the Stake, tormented like a Toad under a Harrow, or hunted like a Dog with a Stick at his Tail: All these are indeed States of Uneasiness; but what are they to the Life of an Author! of an Author worried by Critics, tormented by his Bookseller, and hunted by his Creditors. Yet such must be the Cafe of many among the Retailers of Knowledge, while they continue thus to swarm over the Land; and whether it be by Propagation or Contagion, produce new Writers to heighten the general Distress, to increase Confufion, and hasten Famine.

Having long studied the Varieties of Life; I can guess by every Man's Walk, or Air, to what State of the Community he belongs. Every Man has noted the Legs of a Taylor, and the Gait of a Seaman; and a little Extension of his physiognomical Acquisitions will teach him to diftinguish the Countenance of an Author. It is my Practice, when I am in Want of Amusement, to place myself for an Hour at Temple-Bar, or any other narrow Pass much frequented, and examine one by one the Looks of the Paffengers; and I have commonly found, that, between the Hours of Eleven and Four, every Sixth Man is an Author. They are seldom to be seen very early in the Morning, or late in the Evening; but about Dinner-time they are all in Motion, and have one uniform Eagerness in their Faces, which gives little Opportunity of difcerning their Hopes or Fears, their Pleasures or their Pains.

But, in the Afternoon, when they have all dined, or composed themselves to pass the Day without a Dinner, their Paffions have full Play, and I can perceive one Man wondering at the Stupidity of the Public, by which his new Book has been totally neglected; another curfing the French, who fright away literary Curiosity by their Threats of an Invafion; another swearing at his Bookseller, who will advancé no Money without Copy; another perufing, as he walks, his Publisher's Bill; another murmuring at an unanswerable Criticism; another determining to write no more to a Generation of Barbarians; and another resolving to try once again, whether he cannot awake the drowsy World to a Sense of his Merit.

It fometimes happens, that there may be remarked among them a Smile of Complacence, or a Strut of Elevation: But if these Favourites of Fortune are carefully watched for a few Days, they seldom fail to shew the Tranfitoriness of human Felicity; the Creft falls, the Gaiety is ended, and there appear evident Tokens of a fuccessful Rival, or a fickle Patron.

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But of all Authors, those are the most wretched, who exhibit their Productions on the Theatre, and who are to propitiate first the Manager, and then the Public. Many an humble Visitant have I followed to the Doors of these Lords of the Drama, seen him touch the Knocker with a shaking Hand; and, after long Deliberation, adventure to folicit Entrance by a fingle Knock: But I never staid to fee them come out from their Audience; because my Heart is tender, and being fubject to Frights in Bed, I would not willingly dream of an Author.

That the Number of Authors is disproportionate to the Maintenance which the Public feems willing to assign them; that there is neither Praise nor Meat for all who write, is apparent from this; that, like Wolves in long Winters, they are forced to prey one on another. The Reviewers and Critical Reviewers, the Remarkers and Examiners, can fatisfy their Hunger only by devouring their Brethren. I am far from imagining that they are naturally more ravenous or blood thirsty than those on whom they fall with fo much Violence and Fury; but they are hungry, and Hunger must be fatisfied; and these Savages, when med; but by what Method this great Design can accomplished, is not easily discovered. It was y proposed that every Man who kept a Dog ald pay a certain Tax, which, as the Contriver Vays and Means very judicioufly obferved, would er deftroy the Dogs, or bring in Money. Pers it might be proper to lay fome fuch Tax upon thors, only the Payment must be lessened in Protion as the Animal, upon which it is raised, is necessary; for many a Man that would pay for Dog, will dismiss his Dedicator. Perhaps if ery one, who employed or harboured an Author, s affeffed a Groat a Year, it would fufficiently en the Nuisance without destroying the Species. But no great Alteration is to be attempted rafhly. e must confider how the Authors, which this Tax all exclude from their Trade, are to be employed. he Nets used in the Herring Fishery can furnish ork but for few, and not many ma can be employed Labourers at the Foundation of the new Bridge. here must, therefore, be some other Scheme formfor their Accommodation, which the present ate of Affairs may easily supply. It is well known, at great Efforts have been lately made to man the eet, and augment the Army, and loud Complaints e made of useful Hands forced away from their Failies into the Service of the Crown. This offenfive xertion of Power may be easily avoided, by opening few Houses for the Entertainment of difcarded Auhors, who would enter into the Service with great lacrity, as most of them are zealous Friends of very present Government; many of them are Men f able Bodies, and strong Limbs, qua'ified at least s well for the Musket as the Pen: They are, perhaps,

haps, at present a little emaciated and enfeebled; but would foon recover their Strength and Flesh with good Quarters and present Pay.

There are fome Reasons for which they may seem particularly qualified for a military Life. They are used to fuffer Want of every Kind; they are accuftomed to obey the Word of Command from their Patrons and their Booksellers; they have always passed a Life of Hazard and Adventure, uncertain what may be their State on the next Day; and, what is of yet more Importance, they have long made their Minds familiar to Danger, by Descriptions of bloody Battles, daring Undertakings, and wonderful Escapes. They have their Memories stored with all the Stratagems of War, and have, over and over, practised in their Closets the Expedients of Distress, the Exultation of Triumph, and the Refignation of Heroes sentenced to Destruction.

Some indeed there are, who, by often changing Sides in Controversy, may give just Suspicion of their Fidelity, and whom I should think likely to desert for the Pleasure of Desertion, or for a Farthing a Month advanced in their Pay. Of thefe Men I know not what Use can be made; for they can never be trusted but with Shackles on their Legs. There are others whom long Depreffion, under supercilious Patrons, has fo humbled and crushed, that they will never have Steadiness to keep their Ranks. But for these Men there may be found Fifes and Drums, and they will be well enough pleased to inflame others to Battle, if they are not obliged to fight themselves.

It is more difficult to know what can be done with the Ladies of the Pen, of whom this Age has produced greater Numbers than any former Time. It is indeed common for Women to follow the Camp; but no prudent General will allow them in such Numbers as the Breed of Authoresses would furnish. Authoreffes are seldom famous for clean Linen; therefore rifon the Town which is supposed to be in most nger of a French Invasion. They will probably e no Enemies to encounter; but, if they are once at up together, they will foon difincumber the blic, by tearing out the Eyes of one another. The great Art of Life is to play for much, and to ke little; which Rule I have kept in View through Es whole Project: For, if our Authors, and Auorefses defeat our Enemies, we shall obtain all the ual Advantages of Victory, and if they should be estroyed in War, we shall lose only those who had earied the Public, and whom, whatever be their ate, nobody will miss.

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