Fal. You're welcome: what's your will?-Give us leave, drawer! [Exit Bardolph. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook. Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ford. Good sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something embolden'd me to this unseason'd intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. lowed for your many war-like, court-like, and learned Ford. Believe it, for you know it! There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemence of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to yourself very preposte rously. Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself:she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her with any detecFal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. tion in my hand, my desires had instance and argument Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here trou-to commend themselves; I could drive her then from bles me: if you will help me to bear it, sir John,take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good master Brook; I shall be glad to be your servant. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar, I will be brief with you; and you have been a man long known to me,though I had never so good means as s desire,to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own,that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know, how easy it is to be such an offender. the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriagevow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too strongly embattled against me. What say you to't, sir John? Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money;next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. Ford. O, good sir! Fal. Master Brook, I say you shall. Ford. Want no money, sir John, you shall want none. Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you shall want none. I shall be with her, (I may tell you,) by her own appointment ;even as you came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir? Fal. Very well, sir; proceed! Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her hus- Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him band's name is Ford. Ful. Well, sir. Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, be- Love like a shadow flies, when substance love pursues; Ford. Never. not:-yet I wrong him, to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me well-favoured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, I will predominate o'er the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night :-Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile; thou, master Brook, shalt know him for a knave and cuckold:-come to me soon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this!-My heart is ready to crack with impatience.— Who says, this is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is made. Would any man have thought this?-See the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villainous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names!-Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' adFal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? ditions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wittol-cuFord. When I have told you that, I have told you all. ckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page Some say, that, though she appear honest to me, yet, in is an ass, a secure ass, he will trust his wife, he will not other places,she enlargeth her mirth so far,that there is be jealous: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butshrewd construction made of her. Now, sir John, here ter, parson Hugh the Welchman with my cheese, an is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of ex-Irishman with my aqua-vitae bottle, or a thief to walk cellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admit-my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then tance, authentic in your place and person, generally al- she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises: and Fal. Have you importuned her to such a purpose? Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Rug. Sir. to meet. III. what they think in their hearts, they may effect, they Caius. By gar, me do look, he shall clapper-de-claw will break their hearts, but they will effect. Heaven be me; for, by gar, me vill have it. praised for my jealousy !--Eleven o'clock the hour ;- Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag. I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Caius. Me tank yon for dat. Falstail , and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three Host. And moreover, bully, —but first, master guest, hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you cuckold! cuckold ! cuckold! [Exit. through the town to Frogmore. [-4 side to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctorabout by the fields:will it do well ? Caius. Jack Rugby! Shal. We will do it. Page. Shal, and Slen. Adieu, good master doctor. Caius. Vat is de clock, Jack? [Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that sir Hugh promised Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for ajack-an-ape to Anne Page. Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; Host. Let him die: but first, sheath thy impatience; he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come; by gar, throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. with me throngh Frogmore; I will bring thee where Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would mistress Anne Pageis, at a farm-house a-feasting; and kill him, if he came. thou shall woo her. Cry'd game, said I well? Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill kill Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love him. Take your rapier, Jack ; I vill tell you, how I vill you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, kill him. de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence. Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary towards Caius. Villainy, take your rapier. Anne Page; said I well? • Rug. Forbear; here's company. Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said. Enter Host, SHAJ.J.OW, Slender, and Page. Host. Let us wag then. • Host. 'Bless thee, bully doctor. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. [Lxeunt. A CT SCENEI. A field near Frogmore. Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple. traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there ; to see thee Eva. I pray you now, good master Slender's servingpass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distances, man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have thy montant. Is he dead, my Éthiopian? Is he dead, my you looked for master Caius, that calls himself Doctor Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Aesculapius? my of Physic? Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully Stale? Sim. Marry, sir, the city-ward, the park-ward, eveis he dead? ry way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town Caius. By gar, heis de coward Jack priest of the vorld; way. he is not show his face. Eva. I most fehemently desire you, you will also look Host. Thou art a Castilian king, Urinal ! Hector of that way. Greece, my boy! Sim. I will, sir. Caius. I pray you, bear vitness, dat me have stay six Eva. 'Pless my soul! how full of cholers I am, and or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. trempling of mind !