals of heaven, and give plaintiff had sold to the Company in former years a the true Christian a glimpse of the joys in waiting piece of land for about $1000, and was to take his for the faithful. He had just sung a verse closing pay in the stock of the Company if delivered within with this line
a certain time. It was proved on the trial of the “* And Christ shall wash our sins away," cause that the stock was delivered to the agent of when the little fellow, taking advantage of a pause, plaintiff, but not till long after the time agreed upon, looked up into his face, and said, “Papa, let's go up and it had thus depreciated so as to be almost worthand see Jesus when it stops raining.”
less. The plaintiff, in consequence, refused to ac
cept it as pay, and brought his suit for the value All the stories" in the Drawer are supposed to of his land. There was considerable said in the be true, and we were quite amused by receiving a progress of the cause about this stock, etc., but letter from a correspondent who sends us an anecdote the attorney for the defendant contented himself reflecting severely on a distinguished person, and with excepting to certain rulings of the Judge, adds a request that we will consider the author's" and when the case went to the jury, knowing that name as confidential. As he claims to be author, under the rulings of the Court the plaintiff had maker, manufacturer of the story, we have no wish made a complete case, declined making any arguto appropriate bis work, and prefer to let it slide. It ment to the jury. The jury retired. To the astonis a very poor business, a very mean business, to lishment of the bar and every body else they were out
any more ?"
a long while, but they finally returned a verdict for The honest matron was not aware that the corthe plaintiff for all he claimed. Considerable cu- duroy” referred to was not exactly the stuff for the riosity was manifested to know the reason why the boys'“ breeches," but that stout timber construction jury delayed so long in finding a verdict in so plain a employed to cover otherwise impassable highways.
One of the jury finally let the secret escape. It appears that Jemmy Mann was on that jury. Here is the next : Jemmy had dealt some in cattle, etc., but not much A little Sunday-school boy in Baltimore had been in law, nor did know much about railroads. After taught by his aunt Kate to repeat the twenty-third the jury retired the first ballot showed eleven to one Psalm, so generally learned by children, and which, -eleven for plaintiff, and one for defendant. Sev- among other beautiful declarations, inculcates the eral ballots were taken with the same result. After lesson, “Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." some investigation it was ascertained that Jemmy But our little friend sadly failed to get the hang of was the man who was for the defendant. His rea- this part, as the following will show : son for voting in this way was demanded. “And, His mother having occasion to administer to him sure," replied Jemmy, “would you be after paying a little " whaling,” in reply to his remonstrances a man twice for his land ? Didn't the witness say urged also that for his good she ought not to "spare tbat the plaintiff had received his pay in stock ; and the rod.” He stood the infliction with great fortiwouldn't I like to know what he did with the cattle tude, but at the close, with the big tears in his eyes before, as an honest man, I can vote for giving him and hopping about like a parched pea, he gave vent
It took some time to make Jemmy in this impassioned strain, half soliloquy and half understand the difference between railroad stock, at directed to his astonished parent—“There now ; it fifteen cents on the dollar, and horses and cattle, etc.; ain't so: Aunt Kate said it would, but it don't; and but he finally yielded to the persistency of the eleven I don't believe she ever tried it. She don't know, obstinate men who were for plaintiff, and who didn't and the book don't know; and it don't comfort me seem to care what he had done with the cattle. a bit!”
“What doesn't comfort you, my dear?" asked A MICHIGAN lawyer, who writes a very bad hand, the mother. sends us the following:
“Why, the rod don't. I don't feel any better, Several years ago I was practicing law in one of and there ain't any comfort about it, and I'll just the many beautiful towns in Wisconsin. One very tell her so." warm day, while seated in my office at work, I was The "points" of this speech were not fully cominterrupted by the entrance of a boy, the son of prehended until, on summoning “Aunt Kate,” it one of my clients, who had walked into town, six was discovered that our young friend had only got miles, in a blazing sun, for the purpose of procur- things a little “mixed;" and confounded the rod ing a Bible. He had been told, he said, that there spoken of by the Psalmist with the sturdy little was a place there where they gave them away to stick just then so uncomfortably applied to him. people who had no money; he said he had no money, and was very anxious to get one of the good DEAR DRAWER, -Did you ever hear a joke from books, and asked me to go with him to the place the Tombs? Here's one: where they were kept. Anxious to encourage him While the “coal-hole" gentry were bulling and in his early piety, I left the brief on which I was bearing the “leading fancy” a day or two ago in engaged, and went with him over to the stand of an William Street, one of the light-fingered fraternity old Presbyterian deacon who had the much-coveted invaded the pocket of our worthy friend Baile (than books in charge. I introduced him to the deacon, whom a better mortal lives not). Being caught in telling him the circumstances. He praised the boy flagrante delictu, and duly conveyed before Justice very highly; was delighted to see a young man so Conolly, a number of sympathizing shysters evinced carly seeking after the truth, etc., etc. ; and pre- a benevolent anxiety to have him released on bail. sented him with the best-bound Bible in his collec- “Can't do it," said the Justice; “he's just been tion. Bubby put it in his pocket, and was starting put in by Baile, and I don't see how he can get out off, when the deacon says, “ Now, my son, that you by it!" possess what you so much desired, I suppose that you feel perfectly happy?” “Well, I do, old hoss; A FRIEND in California revives his recollection of for, between you and I, I know where I can trade it a theatrical incident, and vouches for its verity. He for most a plaguey good fiddle !"
