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Strictures on the Incorrectness of Newspapers.
manded by a Ram, as if they had been a parcel of sheep; and when it was expected the two armies were coming to Action, you said they were coming to Acton; and as there was a considerable fall of stocks about that time, I have reason to think it was owing to the above report, or to one equally alarming.
One day you told us, that some English lord (whose name I forget) was arrived at Naples with his Tabor. Travelling with a tabor seemed to be an odd kind of a conceit; but his lordship (apparemment) was fond of music, though the tabor and pipe seemed to be more adapted to a lugg'd bear than a lord on his travels; thus we reasoned till the erratum of next day desired us" for Tabor to read Tutor."
I have known you turn a matter of hearsay into a matter of heresy; Damon into Demon; a delicious girl into a delirious girl; the comic Muse into a comic Mouse; a Jewish Rabbie into a Jewish Rabbit; and when a correspondent lamenting the corruption of the times, exclaimed, O Mores! you made him cry out 0 Moses!
You should consider, Gentlemen, that there is a material difference between acting with the utmost lenity and levity; between factious and facetious; fellow and felon; imprudent and impudent; resolution and revolution; words and works; soaring and roaring; a tube and a tub; all of which words, I have observed, you at times use indiscriminately. I know you will say that people ought to consider the constant hurry which attends the publication of a Paper; that Public Papers are in so great request, and people are so eager to get them," with all their imperfections on their head," that you really have not time to be more correct. Ah Gentlemen, it would be well for mankind if reformation, like charity, were to begin at Home; and that people would mend themselves, instead of bestowing so much fruitless and thankless pains in admonishing their neighbours, You Gentlemen, have bestowed much time, and labour, and oil-floods of ink, and reams of paper, in advising ministers of state, and correcting the measures of government; and after all, daresay you yourselves will allow that they are, at this moment, not one bit better or wiser than when you first undertook to mend them.
Therefore take an old man's advice, Gentlemen, which perhaps may be of some service. Leave for a while the care of the state to those that are paid for it; Look at home: begin a reformation there, and correct yourselves for the example of oth-.
Simplicity-A Good Advice.—Mirror of Flattery-A Wise Man-Vice.
A thing of shreds and patches. Hamlet.
Simplicity. Simplicity in all things is the distinctive mark of what is conformable to nature; it is the dress of sentiment, the costume of virtue, the reasoning of wit, the stamp of genius, the type of a superior mind, and the characteristic of a beautiful work.
A good advice. When upon mature deliberation you are persuaded a thing is fit to be done, do it boldly, and do not affect privacy in it, nor concern yourself at all, what impertinent censures the world may pass upon it; for if the thing be not just and innocent, it ought not to be attempted at all; and if it be, you do foolishly to stand in fear of those, who will themselves do ill in censuring and condemning what you do well.
Mirror of Flattery.-Men in general love to view themselves in the deceitful mirror of flattery, which presents them with perfections they do not possess; and they dread that which would reflect them more faithfully. This is the reason why there are so few know what they really are, and so many who fear to know it; if it were not so, they could not be so deceived, either by censure or praise, because they would never apply to themselves more of either than they really merited.
A Wise Man.-A wise man will desire no more than he can get justly, use soberly, distribute cheerfully, and live contentedly with. He that is in such a condition as places him above contempt, and below envy, cannot by an enlargement of his fortune be made really more rich, or more happy than he is.
Vice. He that is vicious in his practice is diseased in his mind. The gratifications of vice are turbulent and unnatural, generally arising from the relief of passions intolerable, and issuing in tormenting reflections; often irritated by disappointment,
always inflamed by enjoyment, and yet ever cloyed by repentance. Vice is abominable when it preaches up virtue. Vices are learned without a master, and lives always displeased. Vicious men overvalue vanity, and undervalue vexation.
Virtue. It was observed by Aristotle, that virtue is necessary to the young, to the aged comfortable, to the poor serviceable, to the rich an ornament; to the fortunate an honour, to the unfortunate a support: that she ennobles the slave, and exalts nobility itself. Virtue and happiness are but two names for the same thing; she merits veneration wherever she appears-she carrieth a reward with her, and so doth vice with a vengeance.