-- I shall be glad, if he have decei Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a cu-ved me: how melancholies I am!—I will knog his rer of souls, and you a curers of bodies; if you should urinals abont his knave's costard, when I have good fight, you go against the hair of your professions ; is opportunities for the’ork: – ’pless my soul! (Sings. it not true, master Page? To shallow rivers, to whose falls Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great Melodious birds sing madrigals; fighter, though now a man of peace. There will we make our peds of roses, Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be old, And a thousand fragrant posies. and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches To shallow to make one: thongh we are justices, and doctors, and 'Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our Melodiousbirds sing madrigals ;youth in us; we are the sons of women, master When as I sut in Pabylon.- Page. And a thousand vagram posies. sir Hugh. peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, Eva. He's welcome :-and sir Hugh hath shewn himself a wise and patient To shallow rivers, to whose falls-churchman: you must go with me, master doctor. Heaven prosper the right! - What weapons is he? Host. Pardon, guest Justice! - A word, monsieur Sim. No weapons, sir: there comes my master, masMuck-water. ter Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, Caius. Muck-vater! vat is dat? over the stile, this way. Host. Muck-water, in our English tongue, is valour, Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in bully. your arms. Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck-vater as de Enter Page, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Englishman. -Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me Shal. How now, master parson? Good-morrow, good vill cut his ears. sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good Hest. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. student from his book, and it is wonderful. Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat? Slen. Ah, sweet Aune Page ! Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Page. Save you, good sir Hugh! а Page. I think you know him; master doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. Eva. Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge. Page. Why? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hipocrates and Galen, and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave, as you would desires to be acquainted withal. Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! him. Shal. It appears so, by his weapons: - keep them asunder;-here comes doctor Caius. Enter Host, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. Host. Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English. Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a vord vit your ear: verefore vill you not meet-a me? Eva. Pray you, use your patience; in good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends :—I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appointments. Caius. Diable!—Jack Rugby, -mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say, Guallia and Gaul, French and Welch; soul-curer and body-curer. Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Host. Peace, I say; hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politick? am I subtle ? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my parson? my priest? my sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs, and the no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so:Give me thy hand, celestial; so. - Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their swords to pawn! - Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow! Shal. Trust me, a mad host!-Follow, gentleman, follow! Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt Shallow, Slender, Page, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us? ha, ha! Eva. This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I desire you, that we may be friends, and let us MrsPage. He, he; I can never hit on's name.-There is such a league between my good man and he! — Is your wife at home, indeed? Ford. Indeed, she is. Mrs Page. By your leave, sir; -I am sick, till I see her. [Exeunt Mrs Page and Robin. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot point blank twelve score. He pieces-out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly motion, and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind!-and Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots! they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure aud wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. [Clock strikes.] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search; there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather praised for this, than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host, Sir HUGH EVANS, CAIUS, and RUGBY. Shal. Page, etc. Well met, master Ford. Ford. Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home; and, I pray you, all go with me. Shal. I must excuse myself, master Ford. Slen. And so must I, sir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Slen. I hope, I have your good will, father Page? Page. You have, master Slender; I stand wholly for you:- but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether. Caius. Ay, by gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a Quickly tell me so much. Host. What say you to young master Fenton? he ca- | Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough; pers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes ver- this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour! ses, he speaks holyday, he smells April and May: he Mrs Ford. O sweet sir John! will carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he will Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, miscarry't. tress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gen-husband were dead; I'll speak it before the best lord, tleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild I would make thee my lady. Prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way. Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner; besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor, ;—so shall you, master Page; — and you, go; you SCENE III. -Aroom in Ford's house. I Mrs Ford. I your lady, sir John! alas, I should be a pityful lady! Fal. Let the court of France show me such another; see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast the right arched bent of the brow, that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance. Mrs Ford. A plain kerchief, sir John: my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. Fal. Thou art a traitor to say so thou would'st make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait, in a semicircled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if fortune thy foe were not; nature is thy friend: come, thou canst not hide it. Mrs Ford. Believe me, there's no such thing in me! Fal. What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee! Come, I cannot cog, and say, thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it. Mrs Ford. Do not betray me, sir! I fear, you love Mrs Page. Mrs Page. Come, come, come! Mrs Page. Give your men the charge; we must be brief. Mrs Ford, Marry, as I told you before, John, and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew-house; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and (without any pause or staggering,) take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames' Mrs Page. You will do it? side. Mrs Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction: be gone, and come when you are called. [Exeunt Servants. Mrs Page. Here comes little Robin. Enter ROBIN. Mrs Ford. How now, my eyas-musket? what news with you? Rob. My master sir John is come in at your back-door, mistress Ford, and requests your company. Mrs Page. You little Jack-a-lent, have you been true to us? Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn: my master knows not of your being here; and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for, he swears, he'll turn me away. Mrs Page. Thou'rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose. I'll go hide me. Fal. Thou might'st as well say, I love to walk by the Counter-gate; which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln. Mrs Ford. Well, heaven knows, how I love you; and you shall one day find it. Fal. Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind. Rob. [Within.] Mistress Ford, mistress Ford! here's mistress Page at the door, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. Fal. She shall not see me; I will ensconce me behind the arras. Mrs. Ford. Pray you, do so; she's a very tattling woman.[Falstaff hides himself. Enter Mistress PAGE and ROBIN. What's the matter? how now? Mrs Page. O mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, you are overthrown, you are undone for ever! Mrs Ford. What's the matter, good mistress Page? Mrs Page. O well-a-day, mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! Mrs Ford. What cause of suspicion? Mrs Page. What cause of suspicion! you! how am I mistook in you! · Out upon Mrs Ford. Why, alas! what's the matter? Mrs Page. Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman, that, he says, is here now in the house, by your Mrs Ford. Do so!-Go, tell thy master, I am alone!-consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence. You Mistress Page, remember you your cue! [Exit Robin. are undone. Mrs Page. I warrant thee; ifI do not act it, hiss me! [Exit Mrs Page. Mrs Ford. Go to then! we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watry pumpion; - we'll teach him to know turtles from jays. Enter FALSTAff. Mrs Ford. Speak louder! [Aside.] - 'Tis not so, I hope. Mrs Page. Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here! but 'tis most certain, your husband's coming with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one. I come before to tell know you; if you Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? yourself clear, why I am glad of it: but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out! Be not amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever! Mrs Ford. What shall I do? - There is a gentleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame, so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound, he were out of the house. Mrs Page. For shame, never stand you had rather, and you had rather; your husband's here at hand, bethink you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived me!-Look, here is a basket; if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking: or, it is whiting-time, send him by your two men to Datchet Mead. Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: what shall I do? Re-enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Let me see't, let me see't! O let me see't! I'll in, I'll in;-follow your friend's counsel ;-I'll in. Mrs Page. What! sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight? Fal. I love thee, and none but thee; help me away! let me creep in here! I'll never --- [He goes into the basket; they cover him with foul linen. Mrs Page. Help to cover your master, boy! Call your men, mistress Ford! You dissembling knight! Mrs Ford. What, John, Robert, John! [Exit Robin. Re-enter Servants. Go take up these clothes here, quickly! where's the cowl-staff? look, how you drumble: carry them to the laundress in Datchet Mead ; quickly, come! Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and Sir HUGH EVANS. Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me, then let me be your jest; I deserve it. How now? whither bear you this? Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing. Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck! Buck, buck, buck? Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and of the season too; it shall appear.-[Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers, search, seek, find out: I'll warrant we'll unkennel the fox! Let me stop this way first! So, now uncape. Page. Good master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. Ford. True, master Page.-Up, gentlemen ; you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen! [Exit. Eva. This is fery fantastical humours, and jealousies. Caius. By gar, 'tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search! [Exeunt Evans, Page, and Caius. Mrs Page. Is there not a double excellency in this? Mrs Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or sir John. Mrs Page. What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket! Mrs Ford.I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. Mrs Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same strain were in the same distress. Mrs Ford. I think, my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. Mrs Page. I will lay a plot to try that: and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. Mrs Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment? Mrs Page. We'll do it; let him be sent for to-morrow eight o'clock, to have amends. Re-enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and Sir HUGH EVANS. Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that, he could not compass. Mrs Page. Heard you that? Mrs Ford. Ay, ay, peace! - You use me well, master Ford, do you? Ford. Ay, Ido so. Mrs Ford. Heaven make you better than your thoughts! Ford. Amen. Mrs Page. You do yourself mighty wrong, master Ford. Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it. Eva. If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the collers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment ! Caius. By gar, nor I too; dere is no bodies. Page. Fie, fie, master Ford! are you not ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? would not have your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle. I I Ford. 'Tis my fault, master Page: I suffer for it. Eva. You suffer for a pad conscience; your wife is as honest a'omans, as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too. come, Caius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. Ford. Well; -I promised you a dinner; come, walk in the park : I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter make known to you, why I have done this.— Come, wife;-come, mistress Page; I pray you, pardon me; pray heartily, pardon me! Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house to breakfast; after, we'll a-birding together; have a fine hawk for the bush: shall it be so? Ford. Any thing. Eva. If there is one, I shall make two in the company. Caius. If there be one or two, I shall make-a de turd. Eva. In your teeth: for shame. Ford. Pray you go, master Page! Eva. I pray you now, remembrance to-morrow on the lousy kuave, mine host! Caius. Dat is good; by gar, vit all my heart. Eva. A lousy knave; to have his gibes, and his mockeries. [Exeunt. I SCENE IV.-A room in Page's house. Fent. Why, thou must be thyself. I should love thee, but as a property. |