Page images

Letter from Andrew Ettleweel.

the entreaties, an' the admonitions, an' the reproofs o' the godly man—

—whan in again marches Guy wi' a' the train o' wives an' waens after him. I'm sure the noise, an' the bussle an' confusion that now tak’s place wad aften be eneuch to put the minister out o' temper, ware he no a perfect pattern o' self commaun'; for he's now gaun on speaking but he's gettin' naebody to hear him, till the fo’k

see a' about the bunker seated an adjusted. An' the clamour's no dune yet, for in a weeoc whan we're a' again tryin' to len' our lugs to the minister, ane of the waens maybe begins to skirl, the noise sets the tithers till' an' than to be sure there's a concert that's no very melodious to the ear; an' whilk maun be very provockin' to the minister, wha's patiently tryin' to droun the uproar wi' his elevated voice. In trowth I'đe atten won'ert that it disna mak him stick his preachin'.

I needna describe the ceremonie that has brochte a' thae fo'k to the bunker. It's gane through in the same way in ilka parish kirk. It is vera solemn an'impressive--an' I'm sure gif a' the injunctions an' advices that are gi'en, ware ta’en an' aeked up to, as they sud be, we wad see fewer o' our youths turnin' out neerdo-weels, and mair o' our sponsors settin' a peeous an' praisworthy example, to whilk they hae come under a solemn promise.

The minister has now scaled us, an' we a' tak the road; but as we hae begun, we'se follow ane o' the Christenin' parties—an'

muckle about them till they get hame; though we michte' tell o' the sad toilin' an' cadguin the puir weanie gets, that's no used to siccan rough usage, an' o' the driechness o' the road to it's mither, wha's no vera fit yet for siccan expeditions. But we'se enter wi' them to the spense, an' follow out the his.. torie o' the day. Aye, an' wha wad tak it for a Sunday now, an'. a Sunday too to them o' such peculiar solemnitie, whan we see them begirdin' themsel's for banquetin' wi' their frien's, instead

sanctifyin' the e'enin' wi' their househal'?. O wha that leuks

the serious nature o' the ordinance they hae been lately engagyd in, an' sees them now in the hour o' feastin', wi' their peeous thochts exchainged for thochtes o' levitie, an' cracks o' warlly concerns, wad think they ware ackin' a consistent or a proper páirt?l'se no pursue the reflexion ; but I'll lea' it wi yirsel' to mak a better use o't, an' waim your rcaders to tak tent o' their ways, least they inak a mockerie o' religion, an' do what can nowther be justified by decencie nor common sense.


we'll no say

Sagacity of a Dog.

I wad hae gi'en ye some mae particulars connecket wi' this subjeck; but I see I hae keepet ye far owre lang already, an' I lea' ye in the mean time wi' a' guid wishes for yir walfare, an' remain yir faithfu' frien',

ANDREW ETTLEWEEL. Townhead, 12th January, 1819.


One day when Dumont, a tradesman of the Rue St. Dennis

, Paris, was walking in the Boulevard, St. Antoine, he offered to lay a wager with the latter, that if he were to hide a six livre piece in the dust, his dog would discover and bring it to him.. The wager was accepted, and the coin secreted after being carefully marked. When the two friends had proceeded some distance from the spot, M. Dumont called to his dog that he had lost something, and ordered him to seek for it. Caniche immediately turned back, and his master and companion pursued their walk to the Rue St. Dennis.- Meanwhile, a traveller, who happened to be just then returning in a small chaise from Vincennes perceived the piece of money which his horse had kicked from its hiding place. He alighted, took it up, and drove to his inn, in the Rue Pont aux Choux. Caniche had just reached the spot in quest of the ecu when the stranger picked it up. He followed the chaise, went into the inn, and stuck close to the traveller. Having scented out the coin he had been ordered to bring back, in the pocket of the latter, he leaped up incessantly at and about him. The traveller supposing him to be some dog that had been lost or left behind by his master, regarded his different movements as marks of fondness; and, as the animal was handsome, he determined to keep him. He gave him a good supper, and on retiring to bed took him to his chamber. No sooner had he pulled off his breeches than they were seized by the dog. The owner conceiving that he wanted to play with them, took them away again. The animal began to bark at the door, which the traveller opened, under the idea that he wanted to go out. Caniche snatched up

the breeches, and he flew. The traveller posted after him with his night cap on, and literally sans culottes. 'Anxiety for the fate of a purse full of gold Napoleons of forty francs each, which was in one of the pockets, gave redoub

Segacity of a Dog.

led velocity to his steps. Caniche ran full speed to his master's house, where the stranger arrived a moment afterwards breathless and enraged. He accused the dog of robbing him." Sir," said the master,

my dog is a very faithful creature; and if he has run away with your breeches, it is because you have in thein money which does not belong to you." The traveller became still more exasperated. “Compose yourself, sir," rejoined the other, smiling without doubt there is in your purse a six livre piece, with such and such marks, which you have picked up in Boulevard St. Antoine, and which I threw down there with the firm conviction that my dog would bring it back again. This is the cause of the robbery he has committed upon you.” The stranger's rage, now yielded to astonishment; he delivered the six livre piece to the dog, which had occasioned him so much uyeasiness and such an unpleasant chase.


