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High round his head the fragrant vapours bend, Ay
And hills of soap in airy froth ascend, 28 Eve
John Bulls and Emperors grin upon the wall, enīgi
Dogs war with cats, and wives with husbands brawl.
Thick round the room expectant phizzes wait,
Shake the long beard or mourn the naked pate.
Then flies more swift, than Jove's fulmineous flame,
The well strapp'd edge, with beard-subduing aim.
The pilose ranks tumultuous seek the ground,
And beard and lather smoke confus'd around.

So when ten pins in dazzling order stand,
A chief in front, in rear a marshall'd band;
The well-form'd phalanx spreads its angles wide,
And stern defiance scowls on every side.

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Then urged with skill, the bounding boards along
The rotund Ruin rushes on the Throng,

The staggering Ranks confess unknown alarms,
While Gravitation drags them to his arms.

Each pin expiring gives his friend a hunch,
And men and generals tumble in a bunch!

So erst two brethren climb'd the cloud-capp'd hill,
Ill-fated Jack and long-lamented Jill;
Snatch'd from the lucid fount its crystal store,
And the full pail with hearts exulting bore.
No grog was there their senses to assail,
Pure was the wave and pure the painted pail-
But, ah, no lack of grog, no pail so neat
Could hold their heads, or fix their fault'ring feet-
Pate-broken Jack came blundering down the hill,
And, blundering after, came the pail and Jill.

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O'er Beauty's tresses next the shaver rears
His high ignited tongs, and glittering shears
Winds, with nice kink, the convoluted curl,
The thin hairs yielding to his forceful twirl,
Waves his bright blades, and leads with airy grace,
The spiral ringlets down the lovely face;
Scissors and eyes in rival radiance seen
Dispense o'erpowering lustre round the scene.

Should some huge lens from northern ices hewn,
Pour hell's hot focus on the orb of noon,

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Not half so bright the encountering blaze would rise,
As springs from Huggins' shears and Delia's eyes

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IMPERIAL SHAVER! on thy laurell'd brow
Roses shall bloom, and wigs spontaneous grow,
On slaughter'd Beards thy airy Throne shall rise,
And piles of whiskers lift thee to the skies;
There as thou sits't in Fashion's cause sublime,
Shaking thy razor-strap o'er many a clime,
Each rival barber at thy shrine shall bow,
Till Time expire, and Beards forget to grow.


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ON seeing Miss Sims of Covent Garden Theatre, in Fanny, in the Maid of the Mill.

From Norwood, say what Gipsy's this? Who knows?

'Tis Sims, who all excels in furtive arts, For other gipsies only steal our clothes,

This little gipsy steals our very hearts.

Dear honey, says Pat, I'm just come to town,

Quite speechless amid from the late expedition,
But to make out the use of it bodders my crown,
Pray, what think you of it? I ask, with submission,

Says Dermot, 'Twas meant a diversion, that's all ;
Profound was the plan, and too wise to be scoff'd at;
A diversion, cries Pat, you it rightly may call,

For, wherever we went, we were sure to be laugh'd at.

Some they cry Ross up,

And some they cry Mossop,

Which is the best is not the contest,

But which is the worst is a toss up.

On the controversy respecting the dramatic merits of Messrs. Mossop

and Ross.

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Epigram, written by the celebrated Caleb Whitefoord, Esq. on Mr. Colman's dramatic piece, called The Spleen, or Islington Spa.

Round William's chair, in triple rows,

The courtiers stood to gaze,
And every tongue in flattery dipt,
Bedaub'd him o'er with praise.

I pray you friend, said surly John,
Who stood behind the chair,
Do ope that window, and let out
This d- -d corrupted air.

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Wit, humour, character, and well-wrought scene;
Can these the envious critics rage allay?
Ah, Colman, no; they only cause more Spleen
Than twenty city Spas can wash away.

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Dr. Johnson.

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Unless puns and bon mots with good humour you blend, Keha You may oft gain admirers, more oft lose a friend; Though our fancies, sharp Sam, are oft pleased with your wit, Lino Yet our feelings are hurt, by each "palpable hit ;"



Thus a monkey diverts by his tricks; but alas, acher sur What dire havoc he makes with our china and glass!

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As souls, of late, through heaven's gate pass'd,

St. Peter, who survey'd the throng,
Exclaim'd Long looked for comes at last,

For here, at last, comes my Luke Long.


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A CERTAIN class of the Parisians busy themselves in prying into the circumstances of Bonaparte's birth and education, in order to furnish food for scandal. A lady, wishing to mortify Madame Bonaparte, asked her whether she was fully acquainted with her husband's origin. I know, and all Europe knows, replied the Empress, that he is the son of Mars and Fortune.

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The late Lord Strichen, a Judge of the Court of Session in Scotland, a very worthy man, but no conjurer, was in company, when it was observed by some one, that dull boys at school often proved very ingenious men. It is very true, said his lordship, I was a dull boy at school myself.

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An officer's servant in Gloucestershire, having taken offence at something said by the clerk of the parish, thought it incumbent upon him, as a gentleman, to send the other a challenge to fight with pistols, to which the following answer was given: Abraham Amen conceiving that murder with fire arms is the exclusive privilege of men of honour, and of cavaliers, refuses to fight with the upstart Bob Bouncer, in the manner he requires; but, as, by the laws of duelling, the person challenged, has a right to choose his weapons, Abraham Amen will meet the said Bouncer, even on a Sunday, and on consecrated ground, to the praise and glory of God, with two staves.



A little girl, on hearing that her mother had lost a law suit, said, Dear mamma, I am quite glad that you have lost that plaguey suit, that used to vex you so.

In the parlour of a public house in Fleet-street, there is inscribed over the chimney-piece, the following notice: Gentlemen, learning to spell, are requested to use yesterday's paper.


DR. EGERTON, the late Bishop of Durham, on coming to that See, employed a person of the name of Due, as his agent, to discover the true value of the estates held by lease under him, and, in consequence of Due's report, greatly raised both the fines and rents of his tenants; on which account the following toast was frequently drank in that diocese: May the Lord take the Bishop, and the Devil have his Due.

A nobleman, remarkably abstemious, was chiding one of his workmen for often getting drunk. It is astonishing, said his Lordship, that all good workmen are addicted to drunkenness. Then, answered the man, your Lordship, I presume is not a good workman.

Henry IV, of France, had received notice of the conspiracy of Marshal Biron. It was observed by a nobleman, that the marshal was one of the best card players at court. He plays very well, said the King, but he makes his parties very ill.

On account of the great number of suicides lately in Dublin, an Irish member of the House of Commons, moved for leave to bring in a bill making suicide a capital offence.

The author of the tragedy of Douglas makes his hero repeat

Beneath a mountain's brow, the most remote

And inaccessible, by shepherds trod,

A hermit liv'd.

Pray, Mr. Author, by what sort of path did the shepherds reach this inaccessible mountain's brow?

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