into a promise of marriage; but the marriage state-no-it has responsibilities-it has a future! ANSWERING A FOOL ACCORDING Let me tell a Dutch story right here, because it came from a Dutchman in the eastern part of Pennsylvania, and must be a true story. The Dutchman was never ashamed of his religion. In his neighborhood there was a skeptic who said: "You can't believe anything you can't understand;" and so some of the better class asked the Dutchman if he would not have a conversation with him. He said: "Yes, if you tink best." "Have you any objections to some of the neighbors coming in?" "No, shust as you tink best." So they made the appointment, and every one was there. The old gentleman came in, laid down his hat, and was introduced to the skeptic, and he suddenly began by saying: "Vell, now look here. I pleef the Bible-what you pleefs?' Said he: "I don't believe anything can't understand." I OLD MAIDS. Old maids are Hymen's failures. They are so many pieces of raw material which he has not succeeded in fashioning into. wives and mothers, and something of the shame of a lost life is attached to them all. Not that all of them deserve it. On the contrary, a great many of them have been the heroines of a great passion, not a few of them have been the spoil of an evil chance, and some of them have lived for that which came not, and have withered into insignificance without once nearing, except in dreams, the possession of the crown of woman's life. A few there are who have fallen through ambition, and there are many who have missed their opportunity through an excess of caution; but these we take to be in the minority. It is woman's mission to win and be won, and those who do not succeed in achieving at least a part of this are better off as they are than they would have been in other circumstances, inasmuch that they have proved that their capacity is not great, and therefore, that their place at man's side is not desirable. The old maid is sometimes a ridiculous figure enough, but she is nearly always touching and compassionable. It is possible to laugh at her, and it is possible to weep over her; she has in her the materials of a caricature, and she will serve as well for the text of a homily. Hers is a wasted life, and there is something melancholy in her aspect, even though she be, as oftentimes she is, as lively as a cricket, the providence of a score of nieces and nephews, the guiding spirit of a whole household. For she has been directed from her natural bent. She is, as it were, a blank sheet on which no words of comfort have ever been written, and on which no man will ever write them, and between which and the waste basket there is a mournfully obvious connection. The woman who is born to be a wife and a mother, and who fails to be either, can hardly be said to have fulfilled her destiny, even though she should take all the outcasts of humanity to her bosom; and although her ways may have fallen in pleasant places, and her days have gone Now, that was as bad as the other, be-on without trouble or annoy, though the cause the same perplexity arose. He had to prove there was wool on the back of the pig, or hair on the back of the sheep, and he couldn't tell why, and therefore he had no business to believe it. Finally he said, "I don't know." "Oh, you must be one very smart man. I vas mighty glad I meet you. I ask you some questions. The odder day I vas riding along the road and I meet von dog, and that dog he had von of his ears stand up in this way and the odder von he stand down so. Now, why vas dat?" Now, that was very unhandy just then, very unhandy. He either had to prove that the dog did not have one ear standing up and the other standing down, or else he did not believe it. So he said, "I don't know.". "Oh, then you are not so very smart, after all. I ask you anodder question. I saw in John Smith's clover patch, the clover come up so nice, and I looked over into the field and dere vas John Smith's pigs; and dere come out hair on dere packs; and in the very same clover patch vas his sheep, and dere come out wool on dere packs. Now, why vas dat?" "Vell," he said, " 'you are not half so smart as you tink you are. Now, I asks you anodder question. Do you pleeve dere is a God?" stream of her existence has flowed as placidly and clearly as such streams may flow, it is none the less certain that she would have enjoyed the world far more had one taken her by the hand for the long journey that ends in the churchyard, even though her road had lain altogether away from the green fields and quiet woods she traversed, and been set thick with thorns and stones and shards, and rough and bitter "No, I don't believe any such nonsense." to an intolerable degree. For if she have Oh, yes, I hear about you long ago. I avoided great sorrows, she has missed great know all about you. My Bible knows joys; and it is certain that neither are sorabout you, for in my Bible Le says: "The rows shared so keen as those unshared, nor fool says in his heart there is no God; but are such joys as we savor selfshly and withyou, big fool, you blab it right out."