Pie follows goose, and after pie comes cheese"Stilton or Cheshire, Sir ?"-“ Ah! vat you please.”

And now our Frenchman, having ta'en his fill,

Prepares to go, when-" Sir, your little bill.”

66

Ah, vat you 're Bill! Vell, Mr. Bill, good day! "Bon jour, good Villiam."-" No, Sir, stay;

My name is Tom, Sir-you 've this bill to pay."
Pay, pay, ma foi!

"I call for noting, Sare-pardonnez-moi!

You bring me vat you call your goose, your cheese,
"You ask-a-me to eat; I tell you, Vat you please !”
Down came the master, each explain'd the case,
The one with cursing, t' other with grimace;
But Boniface, who dearly loved a jest,
(Although sometimes he dearly paid for it),
And finding nothing could be done, (you know,
That when a man has got no money,

To make him pay some would be rather funny),
Of a bad bargain made the best,

Acknowledged much was to be said for it;
Took pity on the Frenchman's meagre face,
And, Briton-like, forgave a fallen foe,
Laughed heartily, and let him go.

Our Frenchman's hunger thus subdued,
Away he trotted in a merry mood;
When, turning round the corner of a street,
Who but his countryman he chanced to meet!
To him, with many a shrug and many a grin,
He told him how he'd taken Jean Bull in!
Fired with the tale, the other licks his chops,
Makes his congee, and seeks this shop of shops.
Entering, he seats himself just at his ease,

What will you take, Sir ?”—“ Vat you please."

The waiter turned as pale as Paris plaster,

And, upstairs running, thus addressed his master:

66

These vile mounseers come over sure in pairs;

"Sir, there's another vat you please!' down stairs."

This made the landlord rather crusty,

Too much of one thing-the proverb's somewhat musty.

Once to be done, his anger didn't touch,

But when a second time they tried the treason,
It made him crusty, sir, and with good reason,
You would be crusty were you done so much.

There is a kind of instrument

Which greatly helps a serious argument,
And which, when properly applied, occasions
Some most unpleasant tickling sensations!

'T would make more clumsy folks than Frenchmen skip,
"T would strike you, presently—a stout horsewhip.
This instrument our Maitre d' Hôte

Most carefully concealed beneath his coat;
And seeking instantly the Frenchman's station,
Addressed him with the usual salutation.

Our Frenchman bowing to his threadbare knees,
Determined while the iron 's hot to strike it,
Pat with his lesson answers-" Vat you please!"
But scarcely had he let the sentence slip,
Than round his shoulders twines the pliant whip;
Sare, sare! ah, misericorde, parbleu !

"Oh dear, monsieur, vat make you use me so?
"Vat call dis?
you

66

'Oh don't you know?

"That's what I please," says Bonny, "how d' ye like it? "Your friend, although I paid dear for his funning, “Deserved the goose he gained, sir, for his cunning; "But you, monsieur, or else my time I'm wasting, "Are goose enough and only wanted basting."

ANON.

372

SCENES ARRANGED FROM
COMEDIES.

EVERY MAN IN HIS HUMOUR.

Enter MATTHEW, YOUNG KNO' WELL, J. BOBADIL.

Mat. Sir, did your eyes ever taste the like clown of him, where we were to-day, Mr. Wellbred's half-brother ? I think the whole earth cannot shew his parallel, by this day-light.

Y. Kno. We are now speaking of him. adil tells me, he is fallen foul o' you too.

Captain Bob

Mat. Oh, ay, sir; he threatened me with the bastinado. Bob. Ay, but I think I taught you prevention, this morning, for that. You shall kill him, beyond question, if you be so generously minded.

Mat. Indeed, it is a most excellent trick!

Bob. Oh, you do not give spirit enough to your motion; you are too tardy, too heavy! Oh, it must be done like lightning; hey! (He practises at a post.) Tut, 'tis nothing an't be not done in a-punto!

