Aphorisms. APHORISMS. The man who is not intelligible is not intelligent. You may depend upon this, as upon a rule which will never deceive you. A desire to say things which no one ever said, makes some people say things which no one ought to say. Great abilities and a fawning temper seldom meet together; and they who deserve favours are not made to beg favours. An absolute Prince never loves any but absolute scoundrels. The wise may learn from the ignorant; and an Ass once instructed a Prophet. There never was a party faction, sect or cabal whatsoever in which the most ignorant were not the most virulent for a bee is not a busier animal than a blockhead. However such instruments are necessary to politicians, and perhaps it may be with states as with clocks, which must have some dead weight hanging at them to help and regulate the motions of the finer and more useful parts. Flatterers are as mean and sordid, as they are mischievous and To endeavour to work upon odious. To them may be applied the vulgar with fine sense, is atthe Levitical Law; Every creep-tempting to hue blocks with a raing thing is unclean, and shall be an abomination. A King may make a man honorable, and right honourable; but he cannot make a man of honour. The works of Aristophanes shew him to have been a great poet, and a great rascal. To talk of compelling a man to be good is a contradiction; for where there is force there can be no choice. Habits, titles, and dignities are visible signs of invisible merits. zor. Fine sense, and exalted sense, are not half so useful as common sense. There are forty men o wit for one man of sense: and he that will carry nothing about him but gold, will every day be at a loss for readier change. Learning is like mercury, one of the most powerful and useful things in the world in skilful hands; in unskilful the most mischievous. Modesty, if it were to be recomThere is no great harm in flat-mended for nothing else, this were tering dedications; because they always expose the writer, and never impose upon the reader. Beasts that are surly and malicious love solitude. It were to be wished that men who resemble them in temper had the same inclination for retirement. The man who is seventy years old, and preferment, desires to put on fine clothes when he is going to bed. D enough, that the pretending to little leaves a man at ease, whereas boasting requires a perpetual labour to appear what he is not. If we have sense, modesty but proves it to others; if we have none, it but hides our want of it. For as blushing will sometimes make a harlot pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool scem a man of sense. Monthly Register-Swindling-Troon Harbour. Monthly Register. SWINDLING. Kilmarnock, May 15th, 1819.-Doctor Robert Donaldson Jackson, who was for sometime past practising as a Physician and Surgeon here, was brought before the Magistrates, on the charge of swindling, at the instance of the Procurator Fiscal. It appeared that, after having obtained a considerable sum of money on false pretences from various gentlemen, he had absconded on the Saturday evening preceding, taking with him his most valuable effects. Unfavourable winds having obliged the master of the vessel, on board of which was the Doctor, to take shelter in Arran, he was apprehended in Lamlash on the following Tuesday.-After making a surrender of his whole property to his creditors, he was banished for life, from the town and liberties of Kilmarnock, and it is understood, has gone to Ireland. TROON HARBOUR. Some years The harbour of Troon, is at last completed. ago the estate was purchased from Colonel Fullarton, by his Grace the Duke of Portland, at which time the coast was particularly dangerous, especially to vessels from Ireland, and it was chiefly employed as a retreat for smugglers. His Grace the Duke has expended above £200,000 in building a most convenient harbour, which from the depth of water even at ebb, will admit vessels of very considerable size. He has also expended a great sum in making an iron way from the harbour to Kilmarnock, in the neighbourhood of which he has a number of Coal mines. RELICS OF TAM O'SHANTER. An elegant Arm Chair formed from the "rafters" which dirled to the pipes of Auld Nick in Alloway Kirk, was lately presented to the Earl of Eglinton, by a gentleman in Ayr. The chair is of the Gothic form, handsomely ornamented with the Scottish Thistle, Plough, Harrow, &c. and the whole poem of "Tam o' Shanter," engraven on brass, is indented into the wood. MONUMENT TO ROBERT BURNS. A meeting was held on Saturday the 24th April, at the FreeMason's Tavern, London, the Duke of Athol in the chair, for the purpose of entering into a subscription for the erection of a monument to the memory of Robert Burns. The chairman having shortly stated his hearty concurrence in the object of the meeting, Forbes Mitchell, Esq. read a printed document, which stated that a subscription had been entered into some years ago by some gentlemen at Bombay for the purpose above mentioned, and that a Committee had Consanguinity-The Velocimanipede-Velocipedes—Singular Discovery. on application to the Lord Provost and Magistrates of Edinburgh, obtained the grant of a piece of ground for the purpose, eligibly situated, on the side of the Calton-hill, and near the splendid new approach to the city. Considerable sums of money have been already collected. Several resolutions were put and carried, the substance of which was, that Committees were to be appointed in different parts of the United Kingdom, in the Colonies, and other dependencies of the realm, for the purpose of raising Subscriptions. That a meeting for the same purpose as the present was to be held in London on the 5th June. CONSANGUINITY. At a meeting of relations, which took place lately at Roslin, there were present, all related to one mother, in the following degrees :4 husbands, 4 wives, 5 brothers, 3 sisters, 5 uncles, 3 aunts, 3 fathers, 3 mothers, 2 grandfathers, 4 brothers-in-law, 4 sisters-in-law, 4 cousins, 5 nieces, 3 nephews, 2 fathers-in-law, 2 mothers-in-law, 2 daughters-in-law, 2 sons in-law, 1 grandson, one grand-daughter, 3 sons, 3 daughters, and in all ten persons.