The Sultan better pleases me,

His is a life of jollity;

He's wives as many as he will—

I would the Sultan's throne then fill.

But even he's a wretched man,
He must obey the Alcoran;

He dare not drink one drop of wine-
I would not change his lot for mine.

So here I take my lowly stand,
I'll drink my own, my native land;
I'll kiss my maiden fair and fine,
And drink the best of Rhenish wine.

And when my maiden kisses me,
I'll think that I the Sultan be;
And when my cheery glass I tope,

I'll fancy then I am the Pope.

Charles Lever [1806-1872]

THE HEIGHT OF THE RIDICULOUS

I WROTE Some lines once on a time
In wondrous merry mood,

And thought, as usual, men would say
They were exceeding good.

They were so queer, so very queer,
I laughed as I would die;
Albeit, in the general way,
A sober man am I.

I called my servant, and he came:
How kind it was of him,
To mind a slender man like me,
He of the mighty limb!

"These to the printer," I exclaimed,

And, in my humorous way,

I added (as a trifling jest),

"There'll be the devil to pay."

He took the paper, and I watched,
And saw him peep within;

At the first line he read, his face
Was all upon the grin.

He read the next; the grin grew broad,

And shot from ear to ear;

He read the third; a chuckling noise
I now began to hear.

The fourth; he broke into a roar;
The fifth; his waistband split;
The sixth; he burst five buttons off,
And tumbled in a fit.

Ten days and nights, with sleepless eye,
I watched that wretched man,

And since, I never dare to write

As funny as I can.

Oliver Wendell Holmes [1809-1894]

THE BALLAD OF THE OYSTERMAN

It was a tall young oysterman lived by the river-side,
His shop was just upon the bank, his boat was on the tide;
The daughter of a fisherman, that was so straight and slim,
Lived over on the other bank, right opposite to him.

It was the pensive oysterman that saw a lovely maid,
Upon a moonlight evening, a-sitting in the shade;
He saw her wave a handkerchief, as much as if to say,
"I'm wide awake, young oysterman, and all the folks away."

Then up arose the oysterman, and to himself said he,

"I guess I'll leave the skiff at home, for fear that folks should

see;

I read it in the story-book, that, for to kiss his dear,

Leander swam the Hellespont, and I will swim this

here."

And he has leaped into the waves, and crossed the shining

stream,

And he has clambered up the bank, all in the moonlight

gleam;

Oh, there are kisses sweet as dew, and words as soft as rainBut they have heard her father's step, and in he leaps again!

Out spoke the ancient fisherman: "Oh, what was that, my daughter?"

"Twas nothing but a pebble, sir, I threw into the water." "And what is that, pray tell me, love, that paddles off so fast?"

"It's nothing but a porpoise, sir, that's been a swimming past."

Out spoke the ancient fisherman: "Now bring me my har poon!

I'll get into my fishing-boat, and fix the fellow soon."

Down fell that pretty innocent, as falls a snow-white lamb; Her hair drooped round her pallid cheeks, like seaweed on a clam.

Alas for those two loving ones! she waked not from het swound,

And he was taken with the cramp, and in the waves was drowned;

But Fate has metamorphosed them, in pity of their woe, And now they keep an oyster-shop for mermaids down below Oliver Wendell Holmes [1809-1894]

LITTLE BILLEE

THERE were three sailors of Bristol city
Who took a boat and went to sea.

But first with beef and captain's biscuits

And pickled pork they loaded she.

There was gorging Jack and guzzling Jimmy,

And the youngest he was little Billee.
Now when they got as far as the Equator
They'd nothing left but one split pea.

Says gorging Jack to guzzling Jimmy, "I am extremely hungaree."

To gorging Jack says guzzling Jimmy,
"We've nothing left, us must eat we."

Says gorging Jack to guzzling Jimmy,
"With one another we shouldn't agree!
There's little Bill, he's young and tender,
We're old and tough, so let's eat he."

"Oh! Billy, we're going to kill and eat you,
So undo the button of your chemie."
When Bill received this information
He used his pocket handkerchie.

"First let me say my catechism,

Which my poor mammy taught to me."
"Make haste, make haste," says guzzling Jimmy,
While Jack pulled out his snickersnee.

So Billy went up to the main-top gallant mast,
And down he fell on his bended knee.

He scarce had come to the twelfth commandment
When up he jumps. "There's land I see:

"Jerusalem and Madagascar,

And North and South Amerikee:

There's the British flag a-riding at anchor,
With Admiral Napier, K. C. B."

So when they got aboard of the Admiral's,
He hanged fat Jack and flogged Jimmee:
But as for little Bill he made him

The Captain of a Seventy-three.

William Makepeace Thackeray [1811-1863]

THE JACKDAW OF RHEIMS

THE Jackdaw sat on the Cardinal's chair:
Bishop and abbot and prior were there;
Many a monk, and many a friar,
Many a knight, and many a squire,

With a great many more of lesser degree,—

In sooth, a goodly company;

And they served the Lord Primate on bended knee. Never, I ween,

Was a prouder seen,

Read of in books, or dreamt of in dreams,

Than the Cardinal Lord Archbishop of Rheims!

In and out

Through the motley rout,

That little Jackdaw kept hopping about;

Here and there

Like a dog in a fair,

Over comfits and cates,

And dishes and plates,

Cowl and cope, and rochet and pall,
Mitre and crosier, he hopped upon all!

With a saucy air,

He perched on the chair

Where, in state, the great Lord Cardinal sat,
In the great Lord Cardinal's great red hat;
And he peered in the face

Of his Lordship's Grace,

With a satisfied look, as if he would say,
"We two are the greatest folks here to-day!"
And the priests, with awe,

As such freaks they saw,

Said, "The Devil must be in that little Jackdaw!"

The feast was over, the board was cleared,
The flawns and the custards had all disappeared,
And six little Singing-boys,-dear little souls!
In nice clean faces, and nice white stoles,—
Came in order due,

Two by two,

Marching that grand refectory through.

A nice little boy held a golden ewer,
Embossed and filled with water, as pure

As any that flows between Rheims and Namur