-out a companion to participate in them as President G. P. Hayes. large and wholesome as those that arise from our intimacy with another. Life, in WORTH ON DRESSING. An English paper gives the following interesting particulars of Worth, the celebrated dress-maker: Worth is a tallish man, with a big, clever head and very prominent forehead. His brown eyes are singularly shrewd in expression, and their seizure of detail is surprising-that is, for a man. As a rule, men have no more eye for detail than owls have for the sun. Worth takes you in at a glance, and knows what your style ought to be, which is such a comfort. When I go to a dress-maker, I don't care to "work my passage," as Bob would say. I want to order a harmony in one or two colors, and to encounter brains equal to the occasion. Worth's taste, when allowed full play, is irreproachable. "I prefer simplicity to everything else," he says, "but there are women who don't believe in the value of a dress unless it is loaded with trimming. They drive me mad, for they won't take advice. Now, what is becoming to one person is hideous when worn by another. I study to make the best out of the subject given me, as, unfortunately, we can't have people made to order, can we? If I had my way, all women should be slight, graceful and pretty. Then dressing would be an artistic pleasure. A dress should never overpower the wearer. It should merely be an appropriate frame for a charming picture, bringing out the beauties of the picture, but never detracting from it. So few women understand this. Why, when I find I can make a costume for less money than has been agreed upon, I actually annoy my clients by telling them so. They think it cannot be as handsome as it ought to be, and they would rather have more material added, however much the design may be marred, than pay less. I assure you this is a fact. Consequently, when I meet ladies who know that dressing is an art, I take very great satisfaction in having them as patrons. It isn't every woman who knows how to wear a dress. When I have done my best, I try to have my client do her best by seeing her walk and sit down. To walk with style is rare enough, but when it comes to being able to sit down in a dress properly-well, there are not many equal to that, I can tell you. Then, women think they ought to have a number of dresses, however hideous, rather than wear one dress, however becoming There never was a greater mistake. If your frame is appropriate, stick to it. Don't be getting out of it and trying experiments. I have just made a dress for Mme. Nilsson, in which she looks better than I ever saw her before; and I have begged her to wear that dress constantly in Russia if she wants to produce a most charming effect. As she is sensible, I think she will take my advice, which, you perceive, is against my interest; but, good gracious me, money is not my only object. Art is intended to beautify nature, not to deform it." THE ENGLISH PARLIAMENT. [Col. Forney's London Letter in Phil. Press.] All, or nearly all, the officers of the two houses of Parliament live in the Parliamentary palace, and live in style. The Speakers of the House of Peers, the Lord Chancellor, Lord Cairns, who is also a judge in the higher courts, receives $50,000 annually; the Clerk of the House of Peers, Sir William Rose, K. C. B., $12,500 annually; his deputy, Ralph Disraeli, $9,000; the Reading Clerk, $6,000; the Counsel to the Chairs, $7,500; there are six clerks at $5,000 each; eighteen on smaller pay; a librarian at $4,000; a deputy librarian at $3,500; two "examiners for standing orders," at $4,000; the Gentleman Usher of the Black Wand, General Right Hon. Sir Walter Knollys, $10,000; the yeoman usher at $5,000; the sergeant at arms, Lieutenant Colonel Hon. W. P. Talbot, $7,500, and his deputy $3,000. There is a well salaried short-hand writer and a host of uniformed doorkeepers and servants comfortably compensated. The Speaker of the House of Commons, the Right Hon. H. B. W. Brand, M. P., receives $25,000 a year; the Deputy Speaker and Permanent Chairman of the Committee of the Whole, Henry Cecil Raikes, M. P., $12,500; the Clerk, Sir T. Erskine May, K. C. B., $10,000; his clerk assistant, $7,500; the second assistant, $5,000; the principal clerk of the public-bill office, $5,000; the principal clerk of the committees, $5,000; the journal clerk, $6,500; clerk of private bills, $5,000; seven senior clerks, from $3,500 to $4,000 each; thirteen assistant clerks, from $3,000 to $1,500 each; the sergeant-atarms, $6,000, and two deputies, one at $4,000 and the other at $2,500; counsel to the Speaker, $9,000; librarian, $5,000, and his assistant, $2,800; the referees of private bills, each $5,000. There are also many others, including a chaplain at $2,000, secretary to the Speaker, a short-hand writer, doorkeepers ad libitum, and servants on excellent salaries. DER PLUMBER. Who ish dot vellar so right abused, Who alvays 'round mine house does schneak, Who sents his man, mit poy und pag, Who, ven dere's notting wrong at all, Who to his vorkingman he says, Who schvears he put in forty feets Who, ven he sents me in his bill, Who gets a mortgage on mine schtore, countrymen-but he did his duty meekly and kindly, and repressed rather than encouraged the desire of some of his companions to push the law with severity. He was therefore much beloved, and the passion of the Scotch for poetry made them regard him as a little more than a spirit inspired. It is the practice of the young men of Dumfries to meet in the street during the hours of remission from labor, and by these means I had an opportunity of witnessing the solicitude of all ranks and of all ages. His differences with them in some important points of human speculation and religious hope were forgotten and forgiven; they thought only of his genius-of the delight his compositions had diffused-and they talked of him with the same awe as of some departing spirit, whose voice was to gladden them no more. His last moments have never been described. He had laid his head quietly on the pillow, awaiting dissolution, when his attendant reminded him of his medicine, and held the cup to his lips. He started suddenly up, drained the cup at a gulp, threw his hands before him like a man about to swim, and sprang from head to foot of the bed-fell with his face down, and expired with a groan.