ANON THE LERNEANS "Lerneans are bad: not some bad and some not ANON PERPLEXITY "Sad Heraclitus, with thy tears return; Life more than ever gives us cause for mirth. Between you both I stand in thoughtful pother, How I should weep with one, how laugh with t'other." Beside his short poems, we quote a little of the prose of LUCIAN A QUESTION OF PRECEDENCE ZEUS, ÆSCULAPIUS, and HERACLES "Zeus. Do, Esculapius and Heracles, stop your wrangling, in which you indulge as if you were a couple of mortals; for this sort of behavior is unseemly, and quite strange to the banquets of the gods. "Heracles. But, Zeus, would you have that quack drugdealer there take his place at table above me? “Esculapius. By Zeus, yes, for I am certainly the better man. "Heracles. How, you thunderstruck fellow, is it, pray, because Zeus knocked you on the head with his bolt for your unlawful actions, and because now, out of mere pity, by way of compensation, you have got a share of immortality? "Esculapius. What! have you, for your part, Heracles, altogether forgotten your having been burned to ashes on Mount Eta, that you throw in my teeth this fire you talk of? "Heracles. We have not lived at all an equal or similar sort of life-I, who am the son of Zeus, and have undergone so many and great labors, purifying human life, contending against and conquering wild beasts, and punishing insolent and injurious men; whereas you are a paltry herb-doctor and mountebank, skilful, possibly, in palming off your miserable drugs upon sick fools, but who have never given proof of any noble, manly disposition. "Esculapius. You say well, seeing I healed your burns when you came up but now half-burned, with your body all marred and destroyed by the double cause of your deaththe poisoned shirt, and afterward the fire. Now I, if I have done nothing else, at least have neither worked like a slave, as you have, nor have I carded wool in Lydia, dressed in a fine purple gown; nor have I been beaten by that Omphale of yours, with her golden slipper. No, nor did I, in a mad fit, kill my children and my wife! "Heracles. If you don't stop your ribald abuse of me at once, you shall very speedily learn your immortality will not avail you much; for I will take and pitch you head first out of heaven, so that not even the wonderful Pæon himself shall cure you and your broken skull. "Zeus. Have done, I say, and don't disturb the harmony of the company, or I will pack both of you off from the supperroom; although, to speak the truth, Heracles, it is fair and reasonable Esculapius should have precedence of you at table, inasmuch as he even took precedence of you in death.” -"Dialogues of the Gods." ODYSSEUS'S TRICK ON POLYPHEMUS POSEIDON and POLYPHEMUS "Polyphemus. Oh, father, what have I endured at the hands of the cursed stranger, who made me drunk and put out my eye, assaulting me when I was lulled to sleep! "Poseidon. Who dared to do this, my poor Polyphemus? "Polyphemus. In the first instance, he called himself Outis; but when he had got clear away, and was out of reach of my arrow, he said that his name was Odysseus. "Poseidon. I know whom you speak of-him of Ithaca, and he was on his return voyage from Ilium. But how did he do it, for he is by no means a man of too much courage? 'Polyphemus. Returning from my accustomed attending of my flock, I caught a number of fellows in my cave, evidently having designs on my herds; for when I placed the stone block against the door-the rock is of huge size-and had lighted the fire by igniting the tree which I brought from the mountain, evidently they appeared to be trying to conceal themselves. Well, when I had got hold of some of them I devoured them for a pack of thieves, as was reasonable. Hereupon that most villainous rascal, whether he was Outis or Odysseus, pours out a sort of drug and gives me to drinksweet, indeed, and of delicious smell, but most insidious, and which caused great disorder in my head; for, immediately upon my drinking, everything seemed to me to be in a whirl, and the cave itself was turned upside down, and I was no longer at all in my senses; and at last I was dragged down into sleep. Then sharpening the bar, and igniting it besides, he blinded me as I slept, and from that time I am a blind man, at your service, Poseidon. "Poseidon. How soundly you slept, my son, that you did not jump up while you were being blinded! But as for this Odysseus, then, how did he escape? For he could not-I am well assured that he could not-move away the rock from the door. "Polyphemus. Yes, but it was I who removed it, that I might the better catch him as he was going out; and, sitting down close to the door, I groped for him with extended hands, letting only my sheep go out to pasture, after having given instructions to the ram what he was to do in my place. "Poseidon. I perceive: they slipped away unnoticed, under the sheep. But you ought to have shouted, and called the rest of the Cyclopes to your aid. "Polyphemus. I did summon them, father, and they came. But when they asked the sneaking rascal's name, and I said it was Outis, thinking I was in a mad fit, they took themselves off at once. Thus the cursed fellow tricked me with his name; and what especially vexes me is, that he actually threw my misfortune in my teeth. 'Not even,' said he, will your father Poseidon cure you.' "Poseidon. Never mind, my child, for I will revenge myself upon him; he shall learn that, even if it is not possible for me to heal the mutilation of people's eyes, at all events the fate of voyagers is in my hands. And he is still at sea." -Dialogues of the Sea-Gods. Remembering that the dividing lines may not be too strictly drawn, we close our survey of Greek Humor with some of the fragments of Menander. Menander, who was to the Middle or New Comedy what Aristophanes was to the Old Comedy, left only fragments. One bit, rather longer than the others, shows, with the inevitable animal element not lacking, a surprisingly modern spirit of satire. 66 Suppose some god should say: Die when thou wilt, And for that life make choice of all creation What thou wilt be-dog, sheep, goat, man, or horse; Choose only in what form; there thou art free. So help me, Crato, I would fairly answer And barefaced knavery garbles what is left. And see these villains lord it o'er their betters." Other Fragments of Menander follow. "Be off! these shams of golden tresses spare; "Better to have, if good you rightly measure, Little with joy than much that brings not pleasure, "Marriage, if truth be told (of this be sure), "Wretched is he that has one son; or, rather, “Think this, on marriage when your mind is set: "Slave not for one who has been himself a slave; Steers, loosed from ploughs, of toil small memory have." "A handsome person, with perverted will, Is a fine craft that's handled without skill." "Let not a friend your cherished secrets hear; "More love a mother than a father shows: "Fathers' and lovers' threats no truth have got. They swear dire vengeance,-but they mean it not.' "Your petty tyrant's insolence I hate; If wrong is done me, be it from the great." 39 |