Y. Kno. Captain, did you ever prove yourself upon any of our masters of defence here?

Bob. I will tell you, sir. They have assaulted me some three, four, five, six of them together, as I have walked alone in divers skirts of the town, where I have driven them before me the whole length of a street, in the open view of all our gallants, pitying to hurt them, believe me. Yet all this lenity will not overcome their spleen; they will be doing with the pismire, raising a hill a man may spurn abroad with his foot, at pleasure. By myself I could have slain them all, but I delight not in murder.

I am

loth to bear any other than this bastinado for them: yet I hold it good policy not to go disarmed, for, though I be skilful, I may be oppressed with multitudes.

Y. Kno. Ay, believe me, may you, sir; and, in my conceit our whole nation should sustain the loss by it, if it

were so.

Bob. Alas, no!

Not seen.

What's a peculiar man to a nation?

Y. Kno. Oh, but your skill. sir!

Bob. Indeed, that might be some loss; but who respects it? I will tell you, sir, by the way of private, and under seal, I am a gentleman, and live here obscure, and to myself: but were I known to his majesty, and the lords, observe me, I would undertake, upon this poor head and life, for the public benefit of the state, not only to spare the entire lives of his subjects in general, but to save the one half, nay, three parts of his yearly charge in holding war, and against what enemy soever. And how would I

do it, think you?

Y. Kno. Nay, I know not, nor can I conceive.

Bob. Why, thus, sir. I would select nineteen more to myself; gentlemen they should be, of a good spirit, strong, and able constitution; I would choose them by an instinct, a character that I have; and I would teach these nineteen the special rules; as your Punto, your Reverso, your Stoccata, your Imbrocata, your Passada, your Montonto; till they could all play very near, or altogether, as well as myself. This done, say the enemy were forty thousand strong; we twenty would come into the field the tenth of March, or thereabouts; and we would challenge twenty of the enemy; they could not, in their honour, refuse us! Well, we would kill them; challenge twenty more, kill them; twenty more, kill them; twenty more, kill them too; and thus would we kill every man his twenty a day, That's twenty score; twenty score, that's two hundred; two hundred a-day, five days a thousand: forty thousand; forty times five, five times forty, two hundred days kills them all up by computation. And this I will venture my poor gentlemanlike carcass to perform, provided there be no treason practised upon us, by fair and discreet manhood, that is, civilly by the sword.

Y. Kno. Why, are you so sure of your hand, captain, at all times?

Bob. Tut, never miss thrust, upon my reputation with you.

Y. Kno. I would not stand in Downright's state then, an’ you meet him, for the wealth of any one street in London.

Bob. Why, sir, you mistake! If he were here now, by this welkin I would not draw my weapon on him! Let this gentleman do his mind: but I will bastinado him, by the bright sun, wherever I meet him.

Mat. Faith, and I'll have a fling at him, at my distance. Enter DOWNRIGHT walking behind.

Y. Kno. Egad! Look ye where he is; yonder he goes. Down. What peevish luck have I. I cannot meet with

those bragging rascals.

Bob. It's not he, is it?

Y. Kno. Yes, faith, it is he!

Mat. I'll be hanged, then, if that were he.

Y. Kno. I assure you that was he.

[Exit.

Bob. Had I thought it had been he, he must not have gone so; but I can hardly be induced to believe it was he yet.

Y. Kno. That I think, sir. But, see he is come again! Enter DOWNRIGHT.

Down. Oh, oh! have I found you? Come, draw; to your tools. Draw, gipsy, or I'll thrash you.

me

Bob. Gentleman of valour, I do believe in thee, hear

Down. Draw your weapon, then.

Bob. Tall man, I never thought on 't till now; body of me! I had a warrant of the peace served on me even now, as I came along, by a water-bearer, this gentleman saw it, Mr. Matthew.

DOWNRIGHT beats him, and disarms him. MATTHEW runs away.

Down. 'Sdeath, you will not draw, then?

Bob. Hold, hold, under thy favour, forbear.

Down. Prate again, as you like this, you fusty braggard. You'll control the point, you! Your consort is gone; had he staid he had shared with you, sir.

[Exit DOWNRIGHT.