Salt. The following is an extract from the history of the Tartars.-Taunack, the first son of Turk, who was the first son of Japhis (Japhet) who was the youngest and third son of Nui (Noah), was author of many fine inventions. It happened one day that Taunack having gone a hunting and killed much game, ordered a piece to be roasted; but when he was just going to eat some of it, he by chance let a bit drop upon the ground; and having taken it up, and put it to his mouth, he found it delicious, by reason a grain of salt had stuck to it; which having given him to understand that this land (near the rivers Atell and Jaigick, or Wolga,) was impregnated with salt; he set himself to improve this discovery, and became the first inventor of the use of salt; no one before him having known what salt was, or that it could season victuals.
A Witch.-Lord Mansfield being in one of the counties on the circuit, a poor woman was indicted for Witchraft. The inhabitants of the place were exasperated against her. witnesses deponed that they had seen her walk in the air with her feet upwards and her head downwards. Lord Mansfield heard the evidence with great tranquillity, and perceiving the temper of the people, whom it would not have been prudent to irritate, he thus addressed them :-" I do not doubt that this woman has walked in the air with her feet upwards, since you have all seen it; but she has the honour to be born in England, as well as you and I, and consequently cannot be tried but by the laws of the country, nor punished but in proportion as she hath violated them. Now I know not one law that forbids
Attempt to convert the Pope-Singular Bill.
walking in the air with the feet upwards-we all have a right to do it with impunity. I see no reason, therefore, for this cution, and this poor woman may return home when she pleases." This speech had it its proper effect; it appeased the auditory, and the woman retired from the court without molestation.
Attempt to convert the Pope.-John Perrot, a fanatical Quaker, travelled to Rome about the year 1655, for the purpose of attempting to convert the Pope. His project, however, was rendered abortive by the Holy inquisition; but after many examinations, considering him a madman, he was released; and after his return home, published a book entitled "Battering Rams against Rome."
Singular Bill.-The following copy of a singular Bill was taken by a gentleman at Hamburgh, and presented by him to a traveller when at Rome.
The Elders of the High Church of
To GABRIEL SCHMIEDEMANN,
Glazier, Carver, and Painter, at Hamburgh.
To mending the Ten Commandments,
To a Nose and three Fingers of one of the Robbers on the Cross,
To scouring and brushing Pontius Pilate, and contriving a Cap out of his Pelisse,
To gilding and painting the wings of the Angel Gabriel,
To half a breast for Mary Magdalene,
To clearing the Sky in the East, and adding sundry
To cleaning and painting the High Priest's Maid,
To putting a new Feather on the Cock of St. Peter,
Received the contents in full,
Pious Zeal.-How to get quit of Rats-An Eruption-Medical Jurisprudence.
Prous Zeal. A gentleman who employs a great number of hands in a manufactory, in order to encourage his work people in a due attendance at church, on a late Fast Day, told them that if they went to church they should receive the wages for that day the same as if they had been at work;" upon which a deputation was appointed to acquaint their employer, that if he would pay them over-hours, they would attend the Methodist Chapel in the evening.
How to get quit of Rats.-An innkeeper on the coast lately complained to a French gentleman that his house was greatly infested with rats, and that he would willingly give a considerable sum to get rid of them, was on the following morning, and after the Frenchman had received his bill) accosted by him, "Sir, I shall tell you vich vay you shall get rid of de rat." " I will be very much obliged to you if you can," replied the landlord. Vell den, only charge de rat as you charge me, and I will be hanged if de rat come to your house again.
An Eruption.A man who had a scolding wife observed that she was troubled with a breaking out of the mouth,
Medical Jurisprudence. A medical practitioner whose character for integrity was suspected, being in the course of his business detected using false weights in selling his medicines, and charged with the fact, made use of the following very curious: argument in his defence: That in the medical profession, it was understood to be the best practice which gave the least drugs.
Maxims.-The three most difficult things are, to keep a secret, to forget an injury, and to make good use of leisure. A wise man speaks but sparingly. A great talker is seldom a wise man. A flow of words is no proof of wisdom, nor an evidence of just sentiment. It is better that the foot should slip than the tongue. We ought either to be silent, or to speak things that are better than silence; for this reason we have two ears and one tongue, that we should hear much and speak little. It is much better for a man to conceal his folly and ignorance than to discover the same. A man that knows how to speak knows also when to be silent.