by champooing, as to bear fatigue with a smaller quantity of food than would else be necessary.-(Forbes's Oriental Memoirs.)

CITING THE DEAD.

SOME very ingenious gentleman (we wish we could record his name) invented a process of citing the dead to appear, and then answer to certain charges to be brought against him; but if he did not answer, (as we suppose was generally the case,) then he or she was condemned for contumacy, and an edict passed against their bones. We have no doubt this wonderful invention originated from the Inquisition, which has been guilty of blunders of this sort from time immemorial, because they have nothing better to do. In England this folly was practised. Cardinal Pole, the pope's legate, after Queen Mary's inauguration, went to the University of Cambridge, and began this sort of process against Bucer and Fagius, two worthy gentlemen, deceased. These dead persons were cited by a first and second edict, but no answer: then several witnesses were produced against them once and again; still no answer! accordingly sentence was passed upon them for contempt of court, and their dead bodies were ordered to be dug up, and strung to a large stake fixed in the ground, in the marketplace, and there burnt, which was done. What a great partiality had these Romanists to fire, since they even condescended to burn dead bones, rather than burn nothing at all. Brookes, Bishop of Gloucester, did the same at Oxford, by Catherine, the wife of Peter Martyr, whose body was also taken up. Pope Boniface did more; he unsainted a saint. He caused Sir Herman, of Ferrara to be dug out of his grave and burnt, after he had been esteemed as a saint for more than twenty years, thus unsettling body and soul, as far as he was able. The last possessor of Restalrig, the ancient seat of the Logans, was accused (five years after his death) of being concerned in the Gowrie conspiracy, and was cited to appear; but, proving contumacious, his estate was forfeited, his bones burnt, and his heirs declared infamous.

NOAH'S ARK.

THIS vessel, which took a hundred years in building, was, according to Bishop Wilkins, 547 English feet long, 91 broad, and 54 high. It contained 72625 tons! It rested on Mount

Ararat. STRUY says, that the air upon the mountain being so unvarying, is the reason that the ark has endured so long without being rotten. The Rev. Mr. Maurice speaks of an astronomical library in Noah's ark. The Rev. Mr. Davies, author of the Celtic Researches, of the regularity of Noah's Logbook, (p. 43,) and the Talmudists, those illuminees, that Noah had no other light in the ark than jewels and pearls to study his nautical almanack and requisite tables by. According to Mr. Southey, the inhabitants of Spain and Portugal are little obliged to Noah for preserving three kinds of insects that are too plentiful there-bugs, fleas, and mosquitoes. We all know the characteristic vanity of Frenchmen. Here it is still further exemplified. When Buonaparte sent an embassy of twenty-one persons to the Persian court, in 1807, the ambassador, in his progress, at length arrived at Mount Ararat, where l'ambassadeur a l'idée d'élever un monument a l'empeIl fait graver sur une pierre du coté de la Perse, le nom de Napoleon.-(Journal d'un Voyage dans la Perse, &c. 8vo. Paris, 1809.) Sir Thomas Browne has a fine answer to the oppugners of the scriptural deluge, in-" That there was a deluge once, seems not to me so great a miracle, as that there is not one always."

reur.

NEWSPAPERS,

THE sale of, yields to government a vast revenue, the least grievous to the people of any laid on. The weighty impost is not felt, or it is unheeded. Rag-merchants, paper-makers, stationers, paragraph-mongers, translators, reporters, printers, hawkers, have all to bless the national propensity for these anonymi anonymorum. Certainly newspapers ought to be reckoned among the staple commodities of this country. Sixty years ago a newspaper was the mere abstract and brief chronicle of the time,' now it is a salmagundi of every thing, and we may burn our books. It is the diurnal cyclopædia, which must be filled by the politicasters, poetasters, declaimers, profaners, extracters, detracters, jeerers, sneerers, nibblers, quibblers, libellers, lampooners of the day, for they must be, and are, well fed and clothed out of this Athenian or English rage, for-something new. To show the variety which the diurnals present would take up here too great a space; let us, therefore, start with a few, and close with the puff direct.

"The walk of a deceased blind beggar, (in a charitable neighbourhood,) with his dog and staff," were actually advertised for sale in the newspapers of 1804.

"A person, in his twenty-sixth year, tired of the dissipation. of the great world, is forming a comfortable establishment in one of the least frequented quarters of the city. His domestics are a coachman, cook, three footmen, and a chambermaid. He is in search of a young girl, of good family, to improve this honourable situation: she must be well educated, accomplished, and of an agreeable figure, and will be entertained in the quality of demoiselle de compagnie (female companion.) She shall receive the utmost attention from the household, and be as well served, in every respect, or better, than if she were its mistress !"-(Paris Paper.)

The following advertisement appeared in the St. James's Chronicle of 1772. "Wanted immediately, fifteen hundred, or two thousand pounds, by a person not worth a groat; who, having neither houses, land, annuities, or public funds, can of fer no other security than that of a simple bond, bearing simple interest, and engaging the repayment of the sum borrowed in five, six, or seven years, as may be agreed on by the parties. Whoever this may suit, (for it is hoped it will suit somebody,) by directing a line for A. Z. in Rochester, shall be immediately replied to, or waited on, as may appear necessary."

