Within Bounds

WHILE making a visit to

New York, a man unmistakably of country origin was knocked down in the street by an automobile. A crowd instantly surrounded him with condolences and questions.

"Are you hurt, my friend?" kindly asked a gentleman, who was first among the rescuers as he helped the stranger to his feet and brushed the mud and dust from his clothes.

"Well," came the cautious reply of one evidently given to non-committal brevity of speech, "it 'ain't done me no good."

The Real Test

THE old-timers in the Great Lakes region tell the story of a prospective marine engineer who was being examined by the captain. The skipper asked a number of difficult questions in order to confuse the applicant, but the latter was always ready with an answer. Finally, in a

is living?"

WHILE shopping one morning Mrs.

Rushton thoughtlessly picked up an umbrella belonging to another woman and started to walk off with it. Its owner stopped her, and the absent-minded one returned the umbrella with many apologies.

This little incident served to remind Mrs. Rushton that umbrellas were needed by different members of her family, so she bought two for her daughters and one for herself, and, as it was the holiday season, she took the articles with her instead of ordering them to be sent.

As she entered a car, armed with the three umbrellas, she chanced to observe that exactly opposite her was sitting the woman to whom she had had to apologize a short while before. After staring at the three umbrellas for several minutes, the woman smiled, leaned across the aisle, and said, in an icy tone:

"I see you've had a successful morning."

tain asked:

"Now, suppose the water in your injector was working properly, your boiler check was not stuck or your pipes clogged, but you were not getting any water in your boilers-what would you do?"

The engineer looked puzzled for a moment, unable fully to grasp the situation; then, with a knowing smile on his face, he answered:

"I'd go up on deck and see whether there was any water in the lake."

"You'll do," said the captain.

unbounded. Then complaints began to come in that letters were not being properly sent off. The department at Washington then ordered an inspector to go down and investigate these complaints.

The postmaster was also the grocer. "What becomes of the letters posted here?" demanded the inspector of him. "The people say that they are not

sent off."

"Of course they ain't!" was the startling response, as the postmastergrocer pointed to a large and nearly empty mailsack hanging in a corner. "I ain't sent it off because it ain't anywheres near full yet!"

tain golf-course in the South. On one occasion a stranger asked one of them: "What is considered a good score on these links?"

"Boss," replied the youngster, solemnly, "most of de gents tries to do it in as few strokes as dey kin, but it gin'r'lly takes some more."

by the delay, had already arrayed her ample form in her best dress, intending to leave the house as soon as dinner should be served.

Later, however, she was found sitting in the kitchen, her frame rigid and an expression of stony calm on her sable face.

of the war the guard inspector at a military camp in the South approached an Irish sentry, who merely glanced at him and then marched on.

"Well?" inquired the inspector, who chanced to be a colonel, in a tone intended to remind the sentry of his duty.

"Well," repeated the man, "what is it?"

"Don't you want the countersign?"

"No, I don't need it. The fellow in the guard tent give it to me some time ago. I got it all right."

Of Different Creeds

NOT long after a certain

couple had become engaged the young man said to his fiancée:

"Marie, I think it only fair that I should tell you that 1 am a somnambulist!"

Whereupon the girl responded: "Oh, Henry, I don't think that will matter much. You see, you can go to my church one Sunday and I'll go to yours the next."