and a few paragraphs to scribble before I go. (Looking at memorandums). Here is "A conscientious baker, on the subject of the army bread”; and “ A detester of visible brickwork, in favour of the new-invented stucco"; both in the style of Junius, and promised for to-morrow. The Thames navigation too is at a stand. Misomud or Anti-shoal must go to work again directly.-Here, too, are some political memorandums—I see, ay-To take Paul Jones, and get the Indiamen out of the Shannon-reinforce Byron-compel the Dutch to-so!—I must do that in the evening papers, or reserve it for the "Morning Herald"; for I know that I have undertaken to-morrow, besides, to establish the unanimity of the fleet in the “Public Advertiser," and to shoot Charles Fox in the "Morning Post." So, egad, I havn't a moment to lose!

Dang. Well, we 'll meet in the green room.

SHERIDAN.

THE HEIR AT LAW.

First Selection.

Enter DOCTOR PANGLOSS and WAITER.

Pan. Let the chariot turn about. Doctor Pangloss in a lord's chariot ! Curru portatur eodem." Juvenal.—Hem!

Waiter!

Wait. Sir.

Pan. Have you any gentlemen here who arrived this morning?

Wait. There's one in the house now, sir.

Pan. Is he juvenile ?

Wait. No, sir; he's Derbyshire.

Pan. [Laughing]. He! he he! Of what appearance is the gentleman?

Wait. Why, plaguy poor, sir.

Pan. "I hold him rich al had he not a sherte."-Chaucer Hem! Denominated the Honorable Mr. Dowlas ?

Wait. Honorable !-He left his name plain Dowlas at the bar, sir.

Pan. Plain Dowlas, did he? That will do. "For all the rest is leather

Wait. Leather, sir?

Pan. "And prunella." Pope.-Hem! Tell Mr. Dowlas, a gentleman requests the honor of an interview.

Wait. This is his room, sir. He has but just stepped into our parcel warehouse; he 'll be with you directly. [Exit.]

Pan. Never before did honor and affluence let fall such a shower on the head of Doctor Pangloss! Fortune, I thank thee! Propitious goddess, I am grateful! I, thy favored child, who commenced his career in the loftiest apartment of a muffin-maker in Milk Alley! Little did I think-"good easy man!" Shakespere-Hem !—of the riches and literary dignity which now

My pupil !

Enter DICK DOWLAS.

Dick [Entering]. Well, where is the man that wants[Seeing Pangloss] Oh! you are he, I suppose. Pan. I am the man, young gentleman. "Homo sum." Terence.-Hem! Sir, the person who now presumes to address you is Peter Pangloss; to whose name, in the college of Aberdeen, is subjoined LL. D., signifying Doctor of Laws; to which has been recently added the distinction of A double S-the Roman initials for a Fellow of the Society of Arts.

Dick. Sir, I am your most obedient, Richard Dowlas, to whose name, in his tailors bill. is subjoined DR., signifying Debtor; to which are added, L. S. D.,-the Roman initials for pounds, shillings, and pence!

Pan. [Aside]. Ah! this youth was doubtless designed by destiny to move in the circles of fashion; for he's dipped in debt, and makes a merit of telling it.

Dick. But what are your commands with me, doctor? Pan. I have the honor, young gentleman, of being deputed an ambassador to you from your father.

Dick. Then you have the honor to be ambassador of as good-natured an old fellow, as ever sold a ha'porth of cheese in a chandler's shop!

Pan. Pardon me, if, on the subject of your father's cheese, I advise you, to be as mute as a mouse in one for the future! "Twere better to keep that "alta mente repostum." Virgil.-Hem!

Dick. Why, what's the matter?-Any misfortune?— Broke, I fear.

Pan. No, not broke; but his name, as 'tis customary in these cases, has appeared in the Gazette.

Dick. Not broke, but gazetted! Why, zounds

When

Pan. Check your passions-learn philosophy. the wife of the great Socrates threw a―hem!—threw a tea-pot at his erudite head, he was as cool as a cucumber. When Plato

Dick. Hang Plato!-what of my father?

Pan. Don't curse Plato: the bees swarmed round his mellifluous mouth as soon as he was swaddled.

"Cum in

cunis apes in labellis consedissent..." Cicero.-Hem! Dick. I wish you had a swarm round yours, with all my heart! Come to the point.

Pan. In due time. But calm your choler. "Ira furor brevis est..." Horace.-Hem! [Producing a letter].

Read this!

