Quoth he," I know not which rehearses
Most properly, his themes and verses;
Yet I can do a father's part,
And school the temper, mind, and heart;
The natural bent of each I'll know,
And trifles best that bent may show."
"Twas just before the closing year,
When Christmas holidays were near,
The farmer call'd to see his boys,
And ask how each his time employs.
Quoth Will, +" There's father, boys, without,
He has brought us something good, no doubt;"
The father sees their merry faces;
With joy beholds them and embraces;
Then from his pocket straight he takes
A vast profusion of PLUM-CAKES;
He counts them out a plenteous store,
No boy to have or less or more;
TWELVE cakes he gives to each dear son,
When each expected only one;
And then, with many a kind expression,
He leaves them to their own discretion;
Resolv'd to mark the use each made,
Of what he to their hands convey'd.
The twelve days past, he comes once more,
And brings the horses to the door;
The boys with rapture see appear
The pony and the dappled mare;
Each moment now an hour they count,
And slash their whips and long to mount.
As with the boys his ride he takes
He asks the history of the cakes.
* The tone of the farmer must differ from that of the narrator: he may naturally be supposed to be plain and homely, and his voice should be in a lower key.
The rate of utterance should be here somewhat hurried, and the tone of voice a little elevated.
This requires a joyous tone.
§ The rate of utterance in the two following lines becomes more rapid.
Says Will, * Dear Father, life is short,
So I resolved to make quick sport;
The cakes were all so nice and sweet,
I thought I'd have one JOLLY treat;
Why should I baulk, said I, my taste?
I'll make at once a HEARTY feast.
So snugly by myself I fed,
When every boy was gone to bed;
I gorg'd them all both paste and plum,
And did not waste a single crumb.
Howe'er they made me, to my sorrow,
+As sick as death upon the morrow;
This made me mourn my rich repast,
And wish I had not fed so fast."
Quoth Jack, "I was not such a dunce
To eat my quantum up at once;
And though the boys all long'd to clutch them,
I would not let a creature touch them;
Nor though the whole were in my power.
Would I myself one cake devour;
Thanks to the use of keys and locks,
They're all now safe within my box;
The mischief is, by hoarding long,
They're grown so mouldy and so strong,
1 find they won't be fit to eat,
"Well, Tom!" the anxious parent cries,
"How did you manage?" Tom replies,
I shunn'd each wide extreme to take,
To glut myself or hoard my cake;
I thought each day its wants would have
And appetite again might crave.
Twelve school-days still my notches counted,
To twelve my father's cakes amounted;
* The tone of the boys should be made to vary; Will's selfishness, Jack's miserly habits, and Tom's generosity should be evinced in the delivery of the part assigned each.
"As sick as death" requires a protracted utterance.
So every day I took out ONE,
But never ate my cake ALONE;
With every needy boy I shared,
And more than half I ALWAYS spared;
One every day 'twixt self and friend
Has brought my dozen to an end.
My last remaining cake to day,
I would not touch, but gave away:
A boy was ill and scarce could eat,
To him it proved a welcome treat.
Jack call'd me SPENDTHRIFT not to save,
Will dubb'd me FOOL because I gave ;
But when our last day came I smiled,
For Will's were GONE, and Jack's were SPOILED;
Not hoarding much nor eating fast,
I served a needy friend at last."
THE JESTER CONDEMNED TO DEATH.*
One of the Kings of Scanderoon,
A Royal Jester
Had in his train, a gross buffoon,
Who used to pester
The court with tricks inopportune,
Venting on the highest folks his
Scurvy pleasantries and hoaxes.
It needs some sense to play the fool,
Which wholesome rule
Occurr'd not to our jackanapes,
Who consequently found his freaks
Lead to innumerable scrapes,
And quite as many kicks and tweaks,
Which only seem'd to make him faster
Try the patience of his master.
* The narrative part of this piece should be spoken in a lively humoursome manner. The Sultan is authoritative and stern, and the Jester submissive, but with a degree of mock obsequiousness.
Some sin at last, beyond all measure,
Incurr'd the desperate displeasure
Of his serene and raging highness:
Whether he twitched his most revered
And sacred beard,
Or had intruded on the shyness
Of the seraglio, or let fly
An epigram at royalty,
None knows; his sin was an occult one;
But records tell us that the Sultan,
Meaning to terrify the knave,
Exclaim'd, "Tis time to stop that breath;
Thy doom is seal'd, presumptuous slave!
Thou stand'st condemn'd to certain DEATH.
SILENCE, base rebel! no replying!-
But such is my indulgence still,
Out of my own free grace and will
I leave to thee the mode of dying."
"Thy royal will be done-'tis just,"
Replied the wretch, and kiss'd the dust;
Since my last moments to assuage,
Your majesty's humane decree
Has deign'd to leave the choice to me,
I'll die, so please you, of OLD AGE!"
There lived in a village not for from a river,
A PUPPY, who thought himself knowing and clever ; A pert little cur, who, unable to BITE,
Kept snarling and barking from morning to night.
Whoever approach'd him he noisily greeted,
And with his shrill music each traveller treated;
If he bark'd himself hoarse he would speedily rally,
And alike on his friends and his foes would he sally.
With his weakness and folly since ALL were acquainted, His violent conduct they seldom resented:
pass him in scorn is the course they prefer, Since nobody cared for an insolent* cur.
The forbearance towards him thus daily extended,
To make him the prouder and saucier tended;
He thought the whole village beheld him with fear,
And he deem'd himself MASTER of all who came near.
It happen'd, however, one† cold winter's day,
A noble large mastiff was passing that way;
When, to show his importance, our silly young whelp
As usual began at his betters to yelp.
The mastiff turn'd round and look'd grave at the puppy,
And I thought this reproof from his face I could copy:
"You saucys young cur, had you ONE grain of true sense,
You'd scorn to be thus to your neighbours a nuisance.
"Your pranks, let me tell you, are foolish and vicious,
And bring a disgrace on the whole of the species;
But come, sir! I'm going to teach you the danger
To which you're expos'd in insulting a stranger."
Thus wisely resolv'd such ill manners to check,
He laid hold of the cur by the crag of the neck;
While the latter, half dead with confusion and terror,
Sincerely repented his puppyish error.
Then trotting away to the river in haste,
The mastiff plung'd in it, but held the cur fast;
Theres duck'd him, and sous'd him, and shook him about,
Till at last he thought proper to carry him out.
By this mode of proceeding the puppy he taught
The duty of holding his tongue when he ought;
For he carried him back to the place of his dwelling
Quite cured of his passion for barking and yelling.
*This requires an expression of disdain.
Slow rate of utterance, for the sake of emphasis.
Protracted utterance, with a contemptuous sneer.
This line also requires a slow utterance, with considerable emphasis.
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