One evening, several years ago, the writer hape We are indebted for the following to a friend in pened to be present at the "Old National," in BosPennsylvania :
ton, during an engagement of Mr. and Mrs. Barney Mrs. W an old lady residing in the town of Williams. The play was “Ireland as it is.” You 0_, was, just after one of the battles in the South- will remember that there is one scene where the west, listening to an account of General Grant's heroine of the piece conceals herself in a large chest, operations, in which, among other things, it was from which she suddenly emerges, confronting “Old stated that he had caused several miles of new road Stone" with a brace of pistols, in order to defeat to be constructed, and had covered it here and there some nefarious scheme of that old villain. On this with corduroy. “Why, bless me!" she exclaimed, occasion the scene progressed as usual; the lights "what a waste! Did a body ever hear the like burned dimly, the heroine (Mrs. Williams) came on, There's our boys, poor creeturs! some of 'em 'most entered the chest, and closed the lid; but unfortunaked, and the pesky officers using up on them nately, in doing so, she accidentally allowed a porseceshioners roads all that stuff that was sent to tion of her white skirts to remain visible to the anmake breeches! I kin tell you," she concluded, dience. The audience were hushed to silence, and with an indignant flourish worthy of the best days on the qui vive for the entrance of “Old Stone," of Mrs. Partington, "we haven't got the right kind when the dénouement would take place. A little of ginerals!"
news-boy in the gallery, who evidently was familiar with the play, happening to observe the white Once upon a time a case was brought before his skirts hanging from the chest, and being fearful Honor arising out of an infraction of the “liquor tbat “Old Stone” would also notice them, and law of the State, which then provided for the punthereby discover the hiding-place of the lady, sud- ishment by fine of any individual who sold intoxidenly startled the expectant audience by exclaim- cating beverages to persons under sixteen years of ing, at the height of his sharp, treble voice, " Pull age, or by less a quantity than a quart. Upon one in your petticoat !” The effect may be imagined, of those grand occasions when a general muster" but not described.
of the militia gave delight to numerous officers in
gay uniforms, and to large masses of the good people THE grade of intelligence in any country may be of the country, an unlucky wight sought to avail measured by its freedom from superstition : the himself of the "gelorious” opportunity to turn an more ignorant, the more credulous are the people. honest penny. Providing himself with a small lot It would be easy to make up a chapter of the super- of ginger-cakes and a disproportionately large stock stitions of our own country. One of the London of " lightning whisky," he located upon an eligible newspapers, bewailing the prevalence of superstition site near the field. Knowing the penalty of the law in England, says:
against his little enterprise, the vendor of the ar“ After many years of education and enlightenment, dent” hit upon the happy expedient, to evade its after the establishment of a Church which teaches all it provisions, of selling to his customers a ginger-cake, can to the poor; after hundreds of thousands of public and then throwing a drink into the bargain. journals are printed and circulated; after the Bible itself Justice was not so blind as to fail to notice this is almost given away, and the truth is preached in the “artful dodge," and the next morning found the deparks and at the street-corners, the grossest superstition linquent citizen in the very jaws of the “Dutch in some quarters prevails. It is only a few months ago Court." The testimony was short and conclusive, that a soldier was brought before a magistrate for trying to the effect that he had sold a boy a cake, and then to kill an old woman; and his excuse was, that he went to draw the witch's blood, for she had bewitched him. had given him a “horn;" and the defendant's lawThe magistrate was astonished and shocked. Of course he yer put in the defense that his client sold, on the did not conceive that such ignorance could exist. But occasion under consideration, not liquor but gingerwhy not? He must have known it if he had looked about cakes, well knowing, at the same time, that salt him. Some few years since, in Surrey, a father borrowed wouldn't save him. As he anticipated, the Court from seven single men a sixpence; these sixpences an un pronounced a verdict of Guilty, but, to the surprise married blacksmith made into a ring, and the ring was worn by a girl of seventeen to cure her of fits. Either the of the defense, put the fine at fifteen dollars, instead firm belief in this charm, or increasing age, or the pre
of the legal penalty of five. vious .doctoring' she had had, cured her; but, of course,
“May it please the Court,” interposed defendant's all the villagers declared that it was the magic ring. This counsel, “is there not some mistake in this senvillage is not twenty miles from London."