Dick [Snatching the letter, breaking it open, and reading]. "Dear Dick,-This comes to inform you I am in a perfect state of health, hoping you are the same." Ah, that's the old beginning. "It was my lot last week to be madeAy, a bankrupt, I suppose!" To be made a

66

"What?

To be made a [spelling] P. E. A. R." A pear! to be made a pear! What the deuce does he mean by that?

Pan. A peer-a peer of the realm. His lordship's orthography is a little loose; but several of his equals countenance the custom. Lord Loggerhead always spells physician with an F.

Dick. A peer! what, my father? I'm electrified !—Old Daniel Dowlas made a peer! But let me see. [Reading.] "A pear of the realm.—Lawyer Ferret got me my tittle—' Titt- oh, title! "And an estate of fifteen thousand per annum, by making me out next of kin to old Lord Duberly, because he died without- -without hair." 'Tis an odd reason, by the bye, to be next of kin to a nobleman, because he died bald!

Pan. His lordship means heir shall meliorate his style speedily. Shakespere. Hem!

We

heir to his estate.
"Reform it altogether."

Dick [Reading]. "I send my carrot

"Carrot!

66

Pan. [Laughing]. He he he! Chariot, his lordship means. Chariot a little coach." Johnson.-Hem! Dick." With Doctor Pangloss in it."

Pan. That's me.

66

Dick. Respect him, for he's an LL. D., and, moreover, an A double S." [They bow.]

Pan. His lordship kindly condescended to insert that at my request.

Dick. " cakelology."

And I have made him your tutorer, to mend your

Pan. Cacology-from Kakos "malus", and Aoyos “verbum." Vide Lexicon.-Hem!

Dick. Come with the Doctor to my house in Hanover Square." Hanover Square! "I remain, your affectionate father to command,-Duberly."

Pan. That's his lordship's title.

Dick. It is?

Pan. It is. Waiter!

Dick. That's right; tell him to pop my clothes and linen into the carriage; they are in that bundle.

Enter WAITER.

Pan. Waiter, put all the Honorable Mr. Dowlas' clothes and linen into his father's, Lord Duberly's, chariot. Wait. Where are they all, sir?

Pan. All wrapped up in the Honorable Mr. Dowlas' pocket-handkerchief.

Dick. See 'em safe in, doctor; I will be with

Pan. I go, most worthy pupil.

you directly.

[Exit DICK.]

COLMAN.

THE HEIR AT LAW.

Second Selection.

Enter STEDFAST.

Ste. A noble house, faith! and bespeaks some of that stately dignity in the owner, which my friend Harry hinted to me.-His Lordship, I warrant, is as stiff as buckram,

with a pompous display of language, that puzzles a plain man to keep pace with him.

Enter JOHN.

John. My lord's compliments, sir, and he 'll be with you in the twinkling of a bedpost.

[Exit. Ste. Zounds! that's the oddest phrase, for a fine spoken peer, I ever met with! The ignorance of the servant, I suppose. These blockheads never know how to deliver a message.-Oh! here he comes.

Enter LORD DUBERLY,

Your lordship's most obedient servant.

[Bows.

Dub. [Bowing vulgarly]. Sir, you 're kindly welcome. Ste. [Aside.] Kindly welcome! Condescending at least ; but not quite so dignified as I expected.-[Aloud] I am a rough traveller, my lord, ungifted with your lordship's flow of diction; and, having real business, I trust that, without further preface, it may plead my apology.

Dub. Ay, ay; business is business; and fine words, you know, butter no parsnips.

Ste. [Aside.] Butter no parsnips!-Why, he's sneering at my plainness; or, I have mistaken the person-or[Aloud.] I have the honour, I think, of addressing Lord Duberly?

Dub. To be sure you have; as sure as eggs is eggs.Come, take a chair, muster.-Mayhap you may choose a morsel of summut? [They sit.

Ste. Not anything; I—

Dub. Don't say no. A drop of wine, now; or a sneaker of punch; or

Ste. Nothing, my Lord. [Aside.] I am thunderstruck! Dub. Well, now, then, for this here bit o' business.

Ste. I have had some fears, my lord, that I might be too abrupt in the disclosure; but since this introduction

Dub. Oh, rot it! I never was for no long rigmaroles, not I! An honest man's meaning needs no flourishes.... Honesty is like a good piece of English roast beef, Muster Stedfast: it lacks little garnish, and the more plainer the more palatabler; that's my sentiment.

Ste. I admire your sentiment, my lord; [Aside.] but I