In the Times Paper of January, 1820, a governess advertises in the following style, which we call the ne plus ultra. "Music-To schools and families. An accomplished theorist, emphatic pianist, and elegantly chaste articulative vocalist, whose intelligible system, in a short time, suggests to the student an agreeable manner of performing. Schools and families attended on moderate terms. Address, W. H., ai Golding's, Soho Square."

From the Edinburgh Advertiser, August 5, 1768. "There is to be sold, by John Watson, Jun. at his stand, at the Poultry, Edinburgh, all lawful days in the week, wind and weather serving, good and fresh Solan geese. Any who have occasion for the same, may have them at reasonable rates."

At the end of the "Ninth Collection of Papers relative to the present Juncture of Affairs in England, quarto, 1689," there is this curious advertisement :-" Lately published, the Trial of Mr. Papillon; by which it is manifest that (the then) Lord Chief Justice Jefferies had neither learning, law, nor good manners, but more impudence than ten carted whores, (as was said of him by King Charles the Second,) in abusing

all those worthy citizens who voted for Mr. Papillon and Mr. Dubois, calling them a parcel of factious, pragmatical, sneaking, whoring, canting, snivelling, prick-eared, crop-eared, atheistical fellows, rascals and scoundrels, as in page 19 of that trial may be seen. Sold by Michael Janeway, and most booksellers."

An individual, who wanted a person to take care of his children, advertised, in an American paper, for one whose patience is inexhaustible, whose temper is tireless, whose vigilance is unwinking, whose power of pleasing is boundless, whose industry is matchless, and whose neatness is unparalleled.'

Mr. Moor, in his Book on Hindoo Infanticide, page 127, advertises, that he has a letter to dispose of. He is talking of Indian and Persian letters, and impressions of the seals of government, in his possession. "Among other subjects of like value, (he says) I am fortunate enough to possess an unopened letter, written by the late great mogul, Shah Allum, to a personage of high consideration, with his signet unbroken. Any virtuoso desirous of enriching his cabinet with so great a curiosity, may be accommodated with it on reasonable terms."

Anciently, books were read by those who understood them -and a new book did not get among a wrong class of readers -but, as it is a reading world now, an author fares worse in his fame, but better in his purse.

Mr. Vickery, a hair-dresser and perfumer, advertised his elastic têtes, and Madame Lanchester her Parisian night-gowns and anatomical stays.

It may be fairly deemed as the ne plus ultra puff, viz.-our modern blacking-makers heading their advertisements by the figure of a gentleman shaving himself by the reflective polish on a pair of boots, if jetted with their japan.

Puffing burlesqued.-The following whimsical account of Mrs. Siddons's first appearance in Dublin, is extracted from an old Irish newspaper." On Saturday, Mrs. Siddons, about whom all the world has been talking, exposed her beautiful, adamantine, soft, and lovely person, for the first time, at Smock-Alley Theatre, in the bewitching, melting, and alltearful character of Isabella. From the repeated panegyrics in the impartial London newspapers, we were taught to expect the sight of a heavenly angel; but how were we supernaturally surprised into the most awful joy, at beholding a mortal goddess. The house was crowded with hundreds more

than it could hold, with thousands of admiring spectators, that went away without a sight. This extraordinary phenomenon of tragic excellence! this star of Melpomene! this comet of the stage! this sun of the firmament of the Muses! this moon of blank verse! this queen and princess of tears! this Donnellan of the poisoned bowl! this empress of the pistol and dagger! this chaos of Shakspeare! this world of weeping clouds! this Juno of commanding aspects! this Terpsichore of the curtains and scenes! this Proserpine of fire and earthquake! this Katterfelto of wonders! exceeded expectation, went beyond belief, and soared above all the natural powers of description! She was nature itself! She was the most exquisite work of art! She was the very daisy, primrose, tuberose, sweet-brier, furze-blossom, gilliflower, wallflower, cauliflower, aurica, and rosemary! In short, she was the bouquet of Parnassus! Where expectation was raised so high, it was thought she would be injured by her appearance; but it was the audience who were injured several fainted before the curtain drew up! but, when she came to the scene of parting with her wedding-ring, ah! what a sight was there! the very fiddlers in the orchestra, albeit, unused to the melting mood!' blubbered like hungry children crying for their bread and butter; and when the bell rang for music between the acts, the tears ran from the bassoon players' eyes in such plentiful showers, that they choked the finger-stops, and, making a spout of the instrument, poured in such torrents on the first fiddler's book, that, not seeing the overture was in two sharps, the leader of the band actually played in one flat. But the sobs and sighs of the groaning audience, and the noise of corks drawn from the smelling-bottles, prevented the mistake between the flats and sharps being discovered. One hundred and nine ladies fainted! forty-six went into fits! and ninetyfive had strong hysterics! The world will scarcely credit the truth, when they are told that fourteen children, five old women, one hundred tailors, and six common-councilmen, were actually drowned in the inundation of tears that flowed from the galleries, the slips, and the boxes, to increase the briny pond in the pit; the water was three feet deep, and the people that were obliged to stand upon the benches, were in that position up to their ankles in tears! An act of parliament against her playing any more will certainly pass," &c. &c. &c. This jeu d'esprit, which was written by the facetious Peter Seguin, is said to have given vast offence to the lady's friends at the time; why, we cannot see. The ridicule is fairly levelled, not at Mrs. S., whose merits no one could deny, or did deny, but at the insatiable aptitude of the public mind for puff!