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« • Look a little more narrowly,' said “ I was getting insensibly pleased with my my conductor.
friend's manner! !” " I put on my spectacles, and obser
O Lord! pleased with the manner of ving the man a little more diligently, this fetid Fool! and only think “as above his forehead I could mark a thou. Virgil speaks ;" Virgil, the
most elegant sand little twinkling shadows dancing the spirit of antiquity, alluded to by a horn-pipe, little hornlets, and rudiments Cockney! But, what brutal stupidity of horn, of a soft and pappy consistence
in the whole conception of the con(for I handled some of them,) but which, like coral out of water, my guide infor. cern! and this too from the Essayist
on the genius of Hogarth! Impossible. med me would infallibly stiffen and grow rigid within a week or two from the ex
Rail-WAYS. Very well, let us take piration of his bachelorhood.
a drive. Softly-softly—this article “ Then I saw some horns strangely must be by the Stot. 0! my prophetic growing out behind, and my interpreter soul, it is even so. For we are told, explained these to be married men, whose
“ vide the Scotsman Newspaper,” &c. wives had conducted themselves with in. Now, I will be hanged if I do, " vide" finite propriety since the period of their any such vulgar idiot. But you, Mulmarriage, but were thought to bave an lion may“ vide" if you choose, page 33. tedated their good men's titles, by cer « On a well-made road a horse will tain liberties they had indulged them
draw one ton, in a cart weighing about selves in, prior to the ceremony. This 7 cwt., or about 3000lb., at a rate of two kind of gentry wore their horns back. miles an hour. On a rail-way of the best wards, as has been said, in the fashion of
construction he will draw, at the same the old pig-tails ; and as there was no rate of travelling, about 15 tons; let us thing obtrusive or ostentatious in them, call this 30,0001b., for the convenience of nobody took any notice of it.”
baving round numbers ; and on a canal I once more beg you, my good-feel- he will draw about 30 tons in a boat ing friend, Mr Taylor of Fleet-street, weighing 19 tons, or about 90,0001b. publisher of so many books of practi- Hence, on a rail-way, the draught of a cal Piety, to peruse the above! Do horse is ten times, and on a canal thirty you think it fit for your young female times
, as great as on a well-made road. subscribers, sir? Is such loathsome
Now, a rail-way costs about three times,
and a canal about nine times, as much as ribaldry a pretty Christmas-box, or
a good road; and it is probable that the New-year's gift, for your town and country friends, think ye? is the pic- proportion to the original outlay. It is
expense of keeping them in repair is in ture of a cuckold a becoming frontis- obvious, therefore, if rail-ways should piece to the New Series ? Now, you come into general use, that the expense are shocked with that word. But what of transporting commodities will be about is a plain, and ugly dissyllable, in two-thirds less than on the best roads. comparison with this laboured and
“ With respect to the advantages of a clumsy strain of grossness and inde- rail-way over a canal, which is the quescency? I do not believe the real Elia
tion bere principally at issue, we may obwrote this. It is liker the drunken
serve, in the first place, that if a horse drivelling of the “ celebrated critic.” power effect three times as much on a But be it whose it may, it would dis- canal as on a rail-way, the original cost gust St Giles--as would the following and subsequent repairs of a canal are brutality sicken Bartholomew's Hos- about three times as great; consequentpital.
ly, a canal will require about the same “ Some had great corneous stumps,
rates or dues to repay the proprietors as seemingly torn off and bleeding. These,
& rail-way. It must next be observed, the interpreter warned me, were hus
that this comparison relates entirely to bands who had retaliated upon their the transporting of goods at two miles an wives, and the badge was in equity di. hour. Now it is easy to shew, that so vided amongst them."
long as borse power is employed on ca
nals, and they are not sufficiently deep The Vision concludes thus, and broad to admit the application of
“ He was going on at this rate, and I steam, this rate of transporting goods was getting insensibly pleased with my cannot be increased without an increase friend's manner, (I had been a little shy of freight, which would entirely destroy of him at first,) when the dream suddenly their superiority over roads. We have left me, vanishing—as Virgil speaks seen that a horse will draw about through the gate of Horn.
