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chains, imagine all the while, like other lunatics, that they are sovereigns, judges, and statesmen!
The ensuing sarcasms, the sportive sallies of a man of genius, whose talents resemble those of the younger Colman will please the few, and will be understood by the cavaliers, the only party we are anxious to please. But they will be sufficiently unintelligible to the great vulgar and the small, whose minds we have neither the power, nor the inclination to illuminate.
Let the writer be unequivocally understood to make a decided exception in favour of the writers of Salmagundi in Newyork, and the Monthly Anthology in Bos, ton.-EDITOR.
Nothing has a finer effect, or shows good breeding and discernment in a more forcible manner, than when you
have a stranger at table, to address your wife with, My dear, did you ever see such a likeness as that gentleman is to my cousin Simkins? If the stranger should be a young lady of amiable manners and delicate ideas, let your helpmate open the battery of comparisons; first by staring her out of countenance, and then exclaiming before the whole company, do you know, my dear, what I am thinking of? I never saw any person bear such a resemblance of one to the other, as that young lady does to Nancy Towers, my unfortunate chambermaid, who was guilty of a fox paw with our journeyman, Bill Thompson.
If you be fond of music and have occasion to use your handkerchief, more especially if you indulge in snuff, trumpet your nostrils as loud as possible to the overture of Tekeli, or the march in Blue-Beard.
Instruments for cracking nuts are ridiculous; always make use of your teeth, aiding the operation, by placing your hands gracefully to your cheeks, at the same time distorting your countenance during the exertion.
If you have a party you wish to be very friendly to, heap their plates with viands, pile upon pile, similar to the tower of Babel; and cram the victuals down the people's throats, like an oath administered in a hurry at the custom-house; don't mind their elegant observations of Indeed, ma'am, I cant bear it, I shall be quite sick; or By goles, cousin Thompson, we cant stand any more; wife and I be stuffed up to our chins.
When you are drinking a glass of wine, roll your eyes about the room over the brim of the glass, like a felon brought up by habeas corpus to a judge's-chamber,
Humming a new tune, drumming with your fingers or knuckles has a very lively effect, during the dessert. If you can conțrive now and then to break a decanter or wine glass the more agreeable. To loll on two chairs, while you are using your tooth pick, has a very careless and elegant appearance.
Some people very foolishly observe, that when carved for, it is but civil to take whatever is offered. No such thing! Always make a difficulty, saying you like some part better; it gives additional trouble, and, of course, shows the carver to better advantage.
To give any thing from your own plate to another, to eat of, shows great good nature, and amiableness of disposition, particularly if on the point of a fork, with which you have been picking your teeth. N. B. a fork is an excellent substitute for a tooth-pick.
Men and their wives recently married, squeezing hands, patting cheeks, ogling, and making love to each other at table, shows a frank temper, and warm and generous constitutions.
If you have favourite dogs or cats, let them be at large at dinner time, and keep them in such a state of voraciousness that they may be ready to run away with all the victuals.
Be sure to place your elbows on the table, like a church warden in a parish vestry.
If there be servants in the room, keep up a conversation with them, as-Ah, Tom, how do you do? What, you have left Mrs. Thingumbob; aye, aye, leave you alone to find out a good thing; got a snug place here I warrant you. All this serves to show you are not proud, but free and easy in your behaviour, and that you understand the art of being genteel and agreeable.
If you have acquired a fortune by trade and retired to your country seat, be sure to recollect your former familiar phrases while presiding at the table, viz. Come; fall to my lads and lasses; two hands in a dish and one in a purse-take the will for the deed; but I, hope there's enough. One man's meat is another man's poison. It is better to pay the butcher than the doctor. These sprightly sallies are exceedingly original, inge. nigus, brilliant and entertaining:
When you are summoned from the drawing room to the dining room, rush all together, like a mob at the pit door, to see Cooke or Kemble; there sit down promiscuously, no matter how, so that each gets opposite his favourite dish; this sometimes occasions inconvenience, but that signifies nothing, provided you gain your point.
Wiping your plate with a large piece of bread, so as to absorb the gravy is very genteel and elegant; also, to pour the gravy from the dish on your plate has a very accomplished air, as you may soon be convinced by dining with alderman Dunder. head.
Be extremely fastidious at dinner, to show the exquisiteness of your taste, now and then observing, particularly if such dishes be on the table:- I cant bear roast mutton: a turkey is very well, if it be tender; but I am sorry to say, not one in twenty proves so; and that before me, I'll be bound for it, will make my words good, &c.
ORIGINAL POETRY. FOR THE PORT FOLIO.
HYMN.GLORY TO GOD.
To thee, PROTECTIVE God I owe,
of mind that seems to shine Is but a clouded gleam from thine.
The lust'red heavens present thy zone,
Poor, and unbless'd, not mine the power
How vain the pride of man appears,
HYMN.SORROW AND SUPPLICATION.
Be the repentant grief sincere,
Shall the accepted soul appear.
If pierced by many an earthly wo,
The breaking heart its peace resign,
And be its healing mercies thine,
Behold the Lord of life descend,
The blessing of his love extend.
'Though dark as night, as winter cold, Adoring Heazon's protective eye,
Shall to its glorious light unfold. The breath of worlds, the soul divine Creative Deity are thine.
Thy strength the elements controls,
Thou LIGHT OF WORLDS! whose quenchless ray
PARENT OF LIFE! to thee we owe
IMMORTAL BEING! God alone,
In the last hymn the author has, with a feeble attempt, imitated some portion of the sublime adoration of the American Indian, 25—“O ETERNAL! have mercy upon me, because I am passing away–0 Infinite, because I am but a speck-0 most MIGHTY, because I am weak--O SOURCE OF LIFE, because I draw nigh to the grave-O OMNISCIENT, because I am in darkness-O ALL BOUNTEOUS, because I am poor-O ALL-SUFFICIENT, because I am nothing.
FOR THE PORT FOLIO.
On the present degraded state of Sweden. Inscribed to the Revd. Nicholas Col
lin, rector of the Swedish Church, Philadelphia.