➖➖➖ -I can vouch for the truth of this statement. A. M.-26th May, 1819. THE VELOCIMANIPEDE. Mr. Birch the Coach-maker, has constructed a vehicle called the Velocimanipede, or Phaeton in Miniature, calculated to carry three persons; the centre, or body of the carriage, is supposed to be for a female; the front is for a gentleman to sit on a narrow saddle to guide it. At the back is a small Dicky to work the hind wheels by machinery. It goes over a distance of ground of one mile in three minutes, and can be kept up with ease at eight miles an hour. weighs 100 lbs. VELOCIPEDES. It only Velocipedes are now exhibiting in various towns in Great Britain; but it seems universally agreed, in the language of the Irishman, 'that if it were not for the name of riding, it would be much less fatiguing to walk.’ SINGULAR DISCOVERY. A few weeks ago, while a labourer was digging peats in the moss at La Mancha, parish of Newlands, once the seat of the Earl of Dundonald, his spade struck against something hard, which upon digging was found to be the body of a man, and identified by some old people in the neighbourhood to be the body of a coachunan of the late Earl of Dundonald, grandfather to the present Lord Cochrane, who about 74 years ago committed suicide, by cutting his throat, and was buried in this spot in a sack. The straw ropes which had fastened the sack was nearly all consumed. The clothes on the body, stockings and garters, were almost entire, and the colour of the vest and breeches (red velvet) little decayed. The razor, also, with which Births-Marriage-Deaths. he had taken away his life was found at his side. The body itself was in a state of preservation, that it could be lifted entire, and carried away for interment; but the neighbours stripped it of most part of the clothes, each curious to secure a remembrance of the extraordinary fact. THE REGALIA OF SCOTLAND. The Crown Room of Edinburgh Castle was opened a few days ago for the purpose of exhibiting the Regalia of Scotland to the public, and has with that view been fitted up with a splendour and elegance becoming the repository of the very valuable and interesting jewels it contains. BIRTHS. May 12th, Mrs. John Steele, Lanark, was safely delivered of three fine boys, who with their mother are likely to do well. 14th, At Ruchill, the Lady of H. Maclean, Jun. Esq. of Cole, of a daughter. 27th, At Broomhill, Mrs. Bruce of a daughter. A few days since, a Farmer's wife at Ballydine was delivered of five female children, three of whom are living.—Clonmell Herald. MARRIAGE. May 24th, at Newton, Mr. John Connel, Shipbuilder at Troon, to Miss Mary Cuthbert, daughter of the late Capt. Wm. Cuthbert, Newton. DEATHS May 6th, At Kilbarchan, aged 78, Mrs. How, relict of the late Mr. John How, merchant. 7th, At Ayr, aged 76, Mrs. Simson, nearly 50 years table hostess of the Black Bull Inn. the respec 8th, At Leith, in the 86th year of his age, Mr. William Coke, Bookseller, who carried on business within the same premises for the long period of 55 years, and was the father of the bookselling profession in Scotland. 9th, At Kirkcudbright, Dr. John Walker. 14th, At the Breamielaw, Mr. William Shaw, Merchant, aged 87. At Glasgow, Mr. John Sinclair, Reed-maker in the 60th year of his age. At Anderston, in the 74th year of her age, Mrs. Jean Slavert, widow of the late Rev. Thomas Bell, Minister of the Relief Congregation, Doveh.il. 19th, At Bellfield, near Kilmarnock, James Fairlie, Esq. of Bell field. 24th, At Wellington Square, Ayr, Miss Kennedy of Drumellan. 26th, At Glasgow, aged nine, James, eldest son of Mr. William Lochore, Cordiner. At Ochiltree, on Saturday the 22d, Mrs. Jane Lees, spouse of the late Mr. George Colville, aged 81. Poetry The Murderit Minstrel. Poetry. The following poem appeared some years ago in the Montrose Review-it has since been copied into one or two Newspapers-but as it is unknown in this part of the country, we make no apology for introducing it into our pages. We do not offer any comment on its merits elegance, perspicuity, and truly poetical simplicity are its characteristics. A slight alteration has been made in its orthography, to make it accord more with the ancient ballad, of which it seems a beautiful imitation. ED. THE MURDERIT MINSTREL. BE ANE UNKNAWN MAKAR. How sweitlie schone the morning-sun, Micht wyle the pilgrim aff his rode. An the dimples o luve playit round her sweet mou: Hir hap was to be this ladye's May! Ae morning a minstrel, aigit an puir, Cam harpand till this haw-house door : His heart kythit licht, tho his hewit was bair, An spairlie cuirit wi thin quhyt hair: Sae sweit an blythesum was his lay, |