tence? The statutes provide for a fine of but five
dollars for each offense. There is but one offense A FRIEND in South America (to whom I send proven, and we are ready to pay that fine, buzi we Harper's Weekly and Monthly) writes as follows: hold it is contrary to the plain reading of the law to
Here is a little piece of infantile ingenuity which make the penalty fifteen dollars." may be worth a place in the Drawer. My little “There is no mishtake at all," replied the Court. nephew was still wearing apparel partaking of the “The law says five dollars for each offense. Now mixed character of boys' and girls'. His short gown I fines this man five dollars, in the first place, for worried him a great deal; he was anxious to get a selling less than a quart of vishky; I fines him, in boy's jacket and pair of pants. Oh! happiness! his the second place, five dollars for selling vishky to a aunt sent him, as a present, the very pair he had so boy; and I fines him, in the third place, five dollars long sighed for. As soon as he was dressed he went for trying to screen himself behind a ginger-cake.!" up to his mother, and exclaimed, joyfully, “Now it The fine was paid, and no appeal taken. is all over! I am a Man forever! There is no dan. ger now that I shall be a Girl!"
The following took place at a flag presentation in
the Army of the Cumberland, May 1, 1863 : WASHINGTON, D. C., April 24, 1863. The flag was presented to the Fifteenth Indiana If you see fit to publish the following letter please Volunteers (on behalf of the young ladies of Hascall, do so, and oblige yours,
Indiana) by the Chaplain, and received for the
regiment by General G. D. Wagner. The regiTo Col. W. W. Wrong, Present :
ment was in line, and the rest of the brigade assem81K-I have the honor to inform you that Wm. Major bled to witness the ceremony. The General, in the A Employee in your Department “Died this Morning at
course of his speech, said, this Hospital of " information on the brains" and I would request you to make the Necessay preparation for the in
“ Tell the young ladies of Hascall that when the terment of his remains as soon as practicable.
war is over their then sanctified gift shall be reVery respectfully your obdt. servt turned to them, unless torn to shreds by the en
Wm. H. White, U. S. V. emy's bullets."
Irishman in the regiment. A PLEASANT country village in Ohio some years The brigade, officers and men, committed a breach since possessed that which is often denied to places of discipline by laughing immoderately, and Pat of more consequence—a court which really dispensed received a pass to go to town next day. justice. Its chief was a Justice of the Peace, whose good common sense and honesty of purpose counter- We have heard of geese in court-indeed they are balanced his want of legal lore; and in consequence more frequently found there than any other bird, of its straightforward decisions the “Dutch Court,” | and pretty generally well plucked too—but a gander, as it was popularly called, became a great terror to never before! The following genuine document (we evil-doers.
copy from a Canada paper] we publish for its ex
County of Perth.
treme curiosity, and it will also define how excruci- , far beyond the range of knife, fork, or digitals, was atingly nice the lines of justice are drawn at St. a waste of empty dishes. After having been seated Mary's, in Canada.
for a weary half hour a knife and fork were placed On reading the affair one would very naturally at his side, which revived his sinking hopes. Then suspect the Cadi to be an Irishman, and, notwith- came another aggravating delay, the hurrying waitstanding his piety, a little inclined to practical ers passing to and fro utterly regardless of his imjoking; but those who know Brother Sparling best portunities for “something to eat." Finally he (and they are many), know that he never jests upon turned half around in his chair, and calling a waiter the bench. Indeed he is rather a serious gentleman to him, he looked at him as only a despairingly to many, and especially to erring birds in general. hungry man can look, and in a loud voice exclaimThe documents require no comment; they are suffi- ed: "I am terribly hungry!-have you got any corn ciently provocative of mirth in themselves; and we in the shock?" have only to add the unlucky owner of the rollicking gander had recorded against him a fine of one One of our many friends in Boston, from whom shilling sterling and the costs :
the Drawer is always pleased to hear, sends the folDa,}
It is now about ten years since I took my first To John Clark, of St. Mary's, Yeoman.