-Allan Cunningham. ONE TRAMP WHO WAS OF SOME The best joke of the season occurred a short time ago in King. The names are not yet given to the public, but the facts are as follows: About bed-time a rather seedy in ROBERT BURNS' DEATHBED. From the day of Burns' return home till the hour of his death Dumfries was like a besieged place. It was known he was dy-dividual, whose outer garments betokened ing, and the anxiety, not of the rich and an eternal estrangement from his washerlearned only, but of the mechanics and woman, called at Farmer B.'s and requested peasants, exceeded all belief. Wherever lodging for the night. Mr. B. did not have two or three people stood together, their any rooms suitable for the traveler, but oftalk was of Burns, and of him only; they fered some old blankets and the haymow. spoke of his history-of his works-of his These were thankfully accepted, and the family-of his fame-and of his untimely tramp was soon soundly asleep in the hay. and approaching fate, with a warmth and About midnight two men, having only an enthusiasm which will ever endear Dum-vague ideas of meum and tuum, drove a fries to my remembrance. All that he said team and wagon to the barn, and comor was saying--the opinions of the physi-menced stealthily and noiselessly to fill the cians (and Maxwell was a kind and skillful one) were eagerly caught up and reported from street to street and from house to house. His good humor was unruffled and his wit never forsook him. He looked to one of his fellow volunteers with a smile, as he stood by the bedside with his eyes wet, and said, "John, don't let the awkward squad fire over me." He was aware that death was dealing with him. He asked a lady who visited him, more in sincerity than in mirth, what commands she had for the other world. He repressed with a smile the hopes of his friends, and told them he had lived long enough. As his life drew to a close, the eager yet decorous solicitude of his fellow-townsmen increased. He was an exciseman, it is true-a name odious, from many associations, to his wagon with twenty-two or twenty-three bags of wheat, which Mr. B. had ready for market next day. They had all loaded up save a five bushel sack, standing in a corner, which they had vainly tried to lift. Said one of them, "Let us go; we can't load it." The tramp about this moment happening to awake, and considering the above an appeal to his manhood, arose out of the hay, saying, "I'll help you!" The men, at the appearance of the king of shreds and patches issuing from the dark corner, both flew like lightning from the premises, leaving horses, wagon and all behind them. The tramp aroused up Mr. B., who, coming to the barn, at once recognized the team as belonging to a man living not a thousand miles away. They are still in Mr. B.'s possession.-Toronto Globe. [From the Atlantic Monthly.] Slanting across the fields of snow, With many a pause of happy rest Holding in his mysterious hand What songs have told my spirit's cheer, These with To-morrow fade apace, The sun drops deeper, night is chill; ]From the Denver Tribune.] ORDERING A WIFE. as "Had he any instruction to give in regard to the selection?" "Yes, he said, 'Harry, bring me a good, honest, sensible girl, what there's no foolishness or show about-a girl what'll make an honest man an honest wife,' and that's just the kind o' woman I'll take out, and the one that'll be Jim's wife." While this manner of choosing a wife is a somewhat novel one, it must be confessed that Jim's idea of the woman best calculated to make with him the journey of life, was a good one. OLD FORT, (Near Willoughby, Lake County, Ohio,) presumed the aboriginals would take up A gentleman traveling between Pueblo and Kansas City was engaged in conversation with a very intelligent but rough looking miner, who had been for four years an auriferous adventurer in the San Juan country, and who had "struck it" rich. He separate from the mass on all sides, and The immense conglomerate blocks that made no secret of the fact that his visit to move slowly down the slopes, produce creva certain town in Michigan was for the pur-ices and rock shelters, where it would be pose of marrying the girl he left behind him," for whose future comfort he had built and furnished a house high up among the snow-capped mountains of Colorado. But this does not interest the reader as will the balance of his story. He left in San Juan a partner, whom he describes as square a man as ever struck a drill," with whom he had constantly labored for three long years as mere "prospectors" and with whom he now jointly held one of the most valuable properties in their district. Jim, too, desired to go East, but their mutual interests made the absence of both parties at the same time impossible; he didn't know any one in particular East, but then he wanted to go. Jim was rather a bashful, reticent man and did not even like to tell his partner the real purpose of his coveted visit; but upon the eve of the departure of the latter, the purpose of whose visit was known, Jim made the request, in dead earnest, that he bring him a wife. "Will you do it?" he asked. "Do it? You bet." search among the fissures and rocky masses After two days' thorough of the crest of the mountain we found nothing. Captain Pedrick, who lives on the lake shore, at the mouth of the Chagrin river, below Willoughby, had