90,000lb. at the rate of two miles an
hour. If we increase the velocity of the accession of new strength. Number boat the resistance will also be increased, One gives the lie to his own proprietor and with amazing rapidity. The resist with the most unblushing effrontery; ance of a fluid increases as the square of the for does he not declare that a few jaded velocity Since 90,000lb., therefore, is asses have merely been displaced by drawn at the rate of two miles an hour an equal number of fresh cuddies ? by one horse;
For our own parts, we pity the poor At 4 miles an hour it would require 4 Lion's Head, as he used to call him. horses.
self; for his braying brethren have 6
discovered the deceit—the hide-royal 8
has been with some difficulty drawn 12
off, it having become entangled about Or, At 4 miles an hour, the draught of 1
his ears; and the disconsolate donkey
has been turned out to thistle in the horse will be about 22,0001).
But I must conclude somewhat hastily, my dear Mullion, for my ne
phew has just called, and we are goInformation such as this, could not ing to cross the hills to Altrive. But have been communicated to the public, be sure to get North to expose this without a new series-half-a-crown a dishonest humbug of a New Series. Number was too low a price! and Don't let him attempt to read any the balaam-box would otherwise have of it, in his present uncertain state of burst. Towards the conclusion of this health. But let him merely see itaffair, I see a most elegant compliment open it before him-let him hear the to America. What wide knowledge heavy rustling of the fat greasy leaves, of the New world is here exhibited! and then let it drop, with a squelch
“ RAIL-ROADS HAVE ALREADY EX upon the floor, and the old boy will CITED THE STRONGEST FEELINGS OF kriow its whole character without more INTEREST IN AMERICA, THAT THEA ado. It will thus speak for itself. TRE, WHERE EVERY FACULTY OF HU. Meanwhile, having determined not to MAN NATURE, AND EVERY DISCOVERY suffer such an imposition, I have writIN ART AND SCIENCE, IS DEVELOPED ten a letter to the Opium-Eater, andanWITH SUCH MIRACULOUS ENERGY!” other to poor dear good Charles Lamb, Bah! Bah! Bah!
demanding an explanation. I have Why, Mullion, has not the above also sent off a few lines to “ Honest stuffabout rail-roads previously appear Allan," in case the Opium-Eater be ed in all the newspapers in the king, dead. Indeed, I begin to fear that dom? And in newspapers only should all three are defunct; and yet if it be such stuff appear. Now, would you so, it is certainly rather odd that I believe it, after my lucid analysis of should not have heard of it. But you this ninny Number, of which Namby would be surprised to know how slow Pamby, Esq. must be the editor, that news travel hitherwards. Yesterday it is puffed like a soap-bubble, in the I had a visit from a man, who appear airy columns of the Morning Chron.? ed with his wife and two children, but The advertising scribe therein says, who was assuredly a bachelor last that the New Series " has a more Spring, and whose marriage I have worldly character" than the Old Lon- not, up to this blessed hour, heard of don; and the publishers have also paid through any other channel. Mrs T. for an advertisement in the New sends her love, and I am, my dear Times, declaring that there is an entire Mullion, yours affectionately, change in the Editorship, and a vast
THE LITERARY SOUVENIR.* This is a volume that Christopher let them pass,) do you wish to give himself ought to have reviewed—its a small earnest graceful gift to some beauty and accomplishments would dearly-beloved one, then thank us have softened the natural and acquired for the happy hint, and with a kiss, acerbity of his disposition, and tin or, if that be not yet permissible, at ged his intellectual countenance with least with a smile of severest suavity, a fine glow of moral sentiment. We almost equal to one of the Basia of think, even now, that we see the snell Joannes Secundus, lay the Literary elderly gentleman taking somewhat Souvenir upon her tender lap, with a superciliously the Literary Souvenir very few words, which it would be into his long sinewy chalk-stoned fin- impertinent in us to particularize ; gers (Nortli's hand is quite Miltonic), only be sure "you breathe them not those fingers that have been the death far from her delicate auricle ;" and of many an able-bodied quarto, and with a low, a deep, and pleading tone, whose lightest touch sends a trem- like the knight who won the bright bling twelvemo to Tartarus-wethink, and beauteous Genevieve. It is a hun. I say, even now, that we see Him dred to one that you are a married clutching a copy of the Souvenir, as if ' man in six weeks or two months; nay, about to pronounce not only sentence if it be a “ large paper copy,” one flesh of death, but also to carry it into im- will ye be before the new moon. mediate effect, without hope of par What