At the encampment of a body of British troops in the province of Bojepore, in the East Indies, one of the officers had a horse stolen; but the thief missing the road before he got out of sight of the tents, was detected and brought back.

The gentleman highly pleased at the recovering of his horse, and much surprised at the dexterity of the fellow who carried him off from the midst of six or seven officers, or grooms, was more inclined to admire his address and expertness than to pún. ish him. Next morning his resentment having entirely subsided he yielded to his curiosity. He ordered the fellow therefore to be brought before him; and inquired by what contrivance he had effected his purpose. The fellow replied, he could not well tell his honour, but if he pleased he would show him. “Well, then,” says the officer, " since you are so bad at description, we'll see how

you did it.” “ Now sir, says he, pray take notice. This is the


I crawled over the grooms. The next thing was to loosen the ropes behind which I did thus. I then clapped a halter-observe sir, if you please, over his neck thus, “ Admirably clever, by Jove, cries the officer, laughing and rubbing his hands. “ In this manner," continued the fellow, “ I jumped upon his back, and when once I am mounted I give any one

Port-Folio.Singular Policy-BonteConceit-Alliteration Mutual Terror.

leave to catch me who can." In saying this, he gave the horse a kick, and pushed him through the gaping crowd, put him to his full speed, and carried him clear off.

[blocks in formation]

Singular Policy - A Tradesman having been perplexed with making new copies of a long account, which a debtor had always the misfortune to nislay, used the precaution of getting a nawe ber printed, which had the effect of procuring a settlement.

Boxers.-A gentleman enquiring at one of a crowd assembled around two pugelistic wrights, what the matter was ? Received for answer that it was only two Box-makers at work.

Conceit-An Englishman strongly prejudiced against Scotch names persisted in applying the appellation of Tumble Churck, to Falkirk.

[ocr errors]

Alliteration. A gentleman being complimented on his stature, modestly answered, "I am not tali at all..

Mutual Terror.-After Mr. Boaden had read his Aurelia and Miranda in the green room of Drury lane Theatre, he observed, that, he knew nothing so terrible as reading a piece before such a critical audience. “I know one thing much more terrihle," said Mr. Powel“ What can that be," said our author. be obliged to sit and hear it.

Hibernianismo-In a late dispute on the subject of climates an honest Irishnan, who was present, contended warmly in favour of his own country“ In the first place,” said he, " the weather there is much finer; in the next place, we have a greater abundance of rain; and in the third place, the days are mucho longer." -This however said a bye-stander, cannot be the whole

“ Arrah, dear honey, but it is though ;-and that is not all the days are not only longer but there are more. them.

year round.


An Unexpected Answer A Pun-Choice of Pies-Moral Wit-Singular Sign-boards.

you got in

An unexpected Answer. A gentleman paid his devoirs to a lady, already prepossessed in favour of a Mr. Psalter; her partiality for the latter being evident, the former took occasion to ask, in a room full of company, Pray, Miss, how far have


Psalter? “ As far," (said she) as Blessed is the man.

A Pun.-A punning writer of the last century observes, with great quaintness, that when the cannons of the princes began war, the authority of the canons of the church was destroyed. " It was," says he, “ first mitran that governed the world, and then miram ; first Saint Peter, and then Salt Peter.


Choice of Pies-Dean Swift travelling in Ireland, called at the house of a friend; the lady of the mansion, rejoiced to have so distinguished a guest, ran up to him and teazed him with a number of questions, as to what he would like to have for din

“Will you have a gooseberry-pie, Sir? will you have a an apple-pie, Sir? will you have a cherry-pie, Sir ?"_" Any pie madam," replied the fatigued Dean, " but a nuagpie."

Moral Wit-Some years ago a person requested permission of the bishop of Salisbury to fy from the top of that cathederal. The good bishop, with an anxious concern for the man's spiritual, as well as temporal safety, told him he was very welcome to fly to the church, but he would encourage no man to fly from it.

Singular Sign Boards.--Some years ago, a sweep exhibited a sign-board on the front of his mansion in that street of Glasgow appropriately called the Goose Dubs, in which he termed hiinself, Sweep, Slater, and Pig-putter-on.—Nearly as ridiculous as that to this day to be seen on the front of a Public Seminary, New British System of Education.-Pray, when did the learned Preceptors leave New Britain ?

The Nine of Dianonds. The night before the battle of Culloden, the Duke of Cumberland thought proper to give orders to General Campbell not to give quarter; and this order being dispatched in haste, happened to be written on a card, and that card the Nine of Diamonds ; from which time and circumstànce, t has gone by the appellation of the curse of Scotland.

F 3

« PreviousContinue »