informed us of an ancient fort and relic on the bluff opposite his house, half a mile from the lake. The entire delegation accepted his liberal proposition to examine this spot, and quarter at his residence. The bluff is a blunt point of land, composed of drift hard pan, about thirty-five feet high, at the base of which the river is rapidly wearing away the materials, which slide away in narrow benches. At the upper side is a ripple, and in front of it, on the other bank, low, flooded 1 land, with sluggish bayous extending to the and she accepts. They whirl away, and she says, "Do you dance very often?" blushing behind her mask at her boldness. "Very often,' ," replied the cavalier, and added, "not often in Springfield." "You do not live here, then?" the little domino mustered up courage to say. "I would live here, or at the ends of the earth to be near a little black domino that I could mention," said the cavalier. This was too much for the little lady, but she was in for it, and would fight it out now, come what would. They danced a great deal together, o'clock, they unmasked, when, to the horror of Mr., he found that he had been dancing with his own wife. The scene that followed can be imagined, and we will drop the curtain on the lecture that followed. VITALITY OF ANTS. Within the old lines there is a heavy accumulation of black soil, filled with kitchen refuse, one to two feet deep. Messrs. Jos. | and James Worden remember when the embankment was double or in two lines-and when the circle formed, just before 12 the two crests about a rod apart, with a ditch between about two and a half feet deep. They have spent much time in excavating the remains of the old occupants, which are deepest at the crest of the bluff. They have a very complete cabinet of relics from the "kitchen refuse" heaps. The bones of wild animals, including the bear, deer, elk, woodchuck, raccoon, fox and wolf, covered with ashes and charcoal, compose a material part of the mass. We filled a bag with bones in half an hour. Stone axes and mauls are not very abundant or perfect. Flint arrow points and broken pottery or shreds are common, but not numerous. The most striking feature of the collection of the Messrs. Worden is the number and perfection of bone awls, perforators and gouges. They made us a donation of twenty-three, which represent nearly all of those found in the shell heaps The extreme of heat seemed also to be of Florida by the late Professor Wyman. endured by F. pennsylvanica; they did not We hope to be able to have them engraved suffer at all from the heat of stones walling hereafter. There are besides many frac-in a camp-fire, having been driven into this tured or split bones and horns, such as are used in such places. Some of them were sawed across before they were broken, probably by the rough edges of flint spear and arrow points. Several interesting observations have been made by the Rev. H. C. McCook on the endurance of extremes of heat and cold by ants. This year a formicary of F. pennsylvanica was cut from an oak bough and exposed out of doors to the rigor of a mountain winter, and survived. A number were dropped separately upon ice, and were found alive after forty-eight hourseach in a little depression. F. rufa was found active in its formicary at 34° F., sluggish at 30°. position out of a burning stump. A community of agricultural ants (M. molefaciens) lived in a mound upon which some smiths in Texas made their fires for heating wagon tires. Numbers of ants were seen at work by Dr. Lincecum, cleaning out the entrance to their city, before the entire extinction of the fire just used for heating tires. They had learnt all about the fire, and knew how to work in and around the dying embers without injury. HOW HE DANCED WITH HIS WIFE. This nice little incident of the Murphy campaign gets into print through the connivance of a Springfield correspondent of the Pittsfield Eagle: We had a masked ball A quantity of mason ants (variety of F. the other night, given by one of Spring-rufa) observed by Mr. McCook, were accifield's well-known clubs, and "thereby hangs a tale." A business man told his pretty young wife on the night of the above-mentioned ball, that he was obliged to go out of town to one of the temperance meetings, and might not return till the following noon. The wife resolved after he had left to have a good time in a different way, so accordingly, she procured a simple black domino, and went boldly to the masked ball. She had never done such a rash thing before, but her husband had been away very often of late, and she would mope at home no longer. She danced once, twice, three times, and nobody seemed to know her, yet she was fully determined to see it over, and unmask with the rest at 12 o'clock. Now a dashing young cavalier asks for her hand for the coming waltz, dentally flooded under five inches of water, and they appeared to be quite dead, and floated about in this condition for many hours; but subsequently most of them recovered full activity. In Texas Mr. Lincecum found that the agricultural ants are seen in great numbers in wells, forming a sort of floating mass as large as an orange, clinging together. In this condition they get drawn up in the bucket, and though they may have been in the water a day or two, they are all found alive. Yet individuals cannot survive under water more than six minutes; and life in these balls can only be preserved by the mass revolving, either by the continued struggles of the individual insects, or by an instinctive and orderly movement of the outer tier of ants.-Proc. Acad. Nat. Sci., Philadelphia. |