peep into your Drawer, and - Ah! there I had betWhereas information & complaint has this day been laid ter stop; for a maiden aunt of mine, I recollect, by Joseph McLarin before the undersigned, one of her Majesty's Justices of the Peace, in and for the County of
once told me that it was impolite to remind people Perth. That you did assault this informant's two boys at of their ages, more being implied on that subject St. Mary's, in said County, by permitting your GANDER than it would be proper to express. One or two to Bite them & slap them with his wings, and knock them good things I have had laid up in lavender for some over, without any just or legal provocation, and contrary time, waiting for an opportunity to give them an to the Statute in such case made and provided, &c. &c. airing.
These are therefore to command you, in Her majesty's You know that even the most intelligent foreignname, to be and appear on Monday next, the 30th day of March, 1863,
at 10 o'clock in the forenoon, at my office, ers on first coming to this country are often puzSt. Mary's, before me or such justices of the Peace for the zled to master the complicated machinery of our said County of Perth as may then be there, to answer to governments; and the mistakes they make in the eaid information & complaint.
effort often provoke a “loud smile" in the initiated. Given under my hand and seal, &c. A recent importation, an old gentleman of my ac
Joun SPARLING, J. P. quaintance, who happened to arrive here during the ST. MARY's, March 21, 1863.
last canvass for the Presidency, began to study, very We are not certified whether Clark had the pug- laudably and perseveringly, the politics of the difnacious gander with him before his worship, but ferent partirs, and soon took a great deal of interest in iny case we may fairly assume the celebrated in the antecedents and peculiarities of the rival can“Goose question" to be now finally and permanently didates for popular favor. One morning, after readsettled !
ing attentively the Post's report of the ballotings
for Speaker in Congress, and after two or three efSome one asked the philosopher Fontenelle, when forts at clearing the cobwebs from his throat, he ninety-fire years of age, which twenty years of his spread the papers on his knees, raised his spectacles, life he regretted the most. “I regret little," he re- looked across the breakfast-table with a very perplied; "and yet the happiest years of my life were plexed expression of countenance at me, and then rethose between the fifty-fifth and seventy fifih. At lieved himself of the following: “It appears that no fifty years a man's fortune is established, his reputa- Speaker has been elected yet, Sir. [A pause.] There tion made, consideration is obtained, the state of life has been another balloting, though; and a new fixed, pretensions given up or satisfied, prospects candidate named SCATTERING received nine votes. overthrown or established, the passions for the most Who is he? I never saw his name before.” Of part calmed or cooled, the career nearly completed, course I enlightened him. as regards the labors which every man owes to society; there are fewer enemies, or rather fewer envi- STROLLING through the lower part of Broadway, ous persons who are capable of injuring us, or be-on a recent visit to your wicked city, I accidentally cause the counterpoise of merit is acknowledged by heard the following dialogue between a “sonsy". the public voice."
looking Irish woman and a fellow-countryman, who
had apparently just come over from the old sod: Our Ohio corn-growing readers will understand “Well, Misther Murphy, ye tell me that ye think and enjoy the following:
of gettin' into the daling (trading] way here," said During the last Ohio State Fair, at Cleveland, the lady, with that patronizing air always assumed the city was visited by thousands from the adjacent toward late arrivals by the ould residenthers. rural districts to witness the exhibition. As a con- “Yis, ma'm, I was thinking something about it; sequence, at the close of the third day of the fair the and I'd like to have yur advice, Mrs. Dimpsey, upon commissary departments of the hotels and eating- it, if y'd plase,” humbly responded Mr. M. houses were reduced to short rations, and the num- "Take my advice, thin," said that female oracle, ber that had to retire supperless was not a few. At" and thry the provision bisiness, Misther Murphy; one of the hotels a famishing countryman, of brawny it's always lookey, and always safe. Calicoes and proportions, and apparently not afflicted with any coats gits out of fashion, and lift on your hands oftsuch complaints as indigestion or loss of appetite, en; but who ever heard of the cut of a ham, or had worked his way through the crowd that was shoulder of beef, or lig of mutton changin'?" packed about the dining-hall door, and found a vacant Mr. Murphy's countenance brightened up at the seat at a table. For a few minutes he indulged in originality of the idea suggested to him; and by the "pleasures of hope," expecting soon to be able this time he is ready to supply all consumers of to appease his wolfish appetite. All about him, and bam, beef, and mutton on reasonable terms.