pleasant Pagan was it that, don, respite, or commutation,—when, thousands of years agone, said, that lo and behold! his rigorous and vigo “ gifts were powerful over affection?" rous physiognomy relaxes and expands It is hard to know when a young Chris into a smile, “ celestial rosy red, Jove's tian gentleman is fairly' entitled to proper hue,"— his eyes beam with phi- give something more than words, looks, lanthropic fire, as if he were a very sighs, to a young Christian lady. We benevolent Howard,-his very nose believe that nothing like a general rule curls with kindness-a peculiar and could be laid down, safe to be acted appropriate expression belonging to upon ; but, provided nothing exceedeach nostril,—to the right friendship, ingly unfortunate had occurred, sureto the left (that nearest the heart,) ly, surely, about the beginning of a love ; his small, thin, gentlemanly new year, the austerest moralist would ears, so antithetical to those long crisp allow a touch--be it almost accidentconcerns upon a Cockney, seem just to alma pressure of the hand as unacstir that one beautiful lock of silver countably as unintentionally meeting that comes waving over his lofty tem- the hand-a---a kiss. Well, well, ples, there is in his short sharp shrill if that sweet name startle, call it a Licough something singularly hearty, terary Souvenir-for, by any other approbative, and urbane-and as he name, it will taste as sweet-yes, our changes his seat upon that venerable fair subscribers, let it be a Literary chair, whose bright brass studs, un Souvenir bound in the whitest, pudimmed by years, shine like stars rest, most unstained lamb, whose frascattered over a black leathern firma- grance is felt over the whole library, ment,—the good old man shews the and preserves the immortal spirit satisfaction of his soul by the whamlet breathing there from trouble and de of his body; and it is plain to the cay, whole world that the book in band is It is so long since we have written worth two in the bush, and destined an article, that we have entirely forfor a third edition. What a picture ! gotten how to begin-and instead of
Gentle reader! and all readers of driving away tooth and nail, accordour Maga are gentle as the sweet ing to the sensible rules laid down in South, that breathes upon a bank of that useful work “ The Contributor," violets, giving and stealing odours, here have we been sitting at our oval (these are not the ipsissima verba, but table, about the size of a shield, for up
• The Literary Souvenir; or, Cabinet of Poetry and Romance. Edited by Alaric A. Watts. Hurst, Robinson, and Co. London ; and Constable, Edinburgh. 1824.
+ See Dr Jamieson.
wards of two hours, and yet there does without expense, which, as we said
benot appear to be a page of Pica. But who fore, is to us a matter of no moment, the deuce cares? Not I. You know but also without trouble, which is a well that our sole motive in committing matter of the greatest moment to every to paper one single syllable, is our own enlightened and virtuous epicurean. delight, or, if you choose to add, the The petty and paltry details of housedelight of the world at large. We love keeping are mortal to Mind and its Proto linger over an article for hours, ductions, and above all, the single article days, weeks, months—if we did not of coals. The eternal laying-in of coals, abhor all exaggeration, we would say and discharging of those mean printed years, lustres, centuries. On one article coal-accounts, is fatal to the contribuyet unfinished, we were occasionally tor. But, on the other hand, there is employed, so at least it seemed to us, nothing too much to be expected from and every man is the best, indeed the periodical author, whose domestic only judge of his own feelings, for arrangements are all carried into effect, many centuries. We distinctly re as if by the agency of unseen and fairy member sketching a plan of it before hands,—who sits at a table that abso the flood, and we appeal for the truth lutely produces the viands that adorn of this to Mr Montgomery and Mr it-who lies down to sleep in a bed for Cornwall. Indeed, a sight of the ma ever made and unmade in kaleidos nuscript would convert the most bi- copic change of form, but by what gotted" unbeliever. Such characters! chambermaid no tongue can tell ; Above all, what prodigious double-w's, who wears breeches shaped by a “Great formidable ells, and furious-looking Unknown" Tailor, whose bill is disZ's. Several of the latter would make charged in the clouds ;-who walks in Leigh Hunt give up the ghost in his shoes glittering to the total eclipse of yellow breeches. But we shall leave Day and Martin, “dark with excessive instructions in our will to our great- bright,” yet shoe-black seeth never, grandson how to finish off this article and who, familiar as he is with the afwith effect for the first Number of our fairs of empires, never to his knowledge New Series.
