Enter Mrs. FORD and Mrs. PAGE. Mrs. Ford. Sir John ? art thou there, my deer? my male deer? Fal. My doe with the black scut?-Let the sky rain potatoes; 7 let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves ; hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here. [Embracing her. Mrs.Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweet heart. Fal. Divide me like a bribe-buck, each a haunch: I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath to your husbands. Am I a woodman ? ha! Speak I like Herne the hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome! [Noise within. Mrs. Page. Alas! what noise ? Mrs. Ford. Heaven forgive our sins! Mrs.Ford. Mrs.Page. Away, away. (They run off. Fal. I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire: he would never else cross me thus. Enter Sir HuGH EVANS, like a satyr; Mrs. QUICKLY, and PISTOL; ANNE PAGE, as the Fairy Queen, attended by her Brother and others, dressed like Fairies, with waxen tapers on their heads. Quic. Fairies, black, gray, green, and white, Pist. Elves, list your names;-silence, you airy toys.- Fal. They are fairies : he, that speaks to them, shall die: I'll wink and couch: No man their works must eye. [Lies down upon his face. Eva. Where's Pede ?-Go you, and where you find a That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said, [maid, [7] Potatoes, when they were first introduced into England, were supposed to be strong provocatives. [8] The bilberry is the whortleberry. STEEV Raise up the organs of her fantasy; Sleep she as sound as careless infancy; But those as sleep, and think not on their sins, Quic. About, about; Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out: Eva. Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in order And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be, To guide our measure round about the tree. But, stay; I smell a man of middle earth.1 [set: Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welch fairy! lest he transform me to a piece of cheese! Pist. Vile worm, thou wasto'er-look'd even in thy birth. If he be chaste, the flame will back descend, [8] It was an article of our ancient luxury, to rub tables, &c. with aromatic herbs. Pliny informs us, that the Romans did the same, to drive away evil spirits. STEEVENS. [9] Charactery-For the matter with which they make letters. JOHNS. Bullokar, in his "English Expositor improved by R. Browne," says that charactery is "a writing by characters in strange marks." In 1588 was printed- Charactery, an arte of shorte, swift, and secrete writing, by char. acter. Invented by Timothie Brighte, doctor of Phisike." This seems to have been the first book upon short-hand writing printed in England. DOUCE. [1] Spirits are supposed to inhabit the ethereal regions, and fairies to dwell under ground; men are therefore in a middle station. JOHNSON. It is the flesh of a corrupted heart. Eva. Come, will this wood take fire. Fal. Oh, oh, oh ! Quic. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire ! About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme: And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time. Eva. It is right; indeed, he is full of lecheries and iniquity. SONG. Fie on sinful phantasy ! Fie on lust and luxury ! Lust is but a bloody fire, As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. Pinch him for his villainy; Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about, During this song, the Fairies pinch FALSTAFF. Dr. Enter PAGE, FORD, Mrs. PAGE, and Mrs. FORD. Pa. Nay, do not fly: I think, we have watch'd you now: Mrs.Pa. I pray you, come; hold up the jest no higher : -Now, good sir John, how like you Windsor wives? -See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes Become the forest better than the town? Ford. Now, sir, who's a cuckold now ? - Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money; which must be paid to master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, master Brook. Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer. Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass. Ford. Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant. Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought, they were not fairies; and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despight of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now, how wit may be made a jack-a-lent, when 'tis upon ill employment! Eva. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh. Eva. And leave your jealousies too, I pray you. Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good English. Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welch goat too? Shall I have a coxcomb of frize ?? 'tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese. Eva. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter. Fal. Seese and putter! have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking, through the realm. Mrs. Pa. Why, sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts, by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight? Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax? Mrs. Page. A puffed man? Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails? Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan? Page. And as poor as Job? Ford. And as wicked as his wife ? 3 Eva. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles, and prabbles? Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welch flannel: 3 ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use ime as you will. [2] i e. A fool's cap made of Welch materials. Wales was famous for this cloth. STE. [3] Flannel was originally the manufacture of Wales. STEE. Ford. Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting affliction. Mrs. Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make amends : Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends. Ford. Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last. Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: Tell her, master Slender hath married her daughter.4 Mrs. Page. Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my [Aside daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife. Enter SLENDER. Slen. Whoo, ho! ho! father Page! Page. Son! how now? how now, son? have you despatched? Slen. Despatched ! - I'll maks the best in Gloucestershire know on't; would I were hanged, la, else. Page. Of what, son? Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry mistress Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy: If it had not been i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir, and 'tis a post-master's boy. Page. Upon my life, then, you took the wrong. Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl: If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had him. Page. Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you, how you should know my daughter by her garments? Slen. I went to her in white, and cry'd mum, and she cry'd budget, as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a post-master's boy. Eva. Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but marry boys? Page. O, I am vexed at heart: What shall I do? Mrs. Page. Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married. [4] The two plots are excellently connected, and the transition very artfully made in this speech. JOHNSON. |