IF, in his study, he hath so much care
To hang all old strange things, let his wife beware.
THE UNIQUE PHYSICIAN.
IF Lettsom's Mangel-wertzell root
Be old, or modern botany,
Will stand, perhaps, theme for dispute,
While disputants we've got any.
In this, howe'er, we all agree,
And own it for a true thing,
To give it, without price or fee,
In physic is a new thing.
LAW AND PHYSIC.
FROM OWEN.
IF men would live as prudent Nature teach,
They should climb quickly out of Galen's reach:,
If men were wise, they would not so long jar,
Till they are witness'd fools by the whole bar:
But Bartolus should then despair to please,
And mice might comment on Hippocrates.
THE WELSH PARSON'S COMFORT.
IF neither brass, nor marble, can withstand
The mortal force of time's destructive hand;
If mountains sink to vales, if cities die,
And less'ning rivers mourn their fountains dry;
When my old cassock (said a Welsh divine)
Is out at elbows, why should I repine?
THE UNRIVALLED FAIR.
IF, save whose charms with equal splendor shine, None ever thine must be ;-none ever must be thine.
IF some good natur'd pow'r divine
E'er deign to view this Cot of mine,
And if that God, as gods have been
Delighted with a rural scene,
Well pleas'd, will promise to impart
The bliss that heaves my ling'ring heart;
This wish I'll readily present-
"Make me in every state content."
IF strong Alcides his wife's tongue could tame,
A thirteenth labour might augment his fame.
IF Tarquin's guilt, Lucretia, pleas'd thy soul,
How cou'd thy blood wash out a stain so foul!
But if, by downright torce, the joy he had,
To diet' oblige a villain, proves you mad:
Then be thy death no more the matron's pride;
You liv'd a strumpet, or a fool you dy'd.
IF the quick spirit, Delia, in your eye,
Ere long will languish, and must one day die,
If ev'ry beauty, ev'ry youthful grace,
Must surely fly from that forsaken face;
Then let us, lovely charmer, reap our joys,
Ere cruel time such goodly fruit destroys.
But, if those jetty locks must ever grow,
Nor e'er be whiten'd o'er with age's snow;
If those bright suns, thy eyes, must know no shade,
And thy now blooming beauties never fade;
Then scruple not, my Delia, to bestow
What, freely gather'd, shall as freely grow.
Thus, nymph, whate'er th' effects of time may prove, They furnish motives strong for present love.
IF this wide world, all nature's beauteous frame,
To antecedent counsel owes no claim:
If heav'n, earth, sea, and objects all around,
Man, beast, and fish that swim the vast profound,
As Epicurus taught, and you have sung,
From sightless chance, and struggling atoms sprung;"
Why might not words, at random thrown, combine,
Into pure verse, and numbers sweet as thine?
Ev'n strike out sense, and beauties rare display,
Like those resulting from th' atomic fray?
Tho' Phœbus, and the Nine their votes refuse,
Almighty Fortune shall be dubb'd your muse.
What chanc'd yourself, might well your books.befal;
Ascribe we then to both the same original.
EPITAPH ON A YOUNG LADY.
IF (weeping love) inquirers seek to know
Her name, whose charms enrich the dust below,
Point up, and bid them read—but say no more;
Nor strive in vain to count her virtues o'er:
Scarce could the sweet amount be justly sung,
Tho' her each atom was an angel's tongue.
TO A LANGUISHING, UGLY, TALKATIVE
OLD MAID.
IF you'd be married, first grow young;
Wear a mask; and hold your tongue.
FROM THE GREEK.
IF youth and beauty fade, my dear,
Impart 'em wisely while you may:
If still they last, why should you fear
To give, what none can give away?
"PLL follow thy fortune," a termagant cries, Whose extravaganee caus'd all the evil; 'That were some consolation,' the husband replies, For my fortune has gone to the devil.'
Between an old Incumbent and the person promised the next Presentation.
"I'M glad to see you well" O faithless breath! What, glad to see me well, and wish my death!" "No more, replies the youth, sir, this misgiving: I wish not for your Death, but for your Living."
ON SEEING THE PICTURE OF NASH, Between the Busts of Newton and Pope, in the Pump Room at Bath.
IMMORTAL Newton never spoke
More truth than here you'll find;
Nor Pope himself e'er penn'd a joke
More cruel on mankind.
The picture plac'd the busts between,
Gives satire all its strength;
Wisdom and wit are little seen,
But folly at full length.
ON SEEING MISS VASSAL
(NOW LADY HOLLAND)
At a Masquerade, February 7, 1786.
IMPERIAL nymph! ill suited is thy name
To speak the wonders of that radiant frame:
Where'er thy sovereign form on earth is seen,
All eyes are-Vassals;-thou alone, a queen.
IN a cause of three years for three pinches of snuff, Here's a brief of three yards, I hope that's brief enough.
ON GEORGE FAULKNER'S
Promising to have the Dean of St. Patrick's Effigies prefixed to the New Edition of his Works, from a Copper-Plate done by Mr.
IN a little dark room, at the back of the shop,
Where poets and critics have din'd on a chop,
Poor Faulkner sat musing alone thus of late:
Two volumes are done-It is time for the plate. 'Yes, time, to be sureBut on whom shall I call,
To express the great Swift in a compass so small? 'Faith Vertue shall do it. I'm I'm pleas'd at the thought:
Be the cost what it will, the copper is bought.' Apollo o'er-heard (who, as some people guess, Had a hand in the work, and corrected the press). And, pleas'd, he reply'd, Honest George, you are
The thought was my own, howsoe'er you came by't; For, tho' both the wit and the style is my gift, "Tis Vertue alone can design us a Swift.'
A WHIMSICAL COMPOUND.
IN all thy humours, whether grave, or mellow,
Thou'rt such a touchy, testy, pleasant fellow,
Hast so much wit, and mirth, and spleen, about thee,
There is no living with thee, nor without thee.
ON THE PICTURE OF HOPE.
IN azure robes is Hope depictur'd fair,
To signify she feeds her fools with air;
The wiser, by her glittering anchor, know
That gold's the surest friend we find below.
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