saw the face of a tax-gatherer, and will One delightful feeling accompanies probably go to his grave ignorant of us now in all that we write for our dear- the inspector of window-lights. ly beloved Maga, that is, the feeling not There now-that was one of the only of the most devoted, but of the narrowest escapes ever book had in the most disinterested attachment. It is a world. My dear Watts, you must know subject of just wonder and astonish that our ink-holder is a dolphin, be ment to us, how we could ever have sub- strid by a Cupid, who has unfished mitted to any other remuneration for our Amphion. Into the jaws of this dolarticles, incomparable as most of them phin, ever and anon plunges the pen
of undoubtedly were, than the delight the present writer ; and two minutes of being delightful. What was thirty ago, just as I was about to begin a new guineas a-sheet to us ? No more than paragraph, by an unlucky Hourish, I so much waste paper. As a proof of upset the heir-apparent to the French this, we have at this moment (if indeed throne, who forthwith vomited forth the rats have not eaten them) a great his whole chapter of contents over the many (we forget how many, but cer board of green cloth. There were the tainly near a score) of our worthy Pub- two copies (large and small-paper) of lisher's cheques on his banker, the least the Literary Souvenir within a hair'sof which would pay an ordinary family's breadth of the inundation.—Wedurst annual butcher's bill, lying in an old not draw our breath in that tribulation. crazy escritoire, near the slates, with. We saw in the stream of ink, “the torout a lock, which was twisted off by rent's smoothness ere it dash below;" one of the children. An accidental or we feared to stretch out a saving hand, designed dozen of Madeira—an occa lest the motion should bring down the sional five-gallon cask of Jamaica-an inky avalanche. All is safe, not a single East-Indian hump, once a-week a goose spot-and we go on to write from the or turkey, and now and then a few main current of the stream on the tahares, are all that we now accept from ble; for the intrusion of a servant with either North or Ebony; these, indeed, a cloth is odious, and to wipe up ink we accept willingly-and thus our lar, with paper, is a hell upon earth. der and our cellar are as superbly fur Few or none of our good poets are nished as any in Edinburgh, not only now publishing. This is, therefore,
just the very precise nick of time for no more clumsy battalion-men be adsuch a publication as the Literary mitted into the corps d'elites-and, Souvenir. First-rate poems of large above all, that be his bulk or bearing dimensions, like Kehama, Madoc, Lady what it will, there shall be no drafts of the Lake, Marmion, and above all, made directly from the awkward squad. the Excursion, “wallowing unwieldy Of course, all Cockneys are excluded, enormous in its gait,” are not coming unless indeed there should seem need out upon the public like absolute pe- for a brace of trumpets, in which case riodicals, as in years past. Some of Leigh Hunt, whose powers of puffing our best poets are dead-all are dumb. are known, might be admitted, chiefly Now, we are sorry for this, upon the on account of the reviews, and any whole, and wish to have some poetry other chicken-breasted Ludgate lad, Does a day ever pass over a poet's who might also perhaps, if required, head, in which he does not see visions operate upon the serpent or trombone. and dream dreams? Perhaps he is in Let us change the image, metaphor, disposed to sit down to a great immor or figure of speech, (all of which, by tal work-but is in a fit key for a song the way, have ever seemed to us one hymn, ballad, elegy, epigram, epitha and the same thing, in rerum natura,) lamium, or, as our late friend Pirie and return to the ordinary language would have said, Epicedium. Off then of human life. with a charming little piece, glowing The excellent editor is well known from the mint of Nature. A separate in the world of letters, and possesses volume is a serious business. But no ordinary share of poetical genius. send the first-rate trifle to Ebony, or He is prodigiously iinproved within the New Monthly, (as you have a these few years, both in power and soul to be saved, beware the London, expression, and some of his best or you will be led into a New Series of pieces are extremely beautiful. Mr mean misfortunes,) or much rather to Watts writes with much elegance and the next year's Literary Souvenir. simplicity, and we like his composie The truth is, that there is by“ much tions for their entire freedom from too little" brotherhood among our that spirit of exaggeration, and that bards. They are either too jealous or simulated passionateness, so rife in too selfish. Each bard is too broadly Cockneydom. He writes sincerely; on his own bottom-too much the and his sincerity has been felt; for cock of his own walk. How beauti we scarcely remember any instance ful it would be to see them all playing of so unostentatious a writer as he is, into each other's hands! Hours of and, without any boast of originality, Leisure need not be hours of Idleness; acquiring so much popular favour in and then what pretty tall fellows so short a time. Some of the very would they all look, dressed rank and best pieces in the Souvenir are from file, in the light-infantry company of his own pen-and it gives us pleasure Fugitive Poetry!
to quote the following very touching Now, all that is necessary is, that and pathetic stanzas :
THE DEATH OF THE FIRST-BORN.
By Alaric 4. Watts.
Fare thee well, thou first and fairest !
My sweet one, my sweet one, the tears were in my eyes